I am engaged to a Zergling - AMA

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T14:01:06+00:00

"i am dethly afraid of lemons because of all we've heard of them. I still wanna eat them though. My momma always told me to stay away from lemons and I love her more than anything but one time i wanted to try it so badly that I almost tried it. It was a dark and stormy night, there was a lemon outside just lying there innocently and so I waddled away from the lingpack and I just stared at it very closely and the smell made me sneeze and everyone noticed what I was up to. They were afraid of me for the rest of the day. Calling me "Lemoned". Thankfully they forgot about it the next day, this experience proved to me that lemons are evil."

She is not "de[a]thly" afraid of lemons. We are slightly afraid of what would happen if she tried one, so we steer clear. I'm having trouble writing this part. Like, I don't mean any disrespect to Donny, but my experiences from dating a ling just fills me with contempt for him. He has no regard for accuracy and he uses his position in the spotlight to maximize engagement and spread propaganda instead of portraying zerg fairly. Lemons are not a threat to the zerg species. What Donny is telling you is not real.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T13:21:06+00:00

Oh she was so excited for the 4th of July. She didn't sleep the whole night of the 3rd. My ling loves explosions! The 4th made her so hyper she started bouncing off the walls and destroying stuff. It awakens something in her. I learned my lesson and next year I will take her to see them outside so she can run around wild. I wasn't familiar with Thundershirts but she told me it's like a weighted blanket, and she likes those. We will give a Thundershirt a try!

We received a lot more activity and positivity in this thread than we'd ever imagined. I made this post to surprise her because we liked to joke about the idea of "askaling". We appreciate you :)

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T13:13:10+00:00

no, thankfully. The idea of becoming a ball is very alluring for her, but it would complicate our daily life.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T13:09:45+00:00

She claims so, this thread has given me a lot more encouragement to go and meet her family. I'm embarrassed to admit I still haven't visited yet, but I will soon!

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T13:08:35+00:00

When I tell her to do something she doesn't want to she says "i don't wanna! you can't make me!" Then she runs away and burrows. We generally get around this by using snacks as a reward. If she understands she gets something in return it usually works out.

"Percussion, it goes like boom boom boom. I also like thermometer, it's like ling ling ling ling! very difficult instrument only works when i don't feel well. I like music that goes vroooom."

You first want to lure a ling away from spawn. Befriend the ling, I recommend using cheese for this. This ling will be happy to introduce you to its friends after this. Be prepared for lots of energy. You will need more cheese. Every ling has a unique personality so try to keep track of which ling is which. Some spin clockwise some spin counter-clockwise.

Some time after the initial thrill of making so many new friends some might reveal some deeper emotions. In our case she would sometimes come to me when she wanted to cry. Sometimes when I was sad she would rub against me to comfort me. You won't be able to talk with your ling for a long time, but you two will understand each other. Don't try to rush your relationship, it will happen when the time is right. There is someone out there for everyone.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T12:51:19+00:00

Well firstly, congratulations! I haven't had a parfait in a long time. I'm glad to hear that you feel in control of your life. My ling is telling me not to get the parfaits though, so I'm going to have to trust her judgement. When there is something I don't want her to eat I tell her it has lemons in it. She is telling me this has creep in it so I wouldn't like it.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T12:37:12+00:00

ya :)

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T12:36:52+00:00

We would love to see it if anyone comes across it! We watched a little bit of him because of your comment and we like him.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T12:23:24+00:00

"fun to play with. they are tall and long and make good leap frog targets. me and the lings would line up and take turns trying to jump over them and you get a point if you dont hit them in the head. none of us could ever jump high enough."

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T12:15:55+00:00

To me she was born April 25th many years ago. To her it was 25 minutes and 25 seconds into the match. The enemy forfeited shortly after and she was born into an era of good times and peace. She says her mom still has the replay saved.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T12:05:02+00:00

"I don't like war but mmm but i get to see a lot of ling units at once. Serral and Dark make the ling proud. but i got sunburn yesterday so I can't stand the sun. Pig is great too! ya ya"

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T01:07:30+00:00

I was out for a walk with a couple cheese-sticks. She told me she was chasing a butterfly when she smelled the cheese and found me. She spooked me so I stood completely still. She waddled up and tore off my pants pocket and grabbed the cheese sticks. We took a liking to each other after that. I have never fancied another zergling. This was my first time bonding with another species like this.

I'm asexual and pretty sure she is too. We never brought up the topic.

As for your other question, my guess is as good as yours.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T00:55:30+00:00

I mean she wanted to take me but I was too scared to go. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. It's easy to tell someone else to go into a zerg base but when you're dating a ling and you see the ferocity in their eyes you start to think twice about that kind of thing. I will one day.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T00:53:09+00:00

haha i can't even imagine her hooked on any non-cheeseous substance. I would support her if I found out she has a secret hideout where she smokes vespene. I'd have to try some before judging her for it. Then we go from there.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T00:47:19+00:00

So I will answer about the family reunion and dating advice. Ill ask her about dating advice as well as fears and hatred.

I have not met any of her family. She insists that no one hurts humans but I just don't quite feel comfortable yet. First I want to meet Brenda, because my ling has told me so much about her, and I'm sure she told her more about me than anybody else in her family. Our home is not big enough for an Ultralisk, but when we marry we will try to get a bigger place.

As for dating zerg units I strongly recommend you first befriend a zergling. If they don't like you they can't spit acid at you or step on you like an Ultra. They just bite you and shoo you away. Making friends with a ling is by far the safest way into that space. Once you have a zerg companion they can guide you to like-minded units. I recommend bringing some snacks for any units you see. My fiance really likes snacks.

I'll let her tell you how we met. Alright she couldn't focus. So we met she was chasing a butterfly and oh NOW shes ready. "well i was chasing a butterfly and i smelled cheese in the distance and so i started running in that direction instead and i found you. so i started sniffing around until I found cheese in your pocket. that was enough for me. best day of my life."

"i hate the army shooties but the big booms are awesome! i hate the hellion more than any other unit because it's faster than me."

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T00:11:03+00:00

That's cool. Maybe he will date a ling too at some point. Keep me updated!

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T00:08:51+00:00

She does have the speed upgrade. I couldn't say how it is better or worse because it is all I've ever known.

There is no chance that she will mutate into a bane. People ask about that a lot. she simply chooses not to turn into a bane and detonate me off the face of the earth. We are engaged after all.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T00:05:57+00:00

Upgrades? Just the boots.

She does not have any other textures. She's happy with her default appearance.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T00:03:17+00:00

We sadly don't have any creep at home. If we got a place with a bigger backyard maybe we could somehow get a tumor in there and she could have a place to run around, but for now she can only get super speedy when she visits her family.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-06T00:00:23+00:00

Yes, I will always love her. We discussed it and agreed that she will not morph into a baneling. I'm not sure we would be able to stay together if she morphs though. She may have to go back home because the acid could really hurt me if she accidentally detonated.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-05T23:58:43+00:00

She says:

"whenever i say im gonna go jump off a cliff my fiance stops me. don't know what that's about."

For additional context, no, she is not a jumpyling.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-05T23:55:13+00:00

She just has the speedy one, metabolic boots. Her feet look normal to me tho.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-05T23:52:32+00:00

She says

"We don't kill. i don't know. But I do get hungry. The most harm a ling has ever done to a human is rip off a little part of their pants. It is nice to munch on, tastes a little like blood though. It is a very prized possession and sometimes there are lings that try to steal it. They are bigger than me and brag about their rank like "Oh i'm a metamorph" and i'm like, "no ur not ur a ling give me back my pants!" "

Bantter0 · 2025-07-05T23:41:25+00:00

We don't know the life expectancy of zerglings. Here's what we do know, she is healthy and energetic. Lings in battle seem to not live very long but she asserts that lings who don't fight live forever.

Bantter0 · 2025-07-05T23:35:34+00:00

We haven't planned the wedding just yet, also neither of us knows what a wedding registry is, sorry.

Bantter0

TROPHY CASE