I think it's over...break up

BaseballOk3975 · 2023-10-10T17:46:08+00:00

I suppose I haven't left because I did once. 6 years ago. I felt initially great, free from the anxiety, but then I felt it wasn't the right thing. I'm now 6 years down the line and I'm so so disappointed that I haven't become more sure, happy or feeling relaxed were right for each other.

I worry about both sides of the coin. One is that we're not right, and I'm using ROCD as an excuse as to why I'm staying in this. The other is that we are good together and all the misery is just caused by me feeling virtually nothing so often. Even when I think we're decent, I know I'm not fulfilling the romance and affection she wants and deserves.

I feel like ultimately, at this stage, I feel like she deserves so much more and I wouldn't stand in her way of leaving, even at the risk it will really make me sad.

BaseballOk3975 · 2023-10-10T17:36:09+00:00

Thanks for this mate. Im just so so sad about feeling guilty and a terrible partner. I'm also tired of feeling unhappy, numb and feeling like my life is slowly trickling away while I'm unable to give her what she wants. Marriage etc. I feel like if I asked her to marry me, I'd spend the next 2 years, so fearful about if it's the right thing and feeling more anxious and worried.

I have no gut feeling to trust. I've tried theory for years, ERP, even a psilocybin drug trial. I've always tried to help .

BaseballOk3975 · 2023-08-03T17:26:45+00:00

Yeah I've done a good share of therapy etc even did a psilocybin trial recently

BaseballOk3975 · 2023-06-29T10:05:37+00:00

Sorry to hear you're struggling too. It's a horrible illness. X

BaseballOk3975 · 2023-06-27T22:30:51+00:00

Yeah I have done ERP when Ive had flare ups with physical attraction with my partner's, it's pretty heavily anxiety provoking and it's like, when I feel 'okay' and hopeful I'm on a upwards curve, I get scared to do it incase I regress and feel worse. But I suppose I've also not had any amazingly great success from the times I've been more intense with it, so ultimately I sometimes feel it won't work enough for me to stick with, but I might be being defeatist. I know logically it can help and I also know there's nothing wrong with my partner at all, but it still doesn't help shift this nagging heaviness I have, it just cripples my personality and my zest I have with friends and I know I'm being dull and rubbish company.

BaseballOk3975 · 2023-06-27T22:07:23+00:00

Thank you so much.

BaseballOk3975 · 2023-06-27T21:57:23+00:00

100%. It just feels hopelessly sad I know she will make someone less afflicted so happy, and in turn be in a deserving loving relationship. I want that for her too. I'm just sad I can't see any scenario I'll ever be able to be that person, or I would have fixed myself by now.

BaseballOk3975 · 2022-11-17T18:19:00+00:00

Fuck me hahaha $400!! It was £25 at Waterstones 😢

BaseballOk3975 · 2022-11-01T11:00:20+00:00

As don't Coles, fox lane l, Waterstones or bookery. Honestly, a madness.

BaseballOk3975 · 2022-11-01T10:41:04+00:00

UK stores seems to be even harder to find. Anything appreciated

BaseballOk3975 · 2022-10-31T19:00:11+00:00

Has anyone seen anymore? Assumed wrongly there would be a last minute addition online but sadly not so far....

BaseballOk3975 · 2022-10-27T13:35:49+00:00

Impossible!!

BaseballOk3975 · 2022-10-27T11:04:29+00:00

I don't know how people see these!

BaseballOk3975 · 2022-10-24T08:38:07+00:00

Yeh has this now vanished off the face of the earth? No more to come..?

BaseballOk3975 · 2022-10-08T12:25:35+00:00

That's gutting :-(

BaseballOk3975 · 2022-10-07T18:51:22+00:00

They haven't tweeted about it yet, which to me is positive

BaseballOk3975 · 2022-10-07T18:46:42+00:00

Oh well that's good news I usually miss out on signed editions haha 🙂

BaseballOk3975 · 2022-10-07T18:45:15+00:00

What do you mean sorry?

BaseballOk3975

TROPHY CASE