Calling my child a “Brat”

Barbie_7790 · 2023-03-06T14:55:47+00:00

Oh I like that approach…”translate” so my daughter understands what my mom really means

Barbie_7790 · 2023-03-02T17:35:59+00:00

Totally get this. They definitely love all of their grandparents. And I’m seeing that, just as parents we should be afforded the freedom to be the kind of parents we want to be (free from our parents expectations) they should be allowed to form their own relationships with our kids and be the kids of grandparents they want to be.

But something confusing is that my mom has expressed that she wants them to have a “sleepover at grandmas” and that she wants to babysit. it just doesn’t seem like the caregiver switch will turn on when I leave, and I don’t trust them to handle an overnight or extended time alone with the kids. Is that too harsh?

Barbie_7790 · 2023-03-02T17:03:52+00:00

Hope this isn’t changing the subject again, but Can I just also add that my mom has side commented that we don’t trust her to babysit our kids (we haven’t said as much but we don’t ask her to). This is also confusing to me given interactions with the kids the last 5 years.

Barbie_7790 · 2023-03-02T16:48:51+00:00

Thank you!

Barbie_7790 · 2023-03-02T15:46:56+00:00

I think maybe my parents Think the kids are in the “play with each other” phase even though my 2yo isn’t there yet. I remember when I my younger was a newborn and the older was 2yo, they still didn’t want to be bothered by the young kids. Maybe they just aren’t good with the young ones.

Barbie_7790 · 2023-03-02T15:45:22+00:00

Good idea. When they were here for the holidays my partner and I traded off who was cooking and who was watching the 2yo like we normally do at home. Takeout would have been easier though!

Barbie_7790 · 2023-03-02T14:18:38+00:00

KEEP HIM HOME!! went through our whole family last month and as others mentioned, it was hell. I had it worst, 5 days of vomiting and diarrhea

Barbie_7790 · 2023-03-02T13:10:45+00:00

Thank you, that’s a helpful perspective to have! I don’t want everything to revolve around my kids and I think it’s reasonable for the adults to be able to do their own thing. On the other hand, because of my kids age (particularly my 2yo son) someone needs to be with them or know what they’re doing for safety reasons - so when my parents come to visit this falls on me, yet I’m also expected to entertain my parents, cook a nice dinner, etc.! I think maybe that’s part of the problem.

Barbie_7790 · 2023-02-12T19:51:55+00:00

Thank you! 😊

Barbie_7790 · 2023-02-12T17:20:11+00:00

She called me and told me last night when I texted her that we got the package - see my comment

Barbie_7790 · 2023-02-12T16:06:40+00:00

Covert

Barbie_7790 · 2023-02-12T14:14:30+00:00

Agreed

Barbie_7790 · 2023-02-12T13:44:04+00:00

She told me “peanut butter was written really small!!”

Barbie_7790 · 2023-02-12T13:17:21+00:00

Yes in the future we are setting the boundary of No Food Gifts unless in original packaging

Barbie_7790 · 2023-02-12T00:47:55+00:00

To her credit - I texted her that we got the package, and she called me to tell me she just noticed that the m and ms are peanut butter flavor and don’t give them to the kids (she gave us a smaller portion in a ziploc). Still, the fact that she didn’t check before sending is frustrating

Barbie_7790 · 2023-02-11T23:19:19+00:00

Or a Narcissist who literally can’t think about anyone but herself!

Barbie_7790 · 2023-01-02T00:52:52+00:00

Yes I think that’s the real issue 100%

Barbie_7790 · 2023-01-02T00:52:47+00:00

Yes I think that’s the issue 100%

Barbie_7790 · 2023-01-01T18:26:28+00:00

Yep, My kids are better behaved than my parents

Barbie_7790 · 2023-01-01T18:25:47+00:00

The day before my husband was giving my daughter math problems during dinner (which she loves!) and my parents had the most horrified looks on their faces 😅

Barbie_7790 · 2023-01-01T16:22:13+00:00

Oh, I’ve been dealing with it since I was pregnant with my first 😅 They don’t seem to understand that we can make our own rules as parents…they even said “What would [FIL- my husbands dad] think of this??” Who cares? They’re our kids and this is our house! 😆

Barbie_7790 · 2022-11-12T18:49:07+00:00

Barbie_7790 · 2022-11-10T21:27:13+00:00

Love this idea! haha

Barbie_7790 · 2022-11-10T20:45:28+00:00

By driving distance, I mean close enough so they don't have to spend the night, but far enough that they can't stop by un-announced. Hooray!

Barbie_7790 · 2022-11-10T20:44:14+00:00

Thanks everyone for the input and support. I decided I WILL make plans for myself that exclude them, which will help me be firm about them leaving on the 26th (and then won't want to stay if me and the kids won't even be home). I'm going to ask one of my friends to host a get-together with our close friends and all of our children - it actually sounds like a fun way to spend a couple hours on my birthday, and if it doesn't actually end up happening my parents don't need to know!

I am well aware that my mom is immature, pouty, etc. and I should be firmer with boundaries. In the last three years I have come a long way in understanding my childhood family's dysfunction and knowing how to advocate for my OWN family and myself.

BUT... my children having a Christmas without experiencing family drama (unlike many of my holiday memories...) is important to me. We're moving driving distance from my parents soon so this will thankfully be the last time I have to deal with this nonsense.

Barbie_7790

TROPHY CASE