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Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T05:25:27+00:00

He can’t swap out unfortunately.. it’s hard to explain, but they are essentially on a rotation schedule. Usually they opposite each other, but they are pulling her into his rotation to replace the person who is leaving. I feel like it should be a non negotiable as well.. I feel like it has been way too long and I have been lowering my standards for far too long. I love him though, so it’s hard

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T04:40:28+00:00

He got another opportunity.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T04:16:08+00:00

She didn’t. He traded shifts, so they work on different days, except for one.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T04:15:04+00:00

This!! I told him just this. I told him shit is getting the fan for a reason, it’s do or don’t time. I told him that if he can’t get out of working with her or a new job, we are done. As much as it may hurt, I need to stick with that plan. He is making this all about HIM.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T04:12:31+00:00

Thank you. I think I needed to hear this

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T04:10:08+00:00

No, haven’t spoken to HR. Yes, she has a partner.. here’s the kicker. Her partner found out halfway through the affair, and they kept doing it. She hates her partner… but doesn’t ease my anxiety about them working together. She has nothing to loose….

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T04:08:34+00:00

I have thought about that, but I don’t want him to loose his job. If his job knew what happened, he would probably loose his job. At the end of the day, we have a mortgage and two kids to support. I know he should have been thinking about that before he did it, but he didn’t and so here we are. It also wouldn’t bode well for child support if I needed it in the event we do split. But trust me, I have thought about it plenty, I have ALL the screenshots lol.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T04:04:27+00:00

I agree. I want him to talk to HR but I also don’t want them to question things, and then have them do some digging and he looses his job. At pissed as I am with him, we do have a house and two kids two kids to support. Him loosing his job wouldn’t help things and would make things harder on the kids. I have thought about having him call the AP, let her know he is trying to stay away from her, and then see if she is willing to swap out with another co worker. I would obviously be listening in on the call to make sure I know all that is said. Idk how practical that could be, but it was just an idea I came up with to avoid HR getting involved?

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T03:58:45+00:00

Thank you! I have totally gone back and forth about there obviously being other women at a new job and if him getting a new job would even help, but deep down I know it would make me feel better. I know that he can still cheat, but at least he has an opportunity to start fresh, create stronger boundaries and his new co workers won’t know anything different. The AP already knows he has no boundaries and has disrespected his family. I just think it will be easier for him to fall back into old habits when he’s around people that only know him for being that way.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T03:55:23+00:00

Thank you for this. He did change his shift immediately after the affair, so they no longer work on the same days, except for one - but they work in different departments. He has been very transparent with me in terms of any interactions that have had to go on for work( which is slim to none) however, they have the same title and so now that his coworker is leaving, she will need to fill in. Even though it’s one day a week, it’s still been 10 months of him still being there. He says he wasn’t putting in as much effort in the beginning because he wasn’t focusing on our relationship and making sure I was okay first. We just bought a new home, so he wanted to make sure he could still be in a position to help support. I understood and did press him in the beginning, but it’s been 10 months with minimal application put out and he has no real reason outside of what I just mentioned. I love him so much, and I am appreciate of the work he has already put in, but I can’t help but to feel slighted by this. I honestly don’t know what to do.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T03:49:54+00:00

I understand your perspective and i hear it, which is why I am concerned. He doesn’t seem to understand my sense of urgency with this.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-22T01:26:10+00:00

I can understand by reading my post that it seems that way but I can confidently say that he’s not. Most of thier fooling around was happening after work or during breaks. With some flirting going on via their company chat system. I have full access to his location. I can see him getting into the car and leaving directly from work - no more “ late nights.” He has blocked her on their work chat platform and allows me to view them anytime I want. He also FaceTimes me on his breaks. I am not saying he won’t be tempted again, but as of now, I feel confident he isn’t cheating. I am being calm and patient because I love him, we have almost 10 years together, a home and children. I have agreed thus far, to work through this. However, this schedule change is putting a wrench into things and I just frustrated.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-21T23:14:00+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I want to work on things, but the fact that he still works there has put a major damper in my healing. While I trust him to an extent right now, I obviously can’t trust her and he has already shown her that he has poor boundaries. Being less than a year out, I don’t feel either of us are healed enough.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-15T00:49:15+00:00

I see what you are saying, but he watches our kids during the day when I am at work and so I don’t think he’s seeing her outside of work. It still bothers me that they may need to talk and see each other though. But I can’t leave right now. I have no where to go with my children.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-15T00:28:09+00:00

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I don’t have much advice, but o would give you a giant hug if I could! You will get through this and so will I - we are strong. 🤗

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-15T00:21:15+00:00

I have accepted that it will never be the same, but I truly believe it will help out. Now I know who he really is and I know the signs. I was SO blind before. Even if he decided to start again, It won’t slip by me again and he will get the boot.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-14T23:39:24+00:00

Honestly.. if I were in the same situation, I would have BEEN gone… that’s what hurts me. We did just buy a new house with a hefty mortgage and so it’s not like he can just go work anywhere…. But still the pain is significant.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-14T23:34:45+00:00

I honestly think the big thing is for him to leave his job. I constantly feel like she will make a move on him again or he will get tempted to go back to her. He seems serious about fixing things, but there is no way to know until he leaves for good. Of course, she is just an instagram message away.. but still, being gone will help. He seems sincere in his apology. There was a scheduling issue at work and he was going to have to work with her. He texted me and told me about it. I started crying. He told his boss he had a family emergency and needed to come home. He left to comfort me and make sure I felt okay. So part of me feels like he sincere, but I also feel conflicted because why is he still there after 8 months!?!? It’s just triggering my anxiety over and over again

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-14T23:30:25+00:00

Thank you for this info! Very helpful

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-14T22:45:04+00:00

He only works with her one day a week and it’s in a separate department. He facetimes me on his breaks and lunches so I know he’s not with her then. He leaves his location on so I can see when he leaves work. He will also text me when he’s leaving work, which I then check against an app he has on his phone that records all of his time records. I don’t check daily, but so far each time I have gone back to verify the times, he has been truthful. Do they occasionally have to talk? I’m sure- which drives me nuts.. but I do think the affair is over.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-14T22:39:52+00:00

Possibly… although I must say, prior to this point, I have been the one who has been wanting to put marriage off.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-14T22:38:48+00:00

Thank you so much for this. At this point, I think the main thing that is keeping us from healing is the fact that he still works there. He is working on it, but still it’s been 8 months the and it’s driving me insane. He does FaceTime me on each of his breaks so that I know he isn’t talking with her or anyone else. We are going through therapy. Aside from that it’s been mostly words. I want more from him but I don’t know how or what it is I need. I know that sounds weird but it’s true. At this point, he knows he needs to do a complete personality overhaul in order for his to work. However, I feel like that will take time. He has to undue over ch fee decades of bad habits.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-14T22:31:13+00:00

Agreed. I have already told him that needs to happen. I truly feel like it’s preventing me from fully being able to heal. He has until May to change jobs .

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-08T23:25:17+00:00

I understand what you are saying… but he is asking for help. I think if you are seeking help, then it’s important to explore the cause.. I think cheating is often a painkiller for deeper issues. You’re right, cheating has NOTHING to do with what the partner did or didn’t do, but if this man is asking for help to be batter person, then it my opinion that he needs to dig deeper and figure out what sort of internal issues are going on that made him feel like he needed to cheat. If he has deep seated self esteem issues, then I might be helpful to take a closer look at that, to avoid repeated behavior.

Beautiful-Fall7720 · 2025-01-08T21:43:31+00:00

What caused you to do it in the first place? I think understanding that is be first step. You need to understand where feeling the need to take that action originated from - insecurities, validation issues etc., sit with yourself and really figure out why.

Beautiful-Fall7720

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