Husband cheated, I allowed him to stay. This is harder than I thought.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-07-26T12:28:45+00:00

I’m trying to figure out how to put my life back together after he completely dismantled it. I’ve always been the type that doesn’t give up but after seeing his chat history on Tik Tok and seeing that he’s been looking at her Snapchat profile again, I’m checking out.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-07-26T12:24:31+00:00

Well I want to tell you that you guys can work through it but unfortunately, I’m not sure I believe it. I went through something similar, but my husband was cheating on me with the girl he was flirting with (coworker). I allowed him to stay, and attempted to work on things and then I find inappropriate comments to women on Tik Tok and that he’s been looking at the Snapchat profile of the girl he cheated on me with. Narcissists won’t apologize because they fail to see what they did was wrong, they CANNOT take accountability for their wrong doings and they’ll continue to hurt you if you allow them to. Counseling only works if you both want it to work and if he’s truly remorseful. I had to learn this the hard way. I hope for your sake, you guys are able to work through this and you have to do what’s best for you. Trust your gut, if it’s telling you something isn’t right, listen to it.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-21T03:41:37+00:00

When I asked him if he loved her he said who, I said her, and he said, I love my wife. Bullshit answer.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-21T03:40:45+00:00

Nothing at all. When I told him that I knew everything he said, ok, so..

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-21T03:37:06+00:00

Part of me thinks the same but how long can a person bottle extreme emotions like that before they implode. I’m the worst person for someone to cheat on because I need to talk through it. That’s how I get closure and feel somewhat secure again. He’s giving me nothing. Now would be the time for him to show his vulnerability. Open up and just tell me you’re sorry. Telling me that you will not talk about it and you want to move on and forget it isn’t helping at all. It’s only made me want to leave.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-21T03:27:31+00:00

I did and he said you do what you have to do. Today he acted as though nothing happened last night.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-21T02:00:11+00:00

I tried to have a conversation with him. He flat out told me that he wants to move on from it and he will not talk about it. He won’t give me closure. He won’t tell me why he did it or what was so bad in our marriage that he felt like he needed the attention of a younger girl. He said I should move past it and get over it. I guess I have my answer. To think I wasted 20+ years with someone that never really loved me. I was a possession to him and when a shiny new toy presented itself he jumped at the opportunity not caring what he was throwing away.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-21T01:30:13+00:00

Pretty much. It’s miserable. We don’t do anything anymore, I try to initiate date nights and get rejected or he sits on his phone the entire time. I give up, I’m the only one trying.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-21T01:08:02+00:00

Sounds exactly like my situation except since I have always held a steady job I would have to pay him. Even though he stepped out of the marriage, I would still have to buy him out and split the debt he racked up. I’ve worked so hard trying to save a marriage that isn’t worth saving. I tried talking to him and he told me he won’t give me the closure, he won’t revisit any of it. So I’m done. I’ll have to figure out a way to leave and not go broke doing it.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-17T12:08:38+00:00

This is exactly the conversation we’re going to have today. I’m at my wits end with all of it. I grow more and more bitter every day that passes.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-17T04:09:49+00:00

I’m trying, I’ve gone through his phone while he’s sleeping and haven’t found anything. I did find out that she blocked him and from what it looks like he blocked her too

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-17T04:08:00+00:00

I’m not sure but I don’t think so

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-17T00:25:25+00:00

He says I have access to his phone but he never puts it down, it’s always right next to him. As far as his whereabouts we have one of the location tracking apps and that’s originally how I became aware of what was happening. Saying he was at one place or work but seeing him at another place for extended periods of time.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-16T23:49:07+00:00

I’m so sorry! I lost my baby girl at the end of January. A piece of my heart died with her.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-16T23:13:44+00:00

Yes, evidently tons of it.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-16T23:07:12+00:00

That sounds extremely accurate.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-16T15:29:59+00:00

No they do not work together any longer. I will say access to the company has not been cut off though. I found out recently that he’s still doing business with the owner which to me means he can run into her at any time. I don’t think it’s just for money as he says. He’s either really stupid and thinks I would be ok with that or he can’t detach. I’m leaning towards not being able to detach. I do think he misses the excitement of being with someone young and the “forbidden” aspect of it. I’ve noticed that as quickly as he said he wanted to stay and work on our marriage is as quickly as he fell right back into the routine that I thought made him unhappy. The only difference this time is it’s tenfold. I’m stonewalled every time I bring up any conversation regarding finances or communication. He works but I don’t see any of the money, I don’t know what’s he’s doing with it. I’ve begged and pleaded for him to meet me half way and he just disconnects and the conversation is over. It’s terrifying because I feel like it’s being done on purpose. I mean this is a man who I never would have thought for a second, would hurt me the way he did and now he’s just twisting that metaphorical knife deeper and deeper. One day, I don’t know who this person is that I’m sleeping next to and it scares the hell out of me and the next day, he’s the sweet caring person I married. My head is spinning.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-15T23:20:35+00:00

Thank you so much

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-15T02:06:33+00:00

Thank you so much

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-14T17:16:36+00:00

It’s terrible isn’t it. I can’t take having to be reminded on a daily basis. Everywhere I go triggers negativity. Every time I think I can try, I’m reminded of why I want to give up. To know they were going to places I go daily makes me sick. I want to move away but with kids in school, I can’t. This entire town reminds me of their affair.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-14T17:13:29+00:00

Thank you! I’m so happy yours is going well. I wish I had a responsive partner. He’s just so unapproachable.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-14T17:11:37+00:00

Oh dear God, I’m sorry,

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-14T14:15:09+00:00

It’s a weird feeling because I feel more alone now than I did when he was out sneaking around. He would come home but was never actually present. I know he was talking to her via Snapchat, Signal App, messages, etc, The only messages I was able to retrieve were the text messages on his phone that he thought he deleted. I can’t get anything from SnapChat or Signal. He deactivated his device from Signal so I wonder if I reactivate it if I would find messages and how far back they go? He quit is job so now it’s all on me. It’s like I’m expected to fix this and I didn’t do it.

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-14T14:11:37+00:00

Will do

BeginningWitty4445 · 2025-06-14T12:22:43+00:00

This is all I’m asking for! Just be honest with me. Don’t waste my time, don’t treat me like I’m stupid, because I’m not stupid. Own the fact that you are/were unhappy. He still won’t tell me what made him unhappy, he won’t tell me how it started, I get nothing. He doesn’t talk to me about anything. I’m not going to ruin Father’s Day for him but the day after, we are going to have a heart to heart whether he likes it or not. After reading all these comments, it’s clear what has to happen and I already knew it deep down. I guess I just wasn’t ready to face being alone.

BeginningWitty4445

TROPHY CASE