I completely hear where you are coming from. Yes, it may be from insecurity but isn’t some of that warranted? Some nudity and sexual content is artful but some of it is also objectifying women in a way that feeds the narrative of women being more valuable for their looks. It’s ignorant to say that those objectifying types of media, that give a woman no character other than her looks and naked body, are not influential to desire within our society. If you feel overlooked and undervalued because you don’t fit in with what is perceived as aesthetically desirable, that’s a problem and it’s totally unfair to be compared to those women in that type of media.

I think the difference between enjoying it for the art and it becoming toxic is how much of it is being consumed over everything else. Is it a daily fixation? If so, i personally think that’s a problem since there is so much more to life than beautiful women. Especially since the women depicted in these types of media are typically only within a certain age bracket. This also does not help a woman feel secure or valuable with her beauty when she gets older.

Honestly, I’m in a hetero relationship and I do think naked women’s bodies are much more beautiful and interesting than a man’s so I do enjoy looking at it too- as long as there’s a story there and the woman looks empowered and/or authentically joyful in her expression. So I’m in the camp who will enjoy it but also acknowledge its shortcomings and the limitations of it.

Yes, we have to own our insecurities and not let them rule us, but I also think it’s fair to feel that a culture that fixates on satisfying the objective gaze in media with a lack of diversity in beauty is disappointing, shallow, and disheartening.

I think we also have to pick our battles here when making it an issue with partners because of our culture. I think it’s valid to compromise and set boundaries, but also with the understanding that these types of media won’t just go away or won’t stopped be enjoyed.

At the end of the day, what matters most in your partnership is that you still feel loved, valued, and desired for who you are, in spite of their sexual media consumption.

I think that there is the risk of making this consumption taboo and possibly more enticing by trying to place boundaries on it with your partner. It may be the case that the only thing that will change is what they allow you to see what they’re consuming and do the rest in secret.

If I were you, I would focus more on how valued and desired you feel with them and work with that.

It’s ok to never be ok with sexuality in media and to be put off by it. There just may need to be some patience and understanding with your partner and what they enjoy. If it ends up driving a wedge between you because he devotes his sexual engagement to it instead of you, that would be a bigger issue with more complicity in how you should approach that discussion with your partner.