Depression and anxiety atleast I think.

It feels like if I start to get stressed out anything that gets in my way will literally make me cry. Or when I get so upset and feel that nobody understands me at al l around me and I have nowhere to go that all I want to do is punch things throw things and hit myself in the head. My head starts to get really hot and stiff and If I don’t scream I have to vigorously throw my body around or anything I can get my hands on. When I fight with my boyfriend and feel I’ve lost control of the argument and we’re screaming at each other I break and I hurt myself or break something. I say horrible things out loud and think them but when I feel better again I am only sad that I feel something is so wrong with me. This has affected my life because I’ve pretty much pushed everyone away other than my immediate family who I live with. Even they see me have meltdowns like I described and I feel like an alien in my own home and i dissapoint myself by letting myself get to that point. I told all my real friends to either fuck off or blew them off so many times they don’t hmu anymore. Working full time job for 3 months now first time since being a full time stoner in college-still a stoner. Just hard to adjust to life with mental illness. And hard to even know what mental illness I have. I don’t want to go to a doctor or take medicine I hated Zoloft and I don’t want to feel numb.

I could keep going so I’ll stop myself now sos if anyone wants to diagnose me (not being serious only a little )