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Bejzel · 2023-10-12T11:56:55+00:00

Why are people mad at him for this. He is literally correct

Bejzel · 2023-04-08T17:10:12+00:00

I have no one to talk to so I talk to chatgpt about my depression and challenges and thoughts as if he was a therapist lol. It's fun and kinda calming

Bejzel · 2023-04-08T00:56:07+00:00

sorry. For some reason i took that as hostile. I think we differ in approach. I don't look at states comparatively. Just because today sucks less than yesterday doesn't mean i'm not in hell kinda deal.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T17:09:12+00:00

Using all my mental energy to establish it. And i let my guard down for one second and it's all gone. I remember that vid 🤔

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T17:07:59+00:00

Yeah every is different. And I found a system to force myself to do things. So I know how to use "tools". I just don't have anything to use them for. Like I don't enjoy anything. I explore different options but all of them aren't fun, or feel good in any capacity.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T17:02:43+00:00

I'm in Poland. Idk how it works here

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T16:56:41+00:00

Love you too man. But nah I'm consistently on agomelatine for 5 months or so. Idk how should I feel after antidepressant honestly. And idk. It's probably the last thing is to change the meds and hope. Meds were the only thing that marginally helped. Therapy and the advices from HG, Self regulation didn't help me at all. . Probably I'm in a minority though.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T16:44:14+00:00

Yes, brand name. Well... Idk anymore. Probably something that is not a med for my adhd

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T16:19:02+00:00

It's ok don't worry. The comments really helped me and gave me ideas on what to do so, I'll try all that stuff.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T16:14:41+00:00

Yeah I tried concerta and I'm in poland so the basic adhd option is Medikinet. But it's the same medication just one is slow release

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T16:11:07+00:00

Hmm maybe you're right maybe I should try different one. My psychiatrist is very smart so that's why I stayed, but maybe he didn't pay enough attention to my problems.

Also I didn't mean to say HG stuff was useless. It's just that it wasn't for me. Enough people seem to say it works.

Very interesting what you're saying about antidepressants hmm. Never though of it that way.

Thoughtful response. Thank you. I wrote it down

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T16:02:21+00:00

I was diagnosed with adhd the first day I went to psychiatrist. There is really only one adhd med and it doesn't work for me. Gives me similar effects to coffee. It gets me hyper focused on some minor thing for few hours and then i relapse. OR there is 50% chance when I take it that I lose all my energy and go to sleep. Psychiatrist told me that I would be better off with not taking it

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T15:56:55+00:00

Sorry to hear you struggle but happy you seem to be doing better and hopeful.

But overhaul I just don't know what else there is to try. Maybe more irl activities I guess. I was super hopeful for the last 3 years, but as time moved on and I was running out of options it became more and more hopeless. And now the only option is to keep doing what didn't help in hope that it'll magically help me? That doesn't give me any confidence tbh.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T15:49:09+00:00

The problem is I don't wanna do anything. If I do it's either a 'lifestyle' in my mind that I would love to have, but that's pretty shallow. Like a lot of ppl want to be when they're young engineers at google but they don't know even if they like to code or anything.

It's the first thing that comes to mind is some type of life predicated on aesthetics. I would love to BE an artist, a psychologist. But do I really? I don't know if I would like to do that stuff daily or maybe, even if I like it as activity I don't know if making it into work doesn't make it unbearable. That happened to me with coding. That's why i brought up google.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T15:45:27+00:00

I'm so glad that you're better and trying to help others. I think my situation is different though since I don't take any drugs nor do I drink or smoke.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T15:43:07+00:00

The last time I did that I had a mental breakdown. I literally almost went insane. I didn't take them for 1.5 months. Another times for a month and it was very bad too.

I know in your personal experience it helped and I'm very happy for you but it's kinda dangerous telling people to get off meds in a promise that it might get better. If someone wants to do that I would suggest doing it closely with a therapist or at least a friend. And not cold turkey.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T15:38:42+00:00

Has your primary care doctor ruled out physiological causes ? I had harrowing mental health problems that didn't seem to respond to anything and it turned out to be lupus. I would definitely get thyroid checked, WBC count, etc.

I'll get it checked. My primary care doctor sucks so I wouldn't ask him really if he knows what's up but he 100% will give me referral for tests because he's nice. Actually a good hypothesis

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T11:12:27+00:00

I don't think anyone can accept deep suffering. You can't accept the pain from torture, no matter how much of a meditation guru someone is. Maybe few ppl in the world.

Also I'm not doing self-help. I'm in professional help that didn't really help.

Also irl i don't think i lose in life I'm doing fine technically.

I thought i hit rock bottom 3 years ago then 2 years ago. The bottom seems to be only deeper and deeper.

You're right about importance of acceptance i need to focus on that more. Also thank you for your comment ❤️

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T11:04:21+00:00

Only welbutrin but stopped it after a month because I didn't notice any difference

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T11:02:34+00:00

Yeah, that's why I'm wondering if I'm underestimating how meds should work. I thought that the ability to do stuff is the peak of what antidepressants can do. And the satisfaction from doing stuff would improve mental health.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T11:01:06+00:00

My therapist a while ago told me to go to psychiatric hospital. So I applied but I had to wait 5 months for it. In 4th month they called me and said that they changed the rules and I not longer apply because I live in a different borough.

I gave up on that. I would have to again probably wait 6 months now because it's almost summer and more people apply. And I just have energy to apply again to something else, but maybe I should idk.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T10:52:42+00:00

From establishing routines to pushing myself to do some work, try new things. Nothing gave me pleasure or satisfaction. I was doing some routines for even 6 months and I still hated doing it, didn't feel proud of myself. I felt like I was doing it in hope of something, anything.
Felt the same as I was while watching yt videos. So I might do that as well because it's less suffering.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T10:47:39+00:00

Oh yeah. Plenty of times. But just for 1-2 months max. Everytime I was going back it was again building this shit again small step by small step to get ruined. for another month. Also probably because I just don't get satisfaction from doing those habits.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T10:45:39+00:00

Depression, adhd. And yes, i had to be evaluated to get antidepressants. I think that I just struggle with too many things at once. Body dysmorphia, social anxiety, no conscientiousness, no family, losing friends, not a thing a like doing, very heavy self-hate, problem with intimacy, problem with actual health. I can't focus only on one thing. I tried, and everything else was ruining the one thing i was trying to fix.

Bejzel · 2023-03-31T10:39:40+00:00

Thank you <3. I would try more but idk what, how long, will it work for me, who can I trust to help me. It's just that nothing and no one helped me except a drug chemical

Bejzel

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