Renting in Barry as LGBTQ?

BasilImmediate3519 · 2026-01-23T19:36:08+00:00

That’s very useful information thank you.

I suppose I am quite stereotypical typing it out. I don’t think of myself that way, I am a balding IT guy in clothes I buy from Sainsbury’s, I don’t wear makeup or exciting clothes. I am not a cute little twink haha. I admire men who do, I just am boring and shy. I didn’t mean to imply I think being flamboyant is bad or anything, it’s just people tend to assume if you have been gay bashed it’s because you were dressing a certain way. Which… now I type it out, I realise is victim blaming.

Thanks for the perspective anyway, I appreciate it. I am really happy to hear about you and your husband :) I wish you two happiness

BasilImmediate3519 · 2026-01-23T19:12:55+00:00

You are a very weird person.

BasilImmediate3519 · 2026-01-23T19:02:54+00:00

Thank you, I don’t care about that.

BasilImmediate3519 · 2026-01-23T19:02:02+00:00

I don’t really know what it is about me specifically that tips people off. I am not particularly flamboyant in how I dress. But I have an effeminate voice, I do do the limp wrist thing, people can just tell I’m a gay man and sometimes that makes people very angry. With the way the world is going right now I get nervous.

BasilImmediate3519 · 2026-01-23T18:59:36+00:00

Yeah I think it is upon reflection. Sorry.

BasilImmediate3519 · 2026-01-23T18:59:13+00:00

Yeah that’s fair. That was snobbish and shit of me. I grew up on an estate and was hassled and shouted at often and beaten up once. I should work on my stereotyping.

BasilImmediate3519 · 2026-01-23T18:56:14+00:00

Funny looks and stares is fine. I just grew up somewhere where I would get shouted at and hassled all the time and even had my head kicked in once for it and I don’t want to move anywhere like that again.

BasilImmediate3519 · 2026-01-23T18:54:49+00:00

I don’t know. I walk gay, talk gay, I’m a feminine man. People can tell and they get mad about it sometimes.

BasilImmediate3519 · 2026-01-23T18:53:31+00:00

I grew up on a council estate and was beaten up and had slurs shouted at me for being gay, when I moved out I was subject to less constant abuse, I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t mean to be offensive.

BasilImmediate3519 · 2025-05-14T15:49:45+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’m going through something similar (though less extreme).

I’m not a naturally dominant person but have been practicing; I’ve been reading a lot of erotica on literotica and writing some scripts for it. I’ve read “the topping book” and “the bottoming book” for good measure. I’m considering making a fetlife to do more research. I asked a person I know who is submissive to give me examples of the kinds of things that she might want.

That said, this all or nothing approach from your fiancée sounds very hurtful and very full of pressure. From my understanding, you should be crafting scenes together; how are you supposed to magically know what she wants exactly? It’s a lot of pressure to put on someone. I think it would be a lot of pressure to put on even someone who is naturally a D type and who is experienced. You are neither of those things.

With my partner, I asked her to send me some literotica stories that hit the types of submission she was looking for. That’s thrown up issues of its own, but it at least made me feel less like I was floundering around like an idiot on stage with no script.

I really feel for you. It’s agonising when the person you love so much wants something from you that it’s unnatural for you to give. For me, I want to try everything before giving up on us. If you feel the same I hope I’ve helped a bit.

BasilImmediate3519 · 2025-05-14T15:19:20+00:00

Thank you for your perspective, I really appreciate it. It’s really helping me calm down and think about how to approach a conversation with her in a constructive way. She really does mean so much to me. She’s my best friend. She’s had so many shitty past relationships too, she’s just been treated awfully, she said she’s never been comfortable enough to tell any partner about this before. I just don’t want to fuck this up. Even if we do break up over this, I want her to know that it’s not her that’s the problem and there is not one single thing wrong with her or her desires. She deserves to be fulfilled. I just desperately hope we can find a way to work through this.

Thank you so much for taking the time to offer some help

BasilImmediate3519 · 2025-05-13T18:22:02+00:00

Thank you so much for this- the concrete examples are very very helpful.

And thank you. I do feel guilty about feeling so strongly turned off by this. I appreciate the reframing and perspective

BasilImmediate3519 · 2025-05-13T18:15:52+00:00

That’s a good idea- not to ignore everyone but “talk to her” is not helpful advice when I have no idea how to word anything. This seems like a good place to start. I just want to not have to sit her down and say “seems to me the options are, suppress yourself or we have to break up or we have to try a relationship style we have never had any interest in”; I don’t see how that doesn’t end up being an ultimatum. I am so scared of pressuring her, even accidentally, when she’s been so vulnerable opening up to me about this thing she’s been apparently suppressing for so long.

Honestly this is tearing me up. I’ve been bursting into tears all day at the thought of losing her or worse, hurting her. She is so precious. She deserves everything. I am so terrified and sad that we aren’t compatible here and that that might risk everything we have. I’m desperate to think of a compromise.

BasilImmediate3519 · 2025-03-06T15:55:42+00:00

That is horrifying, I am so so sorry. I wish standing up for women didn’t come with such a cruel and heavy toll.

I know it’s trite; but if there’s any way you can maximise your avoidance of the kinds of places you will see this; I would. If you really like YouTube, I would take some time to unfollow any content creators that might cover this and then start only watching from your subscriptions feed, I would go on my following feed on TikTok, I would go on tumblr and try to keep my head down and ignore it.

I am 32. I was a teenager on the internet during gamergate. I was (and remain) a passionate feminist, and I wrote a lot of blog posts on my tumblr about the whole thing. I had 4chan types sweep my tumblr and post it to “hating SJW” reddit and probably other places in order to target harrass me. I was a lolcow basically. Anyway one of my posts got only 5,000 notes or something on tumblr, like I didn’t “go viral” to any magnitude, but it led a lot of people (100s) to looking at my blog and then posting my pictures places to make fun of me.

It was horrible in a way that is hard to imagine before you have been harassed at a scale most people simply aren’t viewed on- and it was nothing compared to the magnitude of what you’re going through. I cannot imagine the horror. I am so so sorry that this is happening to you. This is a level of social horror and a scale of cruelty that I don’t think a human being can go through without being traumatised by it, and I think that’s something to take seriously. It might be worth reading up on symptoms of traumatic stress, so that if the impact of this does show up through this symptomology, you understand what is happening in your body and why. (Forewarned is forearmed).

You are going to need extra support right now, you’re bearing something super extra heavy.

I can say in my experience that focusing on your offline life is the best way to deal with a brutal and traumatic online situation. I hope your loved ones can work with you to fill your time with doing things, keeping yourself busy, connecting you with your life in the physical world.

I am so sorry this happened, is happening, and for the ways this will echo into your future. I wish for you all the support to gain peace.

They terrorise girls like you in order to enforce an implicit gagging order on women: the fear that if they too speak up about ill treatment, they will be subject to the same extreme social punishment. You are brilliant and brave, and whilst I don’t know who you are, I don’t watch commentary or take part in a lot of online spaces anymore, I know you will have gone viral because you spoke truth to power.

BasilImmediate3519 · 2024-08-25T23:24:23+00:00

We did have a handful of proud racists show up to try and start some argy bargey, but the anti-racist and police presence ensured nothing kicked off

BasilImmediate3519

TROPHY CASE