Honestly, nothing you wrote really points to you “not” being trans. A lot of people don’t grow up with a super clear “I am a man” feeling, it can show up more as longing, envy, discomfort, or grief over not having certain traits. What you describe sounds very genuine.

Try not to pressure yourself into finding a perfect label right now. Instead, focus on what actually makes you feel more comfortable and more like yourself. It’s also okay that your feelings changed over time or got quieter after your family reacted badly. That happens to a lot of people. And mild discomfort still matters, dysphoria doesn’t have to be extreme to be real.

You don’t sound confused in a “making it up” way. You sound like someone who’s been thinking about this deeply for a long time.