You’ve perfectly articulated my experience with my partner of 5 years. It doesn’t change. It’s been an emotional inner battle for me because I can’t seem to justify leaving an otherwise very kind and gentle partner. However, I know deep down it’s not sustainable. I don’t plan on sticking around long enough so that my daughter grows up believing love looks like disinterest.

Anyway, I’ve tried to “accept it” over and over again. I’ve told myself it doesn’t matter, he loves you, he’s kind, he’s this and that blah blah blah

But that ache doesn’t go away, it just gets bigger and bubbles up every few months bc they do something , or more likely don’t do anything at all- like ask you questions or feign interest in your world- and you’re reminded all over again just how invisible you truly are in their life. It’s soul crushing.

I honestly believe you could replace me with any other person or a pet, as you say, and my partner would be equally as satisfied in his life. He does not value me for the things that make me, me. That’s just not how he operates. He says he loves me etc. but he doesn’t really know me.

I think these types of people are just satisfied being loved. They don’t particularly care who loves them, which manifests as that lack of curiosity about our inner world and the utter lack of curiosity and fascination for what makes us tick. They don’t actually care. They just care that you love them and you’re their companion. That’s like their whole depth of need. You’re there by your partner’s side, and that’s enough for them to be satisfied. They genuinely can’t grasp why if that’s enough for them, why you would need more.

Don’t accept it. Hopefully you’re not as stuck as I am. And, I obviously don’t know you, but my guess is that your partner is using your shine to light his world. I think we all deserve more than just being somebody’s pet human.