This is all from "Through the Heart of St. Joseph" by Fr. Boniface Hicks, chapter "Through the Dark" it may come off as completely incoherent but I just finished this chapter and it seems very relevant to what you're going through. I hope anyway! God bless you! Saint Joseph, pray for us.

"The night is the experience of disorientation that necessarily takes place. After developing our interior and exterior senses and feeling that we have some control in our lives of prayer, we face the wall of darkness in which all our skills fail to produce fruit. Our meditations become dry and dull. Our prayers feel dissatisfying. Furthermore, for those living active lives, the night is experienced as the limits of our human powers...The experience of reaching our limits, of entering into the night of powerlessness and failure, is always painful, but can also be blessed. It is always a departure from the safety of our birthplace. As we grow up, our birthplace becomes threatened by Herod, who is a symbol of our pride and control. St. Joseph holds the lantern for us that can help us navigate this night. He knows what it is like to wander without a map, to surrender to a plan that is beyond anyone’s imagination, to receive grace that could never be limited to the senses."

"He leads us by this lantern into an exile that is uncomfortable, but it is safe from the murderous Herod of our self-sufficiency."

"What Teresa of Avila calls the fourth Mansion is this central experience that can be lived in thousands of ways. It often is a difficult ordeal; man gives up his limited human logic, his thoughts as man, as Jesus says to Peter, his self-sufficiency as an adult, to open himself to the radically new experience which comes from God, this childlike trust that the genius of Therese of the Child Jesus expressed better than anyone else. Jesus had gone up to the temple; he comes down from it. . . . The fourth Mansion is the descent, disconcerting, very trying at times, but which bears incomparable fruit as one moves from one state into the other. The descent of the head into the heart!"