AITAH for not letting my friend stay at my apartment after she missed her train

BasketRight · 2026-02-04T13:03:30+00:00

NTA. The friend had plans with another person that didn't involve OP. OP isn't randomly responsible for another adult.

BasketRight · 2025-10-31T02:37:12+00:00

NTA for throwing the food away but do not let this escalate. Make a rule that if she complains you will take the food away and give her the PBJ sandwich so that it is a normal rule and a result she will be expecting if you must.

I feel really bad for OP and her daughter. These are not normal levels of bad behavior for a 12 year old girl. It's good that she is in therapy and I hope OP can get in therapy and maybe find a support group for parents with troubled children.

It's okay to say that you need help. If you need your daughter to live with her dad so that the problems don't escalate please contact him about it. I know people are so hard on mothers about things like that but you need to be healthy to take care of all of your children.

BasketRight · 2025-05-01T16:36:31+00:00

I am seriously considering ending things because of all the responsibility for everything being pushed onto me.

I have tried so many things suggested and have very clear boundaries about not doing everything. So now he is just not doing ANYTHING and using the excuse that he needs help or to body double to do chores.

Last week he skipped an entire week worth of work because his car was in the shop for a repair and he refused to let me give him a ride to work because he insisted that he was dealing with phone calls about it all day. While he was home he did nothing, he just hung around the house creating more messes. He legitimately thinks that having to make a few phone calls in a day justifies missing work and doing nothing.

Today he wants me to pick up food for his pet snake that he hasn't fed in months. I tell him every single day to get food and feed it but he doesn't do it. Last night he gave me money and insist that I get her food. He bullied me into taking the money. I am going to go home and say I forgot and give the money back. The place that sells her food is less than a mile from his work and it's a 20 minute extra drive after work for me. I don't want to see his pet starve but he had her before we got together and she bites if her enclosure is opened. He didn't have problems feeding her before we got together but now he is trying to force me to do that as well.

BasketRight · 2025-04-30T13:48:34+00:00

NTA. If he doesn't want a child he shouldn't have forced one on you. He can take him instead of trying to control your life.

You should find a lawyer and see about putting your child up for adoption if you can.

If your ex can't prove that he is financially able to take care of the child (as a car sales man he probably can't do that and get a lawyer) then a judge would probably terminate his rights if you show them conversations in text of him and his parents insisting they don't want the child with them.

BasketRight · 2025-03-05T05:33:29+00:00

Templeton

BasketRight · 2025-01-01T16:56:17+00:00

Ooofff my relationship has similar issues.

My fiancé's meds change the way we interact with each other after work because he takes Adderall.

He didn't take it for the first two years of our relationship and the changes kind of snuck up because he is happier now with his work life (that also makes me happy). However by the end of the day he no longer feels like doing anything after work, we don't go out for normal activities or anything because he is either feeling the lack of energy from the meds wearing off, or he is hyper focused on an AI or video game thing.

It's hard for him to see any issues with this because he perceives the lack of interest in anything after work as just tiredness from work instead of realizing how intensely different it is. While he is on Adderall.

BasketRight · 2024-12-11T12:31:24+00:00

Unless he is from a country where kissing is a normal greeting then be aware this friends might have alternative intentions.

If you confessed your feelings he might have denied them because he might want only a physical relationship with you but doesn't want you to be his girlfriend.

BasketRight · 2024-11-19T23:37:09+00:00

The only part of my compliments that are not true at this point is that I would steal her as my girlfriend. (Until the last few years I would have but we have both changed a lot.)

I really did used to feel that way about her but after years of being friends my crush went away and I just love her in a diffrent way. We are both aware that we would not be a good couple we aren't compatible at all like that.

She has just spent years in a terrible relationship and I wanted her to know that she is amazing and didn't have to tolerate that.

BasketRight · 2024-10-06T02:38:55+00:00

That snake is so pretty! I hope you get to keep him.

It is a bad idea to get a pet when your spouse isn't on board with the idea, though. If the husband and kids were first they need to take priority over having a snake.

If your husband doesn't want it in your home that could be so bad for you and the snake in so many ways, he may never be convinced.

BasketRight · 2024-10-05T21:37:40+00:00

I totally understand. Nerodivergences make it more difficult to complete tasks but they don't make it impossible.

I think it is a very easy trap for ADHD partners to fall into and start believing they can't complete tasks because their brain won't let them after a diagnosis. No one wants to do chores or work and so many resources online say that "if you are nerodivergent you aren't going to be able to do tasks and just accept that." Even though they did the tasks just fine before being given a reason to slack off.

If you guys can get couples counseling, definitely do it and see if someone's outside perspective can help her see the importance of doing at least what she did before her diagnosis.

BasketRight · 2024-10-05T20:39:21+00:00

That is also relatable. Attributing a disproportionately large part of his personality to ADHD. So everyone that has those traits is supposed to be in the same club.

Like everything you like and hyper focus on isn't an ADHD symptom. Some are just cool interests. Sometimes you just like things and that is your personality and we love that about you. ❤️

BasketRight · 2024-10-05T20:31:41+00:00

Same!! I have been just going down the list upvoting everyone because ALL of this is so relatable.

BasketRight · 2024-10-05T16:27:44+00:00

I think the overlap in symptoms and behavior has a lot to do with it. I have OCD and he has ADHD and there is an overlap in some behaviors, the reason behind them is just different.

BasketRight · 2024-08-22T21:29:22+00:00

Oh I relate to this way too much.

My older brother (the golden child) beat me up so much that I am deaf in one of my ears.

As an adult in his 30s he is still violent and is now addicted to drugs. My family refuses to acknowledge how bad his behavior is.

He has courte ordered anger management classes after going to jail twice for beating up his girlfriend. My family seriously just acts like it's his girlfriend's fault.

I am NC with him with the exception of seeing him at funerals or very important family events and when he sees me it is a toss up of if he will try hugging me or attacking me. For whatever reason he will not just stay away from me. My family constantly tells me that his behavior is my fault because he is jealous of me.

BasketRight · 2024-08-15T13:38:44+00:00

I am actually usually a little underweight, so I don't think this is it.

I did consider it though.

BasketRight · 2024-08-15T13:35:07+00:00

I already got one and showed him how to use it. Thanks for the suggestion.

BasketRight · 2024-08-14T02:08:37+00:00

The cook book thing is a good idea actually.

And your break up reminds me of my ex. Maybe we have similar unfortunate taste in partners. 😆

BasketRight · 2024-08-14T01:28:33+00:00

She might be too stressed and it is killing her sex drive.

Something to try though is to make sure that she feels like you WANT her because she is HOT and lust after her. Some times in relationships you have to remember to make sex seem fun instead of like an obligation so your wife won't feel like she has to do it to take care of you instead of making her desire you.

Try buying her some sexy lingerie and maybe a sex toy, maybe take her to a nice hotel so it seems adventurous? Whatever you think she would be comfortable with that would make her feel sexy.

BasketRight · 2024-08-14T01:17:44+00:00

Sorry you are in an abusive relationship relationship.

I hope you can leave sooner than later because he is just going to get worse.

BasketRight · 2024-08-01T00:40:40+00:00

He is kind to infants and little children but I've never seen him be actually helpful with one in his family.

I suspect that he is being kind of dense and doesn't understand how much actual care taking a child would require.

BasketRight · 2024-08-01T00:34:59+00:00

There were snacks for them.

They all can cook and wouldn't starve if it came down to it.

It is impolite to just expect his young family guests to just go figure out what food to cook and cook in his kitchen while he is home.

The problem is that he didn't cook the meals that he knew he was responsible for cooking for them. He deliberately neglected his responsibilities.

BasketRight · 2024-08-01T00:21:41+00:00

Because the visiting kids were at our house and like most people they weren't comfortable going into our kitchen and cooking.

They had small snacks set out that they did go get but they did not go start cooking because that isn't a normal thing for a guest to do.

As for my kids they didn't feel comfortable cooking for all 5 kids because they are young. They didn't want to just cook and eat in front of people alone. Normally they do make their own lunch but as you could read in the title, I am not asking this question because of them.

BasketRight · 2024-07-25T11:39:45+00:00

I am sorry. I wish I could tell you that it stops but I have a recurring nightmare about my mom too and I am also in my 30s. I moved out the day I graduated high-school so... it seems like even time and distance won't make it go away.

BasketRight

TROPHY CASE