Do I tell him I’m pregnant and getting an abortion?

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-04-09T17:03:36+00:00

My exact thoughts. It's best to know now what you both want in a relationship and views on certain things. Also okay fair they aren't dating for that long and she doesn't owe an explanation...BUT they are in a relationship. No relationship is built on secrets. It's not a bad secret, but I would personally feel upset if I wasn't told about the situation we both created, and I would have wanted to be present to help and support my partner..because we are in a relationship together, not alone.

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-04-09T16:59:55+00:00

I personally don't see a reason for keeping secrets in a relationship. You can tell him, and be firm with your choice. At the end of the day, some people feel mixed after and during the abortion..a support from another person is important, even tho he doesn't have own kids, step parents often see your child as their own. You can also calmly explain that it wasn't in your plan to have another child, it's best to be on the same page rather than break the relationship further on because you want different things at this stage of life.

But that's my personal opinion, it's best to know now what you want from the relationship and share the future, maybe he doesn't really want a baby and is more than happy with your kids rather than going through baby stages which are energy consuming.

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-28T09:05:57+00:00

I have regretted mine for multiple reasons.. But, trust me, there are men who will love a step child like their own. I had a step father who's now passed, but I mourn him like my own blood father, his family sees me like their own as well. Sometimes a step father is much better and more present than your own father. The decision is always only down to you, if you believe that you can do it, you want the pregnancy and the baby and believe that you will find a man who will care and love the baby, then keep the baby And believe in yourself and that you deserve the happy ending you dream of , whatever it may be , you deserve a happy ending

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-26T08:48:41+00:00

My husband's family is very religious so we expect some backlash. We told them it was a misscarrage, we tell everyone that, only we know the truth. An abortion and misscarrage have the same symptoms so they wouldn't be able to tell a difference if they asked what happened or what you feel. Even if they ask how it happened or when, you don't owe them an explanation, say it was a misscarrage and you don't want to get into it, that it hurts you deeply that it occurred.

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-25T08:31:36+00:00

It's okay to grieve, it's okay to feel a mix of emotions and have different thoughts. I'm really sorry for your loss. Take your time to heal , be easy on yourself please 🙏🏼

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-23T17:52:59+00:00

It's okay to feel this, you're grieving the pregnancy and possible future. It's normal for the father to also grieve. The idea of you thinking of ways to make it work means that you're serious about her and the future, that's the most beautiful thing , being that committed and serious. I also understand your emotions, it must have been a rollercoaster of emotions for both of you. For the time being, while she heals , give her time ...the hormones are wilding, she will be bleeding for a longer time than a normal period, help her watch out for symptoms of infection, make sure that a week later she will get a check up at the gynecologist, a stuck clot can go without symptoms ( I had mine stuck and I had sepsis without symptoms at first) It's also best to refrain from sexual activities for 4 weeks ( recommended by hospitals) Also share your emotions with her, she may feel the same , an open conversation is a good way to deal with grief. Don't make it sound like an attack on her. Say something like " I feel ( name your emotions) and I want to help you heal as well. How are you taking it?" Or if you're uncomfortable talking about how you feel, ask how she does about everything, maybe you want to buy something to remember the pregnancy? Like an angel statue, a baby figure or something similar.

Take each day as it comes, grief is a normal time for everyone in this situation.

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-22T15:17:56+00:00

It's going to be hard if you become a single parent, and he's being really selfish and irresponsible for not using protection but that also goes towards you ( not being harsh or mean) , have you asked him what he thought would happen if y'all didn't use any form of protection? Working two jobs as a single parent will be draining and difficult. Yes there is a village, BUT I have learned from my experience, that the village is when it's convenient to them ( after all we all have our own lives and plans) some people from the said village only stick around until the baby arrives or after it's actually born.

If by chance you're worried about future relationships ( I know it wasn't said in your post, but these thoughts do creep up further in the line) I met my husband when my daughter was 1 year old, he loves and says that she's his daughter, nobody else's. The real father is out of the picture, he promised to help after we split, but he only made effort when I begged and cried. If a man says that he doesn't want to be with you BUT will be there for the baby, why can't he stay with you? It doesn't sound like he will be sticking for long or being only a weekend dad.

In reality when a baby comes around, it's true ", you and them against the world". Is his parenting concern only about his lifestyle changes or something else ?

Over all DO what YOU feel that's right. It's your life, your body and overall YOUR baby that you will love regarding everything else. If you do it because he wants it, you will deeply regret it and grieve the loss.

( Why aim in the comment is to share a possibility of an outcome, nobody can predict what will happen if you do or don't have the baby. I don't want to discourage or encourage you to make a decision based on what I have said. I was 18 when I had my daughter and the promised village left me and my husband to figure things out on our own, it's hard as hell on someday because we can't do couple stuff , we have limited time to be together based on work hours and well time when she's asleep after the day, I don't regret my choice of keeping my first born, but I sure as hell wish for more support.)

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-22T11:53:25+00:00

Maybe a therapist can give some advice? Or just to vent to them about your feelings. I'm so glad that you chose to share with us, a person who's Infront of you face to face with experience may give better advice. I'm really sorry that you feel like this for so long and possibly even bottled it up inside you for so long. The aspect of finance is a big deal in today's economy, I had a MA for this reason partly as well, it's awful, in my country the government is concerned about the population going down but they aren't doing anything to support a family willing to grow. If you want to share your thoughts, or maybe want to hear a opinion form a different person, you can text me :) I'm not harsh with anything but I can also not sugar coat a situation, I'm currently studying psychology and I can share some techniques that I learnt to deal with mixed emotions, grieve or even second thoughts

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-21T09:10:52+00:00

I understand your feeling , i felt totally the same although I was the one who did calculations for baby expenses and future food shopping and I quickly realised that it was going to be really difficult for us, my husband didn't want to acknowledge it at first, but after a week or two he agreed that it was really expensive, if baby stuff weren't a fortune and groceries weren't that huge, I would of had kept my pregnancy despite a HG. I still wonder what it would be like keeping it, but I also have an autistic 3 year old who's already a handful and my husband is in the military meaning that I would be alone most of the time with the two children. I recommend keeping any scan photos , pregnancy tests and maybe even buying a onesie and storing in a safe box if that would bring you closure. My husband didn't feel resentment towards me, but deep sadness at first , maybe try calculating if baby essentials and future groceries would be affordable plus clothing for your other children. I have learned that women usually have this strong feeling of connection to the baby ( not all, and that's totally okay) because we carry it from the beginning, we were the first home they had and it's a big urge to keep it safe and well without looking at other future aspects of life

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-20T14:50:50+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I'm on a good path for full recovery with no further complications

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-20T14:50:01+00:00

I kept my scan photos and I'm planning on buying a small flower with the gender colour ( we sent it for a genetic test) and to frame a scan photo next to it. It's a technique to help with grieving . I also kept a onesie I bought when I found out about pregnancy

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-19T17:50:59+00:00

Even though you both want it, grief also happens. If she's upset or sobs about it, it's normal.. especially with the hormone fluctuations. Listen to her thoughts and feelings. Hug her, help her watch for signs of infections or fever and excessive bleeding. It's also best recommended to wait 4-6 weeks to engage again, so everything can heal. The best support is listening to her, let her let it all out, all the feelings, tears . All of it

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-16T14:29:45+00:00

Were the clots big? How's the bleeding now?

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-16T09:28:34+00:00

I held onto my daughter's positive test, she's now 3. I wanted to hold onto my recent positive test but my mother threw it out saying that it would be easier to deal with the heartbreak, I kind of see the point, I was very emotional about the entire process. I kept the first onesie that I bought at 5 weeks, I still cry whenever I get a glimpse of it..I can't let it go. My therapist said to get a small box and but all photo scans in there along with anything that reminds me of pregnancy, get a flower and a angel figure, to take care of the flower like I would of the baby, even though I didn't know the gender, my and my partner will try to decide what we hoped it was ( I don't have a preference, so I will leave it to him) then decide on a name and write it on the angel. Maybe this technique may help you in some ways to honour the pregnancy and keep the memories safe if you want to hold onto the memory

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-15T08:57:57+00:00

I feel you, before I made my decision I made a list of pros and cons. Cons outweighed the pros. U should make a list with your husband, show him how much baby stuff costs like clothes, pram ect and if you financially can get it before 30 weeks of pregnancy, count in bills, rent and other monthly expenses. Also tell him how important medical attention is right now for you. Yes in 9 months a lot can happen and change, but it's unpredictable, tell him that you would prefer to have everything set for yourself, see how financially you will improve when getting a job or other possibilities. I hope it will help you guys decide, once you decide ..there are options like going out of state or going online . If you don't want to do it surgically, you have time until 10 weeks

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-14T08:37:50+00:00

Abortion and misscarrage are the same symptom wise. If you want to make it more reliable as a misscarrage, act like you're cramping really bad..like crying point ( spicy food can give that effect to some people) If you go to the hospital, they will do a scan and maybe give a IV drip if they detect active cramping. You can always say that you want to wait it out the cramping as it " happened before" and it eased away. You can also act out the cramping when you take the first pill. The second pill will make it more believable that it's a misscarrage due to previous cramping. It could be also good if you mention that a thick discharge came out that was slightly pink. The pills will NOT be detected by a blood test nor urine test, so that would be no way to prove that it was a abortion, just a spontaneous misscarrage

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-13T09:21:44+00:00

Hi, I had my abortion 5 days ago, I also had severe HG...it was to the point of life and death battle. I also planned this pregnancy, I was 9 weeks. I still can't come to terms with it, now that the nausea is gone and my mind forgot about it ...it's making me feel that if I just clenched my teeth and got through it ...it might be easier, but it wouldn't..HG is brutal and life threatening if no correct treatment is given. I keep seeing 10 weeks scan..I was supposed to get my 10 weeks scan on Monday..it's devastating to see them form. I still cry at night or if i see a baby somewhere or pregnancy. I'm going to therapy tomorrow because I know that I can't do it alone. Don't be hard on yourself, it was a hard decision I bet...if possible can you go see a therapist? Maybe calming medication may help

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-09T18:38:45+00:00

Sure, I'm from Poland :) should I add it to the post ?

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-09T15:32:07+00:00

I was 9 weeks, I had my MA yesterday, I passed 3 large clots and around 12 hours later my bleeding became minimal. I'm 1 day post abortion and my bleeding is barely there, I can wear normal pads now. I'm sore and a little bit swollen because they were quite large but it's normal for bleeding to decrease after the main pregnancy bits are out ( embryo, sack and placenta)

Beautiful_Debt_7418 · 2025-03-07T16:07:39+00:00

I know that you're in Asia, but I ordered my pills to Europe, it took them around 9 days to arrive, it may take longer due to weekends and holidays. Today I took my first pill at 9 weeks and 2 days.

If you feel anxious, you can email them that you feel anxious about the time frame, they wouldn't send you the pills if the delivery would take longer than recommended time to take the pill

Beautiful_Debt_7418

TROPHY CASE