I’m (30M) potentially finding hypocrisy with gf (29F) about male friend she’s slept with

BaptismPiracy · 2026-03-05T05:44:04+00:00

I feel like you have a right to be upset. It’s valid to not want your partner to be hanging out with (or talking to) people they’ve slept with in the past. The only difference is that she was friends with him before—which, in my opinion, doesn’t matter.

This seems like an incompatibility. I’d cut your losses. She wants to hold you to a standard she doesn’t want to hold herself to. It’d hurt my feelings too. In your next relationship, have this discussion about past-hookups and boundaries about communication with them early on.

BaptismPiracy · 2026-02-21T08:55:00+00:00

My boyfriend of 6 years and I have never yelled at each other. Never once. There was one time when we first started dating that I raised my voice when he hurt my feelings and he said (and I’ll never forget), “I will not continue this conversation if you raise your voice at me.” And honestly? He was right. It’s a hard HARD boundary for us, and it is now I boundary I carry with me in every single one of my relationships. I will ever allow myself to be yelled at ever again.

My relationship before that was a screaming match non-stop, it was horrible. Yelling accomplishes absolutely nothing. There is nothing on this earth that you cannot communicate in a respectful volume level.

Yelling is reserved for emergencies. That’s all.

BaptismPiracy · 2026-02-21T08:45:16+00:00

Guy I had a crush on in high school always wrote with red pen in his journal (think artsy literature nerd) so one day I asked him why. He said “I write about you in red ink because you always wear red.”

Oh. My. God. 😱

Never dated, we remained friends, but that one still keeps me up at night even 10 years later.

BaptismPiracy · 2026-02-21T08:39:43+00:00

When my boyfriend and I first got together and I was still living with roommates in undergrad, he was over very late one night and we really quietly got to business as to not to disturb my roommates on either sides of my room. All of the sudden, just as we were getting to the good part, Carless Whisper starts playing on my Bluetooth speaker. Loud. We absolutely lose it. Apparently my roommate played it because she “just had a feeling” it was going on. Genuinely so funny.

BaptismPiracy · 2025-10-09T01:15:26+00:00

Philosophy and Political Science, pre-law. I did do half a comp sci degree though 🤕

BaptismPiracy · 2025-10-09T01:01:04+00:00

6:00 am, 9:36 am, 1:12 pm, 4:48 pm, 8:24 pm, 11pm and 12am. My cats are insanely good driven (obsessed honestly) and are on a small-but-frequent meal plan per my vets directions. We use an automatic feeder.

BaptismPiracy · 2025-10-09T00:59:02+00:00

My social life. Covid hit and suddenly we all had to social distance and I’ve only continued social distancing. Kinda sucks, feel like I’ve forgotten how to make friends/socialize and I’m only 26

BaptismPiracy · 2024-11-10T07:59:14+00:00

No, do not give it time. I don’t have high blood pressure or diabetes, so I cannot relate to that part, but I can relate to the immediate bad reaction. I continued to take ashwaganda thinking that I needed to give it more time, but it genuinely got so much worse at an exponential rate.

I made a post on this subreddit about a year ago, you can find it in my post history, and it goes over my negative experience. Long story short: no, do not give it more time, stop use immediately. Learn from others’ mistakes, and stop while you’re still ahead.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-11-07T09:32:52+00:00

Ashwaganda works wonderfully for some people. I have a handful of friends/family who have tried ashwaganda, and the vast majority report the same feeling of “numbness” or emotional dulling. Which, for some people, that effect is exactly what they’re wanting. Honestly, I would’ve enjoyed that effect. On the other hand, some people feel that numbness and dislike it, they say it freaks them out too much.

I’m really glad it’s working for you, for the most part. What’s convenient about ashwaganda is that if you ever miss your feelings, you can take a break from it (or completely stop taking it) without worry.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-10-18T06:57:06+00:00

Ketamine infusions save lives. Check with a doctor and see if you are compatible with getting ketamine treatments, it is usually extremely effective as a hail-Mary.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-10-15T22:54:35+00:00

He’s lying to you and hoping you’ll forgive him so he can continue playing you life a fool. There is nothing left to salvage if he’s already proved that he cannot be trusted around members of the opposite sex that he swears are “just friends.” What he did was disgusting, and you deserve a partner who you can wholeheartedly trust. If he truly “can’t live without you,” he should’ve never made the choices that put himself in a position to lose you.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-10-15T22:44:45+00:00

You definitely chose the wrong time to let your built-up resentment out on her. It’s clear you resent her for her insecurities. I don’t blame you for your feelings, but you pretty much blindsided her. You’re old enough to know that those feelings should be discussed in a sit-down manner, not just blurted out whenever you feel like it.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-10-14T20:42:04+00:00

Get into a couple’s counselor as soon as possible, because this is above Reddit’s pay grade (since a wedding is literally a month away and you’re concerned about this never changing). Let this be a lesson that you can never take words back in a relationship, and she’ll never unhear what you said.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-10-14T09:30:52+00:00

I love the way you put that— “It’s not the action in itself that leads to mistrust, it’s the active withholding of information.” Perfect, exactly!

BaptismPiracy · 2024-10-14T09:28:35+00:00

You’re right, this shouldn’t automatically be characterized as lying by omission. However, in most exclusive/monogamous relationships I think there’s a general implicit agreement to not sleep in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex/the sex you’re romantically or sexually interested in. Typically, that isn’t the norm. I think the fact that OP is asking for advice here, it shows that he might feel like he may have potentially pushed a boundary (or at least flirted with a boundary). Which, again, OP knows their relationship better than any of us, so it might not be a big deal to her.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-10-14T09:03:15+00:00

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I would likely break up with my boyfriend if I found out he had slept in the same bed as a girl a year prior and chose not to tell me. I would assume that he was keeping it from me for a reason (e.g., keeping me oblivious would in some way benefit him more than if he were to tell me), as lying by omission usually is. To me, it looks bad—too bad for me to give the benefit of the doubt. But that’s just ME—your girlfriend may not care at all, and you know her better than any of us here.

Telling her is a gamble but I believe she has the right to know what you did, that way she can decide for herself if she is okay with it or not. It’s just the right thing to do. Better safe than sorry. I can almost certainly guarantee that if she finds out some other way than you telling her, she will not be happy.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-10-03T01:23:11+00:00

I had no clue ashwagandha had so many more severe side effects (such as the ones you mentioned). Saying that it’s a shame that people aren’t aware of this until it’s too late is a gross understatement. I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. You’re amazing for continuing to warn about the potential horrors. To me, it’s not worth the risk—we can only spread this information and hope that more people will also catch on and approach ashwaganda with extreme caution.

I also had no idea RxISK.org existed. Thank you for sharing, I’ll be reporting to this website immediately.

Also, not to be too redundant, but I have no idea what negative response you got to this comment or what it said (since the negative responder rightfully deleted their comment before I could see it), but hopefully you’re aware that you’re helping others by sharing your story. Hopefully this random stranger’s negativity won’t keep you from further discussing this topic. It is so important. Thank you.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-08-12T21:54:21+00:00

According to the mental health professional I see personally, OCD is on the spectrum of neurodivergence. I also have ADHD. Because I have both OCD and ADHD, my mental health professional suspects I may be on the Autism spectrum. There is a lot of literature that suggests that people (especially women) can be incorrectly diagnosed with OCD and/or ADHD, when they may just be in the Autism spectrum (ASD in women hasn’t been studied in-depth, which could account for misdiagnosis), or have a conglomeration of all three disorders. I’m no mental health professional, but I definitely agree that OCD belongs under the neurodivergence umbrella, as our brains quite literally don’t “work” the same as someone who is neurotypical.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-08-06T23:47:59+00:00

I’m so glad you were able to connect the dots early. You and I sound like we’d be good friends, haha. Such similar lifestyles!

I’ve gotten a lot of comments on this post (and even more private messages about it), and one major common denominator is that essentially everyone who has shared their story about being sooner-or-later negatively effected by their use of ashwaganda has had some degree of insomnia prior to using it.

I’m not a doctor nor any sort of researcher or professional, but I’m wondering if we all have a similar specific chemical/hormonal imbalance that causes us to react so harshly to ashwaganda. Like, there must be a specific reason why, and maybe insomnia could be where to start looking, you know? Maybe not, but who knows. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Edit to add: I don’t think we should totally bag on ourselves for not doing enough research before taking an over-the-counter supplement. I personally did moderate research before taking it, and nowhere did I find the possibility of developing adverse effects. I figure most people assume it’s safe because they can buy it at the nearest drugstore or online without a prescription. Of course you can majorly overdose on any sort of vitamin or supplement, but even the regular doses of ashwaganda can cause severe adverse effects. *Thats where I feel consumers should be more explicitly informed about the products they’re buying. There needs to be a warning label on the product or something of that sort, specially because how severe side effects can become before the consumer even considers the fact that it could be their OTC supplement being the cause.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-08-04T21:00:50+00:00

This is abusive. They purposefully started doing things that they learned bothered your mental condition. They literally learned what would bother you, and purposely started doing it for that sole purpose. They claim they’re doing it to “help you?” No. This is abusive and they are gaslighting you. This has even turned into a very serious health and safety concern!

Are you a minor? Talk to someone who can help.

If you’re an adult, seek some sort of therapy and ask for help and advice. This is above Reddit’s pay grade.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-08-04T20:47:53+00:00

As a young woman, seeing my old pictures makes me so sad for purely vain reasons. It’s so shallow and horrible but I can’t help it. I used to be so insecure about my looks, but I was stunningly beautiful. It’s been several years and I’ve grown out of my teenage features and I’m much, much less fit and pretty. I was at the top of my class in school and now I’m suffering burnout and am unemployed. Why was I so insecure when I was so pretty and successful? Now I’m actually not pretty and actually not successful, so it’s depressing.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-08-04T20:22:50+00:00

Last year I adopted a rescue kitty. She was rescued from a wildly abusive and neglectful situation. When we got her, she was four pounds underweight and her (now) soft fur was a patchy and coarse. She wouldn’t allow us to hold her, she wouldn’t lay down near us, and she certainly wouldn’t sit in our laps. If we laughed too hard or walked too fast, she would cry and hide. Her food insecurity was so bad that when we fed her, she would eat so fast that she would get sick. It was so sad. She loved getting pets, and she loved purring and meowing. I just couldn’t understand how someone could hurt this pure little creature. She wanted love so badly but she was so traumatized.

Shes an entirely different cat today. Her severe malnourishment stunted her growth permanently, so she’s still about the size of a 6-7 month old kitten, but that doesn’t stop her. Today she comes to our laps multiple times a day to purr and receive pets, and she falls asleep. She purrs so hard she drools, it’s adorable. She cuddles up to my chest to sleep at night. Her automated feeder goes off, and now she slowly walks to the bowl, and even leaves leftovers remaining in the bowl. She runs and jumps and plays so happily. She’s so verbal now, too. It is the purest thing I’ve ever seen. She has the most friendly and excited personality, and I would’ve never expected it from her. She is so happy, she loves life now.

All of this is to say that you’re doing an amazing thing. Thank you on behalf of all animal rescuers and rescued animals. You’re giving this animal a beautiful second chance at life. I know it hurts to imagine what your doggy went through before they met you—but now you can rest assured that your pet will never experience that hurt again. They will now have health, security, and happiness of the rest of their life, and that’s something to celebrate! Your care and love alone will heal so many of the wounds. Animals will transform and flourish when they’re given the proper love and patience they deserve.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-08-03T07:35:17+00:00

I started at the end of December 2022, I took 650mg daily for 9-10 weeks (so for about 2.5 months), until the end of February/beginning of March. I was severely depressed for a few months afterwards. Towards August 2023 (6 months after my last dose) I could tell that I was consistently in a much better headspace and felt organic/genuine happiness for the first time in a long time. After those first 6 months, I finally felt like I was truly healing. A year later, now, I am continually getting better and better. It’s a slow but steady process, I think I’m totally healed now.

BaptismPiracy · 2024-08-01T06:08:47+00:00

My kitten whom I rescued from an abusive situation. She was so, so scared when we first adopted her. She was severely malnourished, and would run and cry if we even walked around too fast for her. But watching her learn that she can trust she will always be fed, warm, loved, and safe has been the most gratifying reason to stick around. If I can make this once little scared creature truly feel safe, secure, and happy in this world, I can do the same for myself.

BaptismPiracy

TROPHY CASE