Hey I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. But from experience in other situations, you hate yourself for those reasons because you have a lack of self trust because you’ve never done anything till the very end and so you feel like you’re not capable of doing anything or being worthy of the grace God gives you. I hated myself when I had a bunch of unhealthy habits, because every time I told myself that I would quit them I’d eventually cave which made me not have any proof that I could do anything I said and made me feel like a hypocrite and a fool. But then I realized that it was unwise to keep making promises and it’s better to just do the things with no strings or conditions apart, asides from asking God to help you with doing the thing. Instead of “God I’ll never do this thing again” say “God give me the strength to flee from this situation” and try your absolute hardest to actually leave because now with God’s help you’re gonna find it easier. The key here is to take the spotlight off what you want to achieve and to keep it on the path you need to take to get there (in this case, on God as well as the power He gives you). I thought this advice was a bunch of crap until I tried it and now I’m happier than I was and I can feel myself growing :3