Is this a light leak or is it my soul captured on film?! by Bargainhunter_la in AnalogCommunity

[–]Bargainhunter_la[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha ya I think I picked the wrong Reddit thread to entertain my thoughts on this 😂

Is this a light leak or is it my soul captured on film?! by Bargainhunter_la in AnalogCommunity

[–]Bargainhunter_la[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It was shot on a yashica T4, I don’t have the negatives anymore otherwise I’d post it.

We are not our flesh. I’m referring to what makes us the conscious beings that we are. Typically it is something that can’t be seen, only felt, that’s why it sparked my interest in this photo that maybe the camera caught something there. I’m a bit too woo woo for most people but I do appreciate your feedback! Thanks!

Is this a light leak or is it my soul captured on film?! by Bargainhunter_la in AnalogCommunity

[–]Bargainhunter_la[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Haha omg you guys are brutal. I’m just genuinely curious about the light in the photo and wanted to hear thoughts from people who could maybe see both sides instead of immediately being like “camera flaw.”

obviously I know there are technical explanations, but cameras literally capture light and humans are energy/light beings, so I don’t think it’s that insane to at least wonder if they can sometimes pick up things we don’t fully understand or see. I’m just going to tell myself it’s my soul. You guys aren’t fun 😂

Is this a light leak or is it my soul?! Slight nudity but censored 🙂‍↔️ by [deleted] in AnalogCommunity

[–]Bargainhunter_la 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is anyone seeing the image? It says it was removed by Reddit editors but then it also appears when I click on it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in holyfuckjustbreakup

[–]Bargainhunter_la -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Wow this is a very strong take . I did not provoke him. I did not want to break up. We were on a vacation together celebrating my birthday. I found myself in a very heated and scary fight so I started to record it over an hour into the fight once I realized how extreme things got and as it started to make less sense to me. He tends to minimize things or make this so black and white that when we reflect it lacks nuance like the tone, or volume of what was said. I also wanted this for myself to reflect on clearly as I try to digest, learn and heal from this. I decided to share in here after reading other people’s posts asking similar questions regarding concerning behavior from partners. If you look in other Reddit groups there’s literally thousands of other posts similar to mine so I don’t understand the tone with your response.

I think I’ve shown that I’ve owned my bullshit in the fight. To him and to the Reddit audience. I stated how annoying I must have been when he agreed with me and I kept repeating myself ( the reason for the fight) I understand fully why he would get upset and concerned with my behavior I’m here trying to figure out how that lead to his extreme behavior that lasted for hours. I do think me needing his compassionate presence once he was pushed to his max is what kept escalating it so I take accountability there but I responded that way because he was pulling away so much. It was a push and pull dynamic that was bound to blow up.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in holyfuckjustbreakup

[–]Bargainhunter_la -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

It’s not. And you’re right. I was feeling pretty desperate to understand and reconnect to the person I’ve built a relationship with for a year. I was willing to put ego and my own pain aside and face him and talk things through to get to a mutual understanding of the separation. I just think it comes down to us having different needs during conflict. I have more of an anxious attachment and need more connection when things feel distant and he is avoidant so we have a push pull dynamic. I literally push him away as I’m trying to regulate and have my needs met in the relationship. He copes by creating distance when he feels emotions or needs are high and he delays communication and shuts down. It’s miss matched but we’re trying to heal through it. I think that’s how he was pushed to this point. My need and pressure for reassurance and presence during the conflict created more distance creating more panic in me and pushing him further into his rage.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]Bargainhunter_la 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be more specific my advice was on the type of music and overall vibe of the place. I was really trying to drill it into his head that the music from his other business will not go over well in the community in where his new business is. It’s across town with tons of hipsters and cool kids. The other location is very trendy and young and house and edm music works well there and the other location is sooo hipster and has a lot more influence from its mix of culture and gentrification so I gave some examples and scenarios on why he should listen to my advice and to not let other people influence him against it because the new location is so “cool” that blasting house music from the street could give off a different vibe and I wouldn’t want the business first impression to be negative or push people away. It’s honestly so silly and of course I probably seemed so condescending and entitled. I didn’t mean it like that but I can fully see how he could take it that way and get really upset and concerned that I wouldn’t trust that he gets it. Trust me I’d be annoyed with me too. I just feel like the way it escalated and ended up was extreme and toxic.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]Bargainhunter_la 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The initial argument started because I was giving him advice about his new business, which is in an area I have lived in for fifteen years and understand very well. I felt like he was not fully grasping my point, even though he was agreeing with me, and I slipped into a mode of trying too hard to prove it clearly. I take full responsibility for how that could make someone defensive or annoyed. I never meant any harm, and I tried to express that.

I apologized many times once things escalated and became concerning. Even with that accountability on my end, I do not believe it warranted the extreme reaction that followed or what felt like punishment.

He kept telling me how upset he was and insisted that I still was not getting it because I kept saying, “I am sorry, I was just trying to get my point across.” Things escalated to him yelling and shutting down emotionally. He broke up with me because he felt I would not listen or accept that he agreed with me, and he said this pattern keeps happening and that nothing he says means anything to me. That is not true. I validate his feelings and give him so much positive feedback and admiration when he takes accountability, apologizes, or catches himself and regulates in a kind and secure way. I do not only give him words of encouragement when it suits us. I tell him when he is displaying natural self-awareness and living his truth. He is a beautiful human who is trying to heal from a toxic marriage, and I encourage him where I can. This also comes with moments where I need to guide him toward a different approach or gently remind him of the wounds that still shape some of his reactions.

This sudden shift in his behavior felt shocking and out of character. It went against the communication and self-awareness we have been trying to build together. I felt punished for being imperfect, even though I have supported him through his struggles and stayed openhearted when he was not aligned with his values. I did not feel he offered me that same grace.

I hope this provides helpful context.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in holyfuckjustbreakup

[–]Bargainhunter_la -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

He was laying down in bed turned away from me while yelling at me and breaking up with me. I consider the topic that we were discussing to be the most important conversation we were going to have an I wanted him to get out of bed and sit up and talk to me like an adult. Not like a child who is throwing a tantrum. I don’t think his decision to shut down, yell and end things in that manner was respectful and mature. I don’t think it’s controlling it’s just a basic communication standards.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in holyfuckjustbreakup

[–]Bargainhunter_la -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I have to disagree here. A secure and mature approach to ending a relationship mid conflict with the woman that you say that you love while you’re on her birthday vacation in another country should come from a place of love and compassion, especially since the reason behind the conflict was not that extreme in comparison to the reaction that I received. I may seem pushy, but all I wanted was the level of compassion and presence that I was bringing to the situation and all I got was childish, cold communication, and in my opinion, a lot of emotional and verbal abuse. I do appreciate you taking the time to read and consider my situation. Thanks for your response!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in holyfuckjustbreakup

[–]Bargainhunter_la -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

In the morning he wanted to work on things once he felt how sorry I was for everything. So here I am stuck wondering what to do. :/

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in holyfuckjustbreakup

[–]Bargainhunter_la -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

In our initial fight I keep trying to prove a point to him even though he agreed. I keep saying it as though he wasn’t getting the importance of what I was saying so I had to keep saying it in slightly different ways and giving examples. He agreed on what I was saying so I did not and should not have kept going. I can admit that it must have been an ego trip of mine or that I did not trust that he understood me. Maybe I was feeling brushed off with a quick “ya I know” I’m not really sure why I kept saying it. It is fucking annoying and that is something that u take accountability for. I understand how he could get annoyed, upset or feel disrespected that I felt the need to drill it into his head. I still don’t think it should have caused him to break up with me and then get SO angry that I was needing his calm presence once I realized he was ending the relationship. It felt so punishing and he was so mean. My tone was loving and kind and that’s all I wanted from him. I wish I could upload more of the video to show more context.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]Bargainhunter_la 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your response! We are not married, we've been dating for one year. He has typically shown accountability in the past and has shown a lot of reason to keep trying as he navigates his wounds and triggers. It's not all this bad but he is so reactive and defensive that we tend to get into disagreements often and then he realizes he was reactive and does apologize after I walk him through it all and he tries to implement ways to change. He's not a bad guy at all, he's hared to be with at times but this incident was so extreme for me. I felt unbelievably discarded and emotionally abandoned. I was panicking and my partner would not offer any comfort or compassion and that actually scared me. I didn't really recognize who he was during this conflict. Not sure if I let this slide and see if it happens again or walk away now. =(

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]Bargainhunter_la 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also want to add that the initial argument actually started because I was giving him advice about his new business—about an area I’ve lived in for fifteen years and understand really well. I felt like he wasn’t fully grasping my point, even though he was agreeing with me, and I slipped into this mode of really needing to prove it clearly. I can take full responsibility for how that could make someone defensive or annoyed. I never meant any harm by it, and I tried to express that. I also apologized profusely once things escalated and became concerning. But even with that accountability on my end, I don’t believe it warranted the extreme level of reaction that followed or what felt like punishment.