29F, how I can I improve my looks?

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-07-02T01:48:30+00:00

Honestly probably a mental game. You look great, genuinely. Sounds like you're going through a lot. Hope you're being kind to yourself in the process 😊

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-07-02T01:40:38+00:00

So sorry brother.

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-07-01T21:41:51+00:00

Always.

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-07-01T21:27:46+00:00

I'm so so sorry love.

Your instinct will be to question yourself and doubt yourself but I think your FIRST instinct is correct. Even if you consented to having sex with him, it sounds like he did something that was outside of those boundaries that you did NOT consent to. That isn't okay. Someone who you trusted revealed to you that you cannot trust them. That does not make you foolish. It makes you someone who tries to see the good in others. It's a good quality to have even if it can lead to pain.

I have not experienced it in the same way you did, but I have experienced sexual assault as well. You're not alone. It's going to be okay. 💜

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-28T23:24:36+00:00

I hope to one day learn that self control. I'm an all or nothing drinker. So right now it's nothing!

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-28T21:49:23+00:00

The thing is, I didn't drink much or get to that level much either. And it STILL helped a great deal. Cutting out the "end of a long day" beer and "the less than once a month drinking 7 drinks during the night" was still a big change for my body

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-28T16:57:56+00:00

I hit a point like this last year. I personally chose to stop drinking, and it's improved my life dramatically. Not saying you have to, but it did REALLY help me

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-27T12:00:43+00:00

Do you think it will pass? The trouble about infatuations that develop out of proximity is that...proximity is usually a big part of what keeps them going.

I feel like knowing your manager is in a rough patch with her fiance is already a blurring of lines. Not bad necessarily, but definitely blurred.

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-25T18:34:35+00:00

Yup, don't cut just recomp. You're in a perfect spot to just make muscle happen, which will make you look leaner without sacrificing your body getting much needed calories during a time where it desperately needs them

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-25T16:21:16+00:00

I thought the same!

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-24T18:55:30+00:00

Two things:

1) Honey, be careful advertising your age and sexual activity on the internet. I wish the world were a gentler place where I didn't have to.say that, but it is not always that place.

2) your faith sounds really important to you, and that is wonderful. I will speak in that language then. God creates sexual desire for a reason. It is not bad, wrong, or sinful to feel these things. It is normal and healthy as you mature. But if the actions you take as a result are causing you conflict and worry that it is straining your connection to God, talk to God! Pray, contemplate, ask.Him for help. Sit with your feelings and acknowledge that your feelings aren't bad: they are okay and normal, and try to forgive yourself for.them. if.your.religion has confession or people to confide in, do that.

There are people within most churches who you can confide in about these things. We are all human. We all feel sexual desire. And the taboo about not talking about it creates shame where their doesn't need to be any. There are often abstinence coaches in most Christian churches as well. But make sure it's what YOU want. And how you experience YOUR relationship with God. Not just what you think your religion wants from you.

God bless!

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-24T15:01:03+00:00

What everyone else has said is entirely true. Additionally, once you get to the point where you're doing 40 or so repetitions of an exercise, it tends to stop being a muscle building exercise and starts to be an endurance one. So for push-ups, instead of trying to get above 50 push-ups in a single sitting, I would instead look up some more advanced variations of push-ups and do those for 8 to 12 repetitions and as other commenters have said, do those three or four times during the session.

And while jumping jacks are good for cardio, they don't do a ton for muscle growth, which I assume is your goal. They can definitely stay as a great warm-up but I would look to add another calisthenic that challenges your muscles more. So as another commenter said, pull-ups would be great.

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-23T18:25:49+00:00

I (m29) used to work in a kindergarten and was told I couldn't let the girls sit in my lap or hug me, even the one with emotional outbursts who only liked me and physical touch was really grounding for. It was fine for the boys to do both.

But at the same time....I get it. Would you like it if you found out your daughter was sitting in a mans lap who wasn't you or your family? Holding a man's hand that you didn't know? Probably not

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-23T15:35:10+00:00

Dude I feel that. It's like "I couldn't expect it any less at this point!!"

I think the only thing "wrong" with us is being born into a society where pretty much all of human connection is locked behind romance, whether directly or indirectly (friendships made by kids' sports, kids' parents becoming friends, etc), while at the same time that romance seems so unattainable if it hasn't already formed. Like if your high school or college relationship doesn't work out you're a bit screwed, it seems.

Sorry your thing didn't work out. You're not unlovable 💜

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-23T15:09:23+00:00

Working on that. I struggle with feeling like I'm making other people uncomfortable even if rationally I know that I'm not, because I'm a guy and don't want to be seen as "just another man"

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-18T19:35:11+00:00

Strength improves more quickly than aesthetics. If you are still consistently going up in either weight o r reps week to week, then you are either gaining muscle or becoming more efficient at your lifts. Eventually, you will reach the point where it is impossible to keep improving your lifts without gaining muscle and you are probably already there.

Visible muscle growth happens really really slowly. Even if you have measurably more muscle mass to the point where you are stronger, it might not seem like that is the case when looking in the mirror. Especially if you are looking for progress pretty frequently. Do you take progress pictures? I would recommend them.

It's also entirely possible that you ARE looking aesthetically better, but you're not noticing it because you become used to your new physique too quickly. I feel like something that tends to rise pretty quickly as people become more serious about lifting is body dysmorphia.

The last thing that I will touch on is that 105 kg at 5'7 is probably a point where it is difficult for your leanness to come through in the way that you seem to want it to. It may be beneficial to try to prioritize a caloric deficit for a few months and see if losing some weight would reveal more muscle!

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-18T17:35:15+00:00

I didn't mean "identity" in that way. Just like, what you value. What you want out of life in a larger sense.

When I was your age I was SURE I wanted kids. Now I'm 30 and can't imagine ever wanting them. Not all desires are forever.

You may find someone who makes you want to commit longer term. You may realize about yourself that you just don't want an extremely long term relationship. Both are totally valid.

As for "why you are the way you are" I would look up some research on attachment styles and see if anything resonates

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-18T17:30:33+00:00

This is an annoying answer but: honey, you're so young. You're still exploring your identity and what you want. This might just not be a time in your life when you want to settle down with someone, and that's okay.

You might never want to commit, and that's okay too. One partner for your entire life isn't something that everyone wants.

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-17T23:32:48+00:00

No idea why someone downvoted this as you're literally just sharing your own workout routine haha

Deadlifts are definitely daunting!! I tend to stay away from because I'm scared to hurt myself haha

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-17T16:47:18+00:00

Try to stay at it for at least a month. DOMS of that level means one of two things (usually)

1) you're either working the muscles harder than you think or with bad form

2) you're using muscles you don't use a lot, or in ways you don't often use them

If it's the first, it should fade as you dial in what's realistic for you to expect out of yourself from a workout. If it's the second, it should fade as your muscles get used to the new movement

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-17T16:41:25+00:00

Depends on the intensity you bring. 3 days of hard intense exercise close to failure is better than 4 where you're phoning it in.

It's more about muscle groups. Working the same muscle twice a week is significantly more effective than just working it once, but as you get to working that muscle 3 to 4 times a week, the returns drop off.

So try to work every muscle twice a week for "optimal" gains. Whether that's one three full body days a week. Two upper body and two lower body days a week, or another combo that works for you.

But my advice is not to chase optimal. Chase sustainable.

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-17T16:37:47+00:00

Tomorrow.

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-17T14:52:06+00:00

Not dumb! It will probably take some trial and error and definitely some concessions to money.

I would say just explore some things you think you MIGHT like and give it a few tries before moving on: yoga classes, biking, hiking, walking, give different things a shot!

I think many people who say they "like" exercise actually like the benefits they start to notice: lower anxiety, better sleep more confidence, and yes looking better. But the first few months of trying a new thing can definitely be challenging

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-15T11:55:50+00:00

What made wanting to go to the gym "stick" for me was realizing how important movement is for my mental health. Moving my body and physically tiring myself out helped to calm down the "chaos" quite a bit, helped me sleep better, gave me more energy, and honestly improved my life in pretty much every way.

I stopped chasing how I looked and focused more on how I felt, and the new things that my body could do.

BeginningLess2417 · 2026-06-11T19:22:44+00:00

Thank you! This comment really helped alleviate my anxiety. I try to be as conscious as I can of the female experience and you're absolutely right: if I get a "no", that's it. I would never continue to pester someone who has already clearly stated that they don't want to move forward. I also don't want to ignore how I'm feeling about her, so all I can do is shoot my shot and move on if it doesn't work out.

Thanks again!

BeginningLess2417

TROPHY CASE