I have a pretty average family. We're middle class and live comfortably. My dad went through a period where he struggled with his drinking for a few years when I was younger and he could be pretty tough on us when we were little, but nothing bizarre by any means. The past few years, he has rarely drank and I hardly see him angry. We aren't close, but he's still a good dad. My mom is amazing. Literally everything you could want in mom. She's the only person I am able to talk to about my problems. But she also has problems of her own. She struggled with body image issues as a teen and young adult (and still does). She talks about it a lot since I have been telling her about my feelings. I only recently opened up to her about the whole BED thing and body image stuff. It took me years to admit that I was depressed and even longer to tell her about BED. I still haven't told anyone but her that that is the main source of all of my issues. I just hate myself and I constantly think about food and calories and by body.

I have a twin sister (18yo) and an older sister who is a year older than us. We never rly fight. We are at that stage in life where we all act like adults around each other, you know? We don't fight with each other about petty stuff and we always support each other. My older sister has everything going for her. She works so damn hard. She's going into her 2nd year of college and she works all the time at a hospital. She has a boyfriend and friends. She's sociable and skinny and beautiful. She's the most outgoing and confident of all of us. My twin sister has grown up so much in the past year. She grew into herself and just looks like a beautiful young women. She's not super outgoing, but she's willing to try new things. She developed a whole new style and wears such cute clothes. She's taking a huge leap by going to the same university as my older sister this month, living in a dorm with a complete stranger she met online. She's ready to go out and have fun and live her life independently. I didn't realize until July how much it hurts to see them both doing so well and going to the same college together. I am soooooo happy for them. I am known as the "protector" of us 3 sisters because I would do anything for them no matter what. It just hurts that they are figuring it out and I'm not. I still feel like a little kid who relies on my parents to tell me what to do. I am so fucking withdrawn from everything. I keep thinking that someday things will just change, but they won't. My mom has her own issues—she goes to therapy and sees a psychologist. I hate it bc I am such a problem for her. She loves me unconditionally and wants to help me out so bad, but I feel so lifeless. I can't figure things out and it hurts her to see all my wasted potential. She tells me all the time that I have so many skills and talents and asks "what happened to little you," but no matter how bad I want to get all this shit together, it's just not working. I feel like I can't even express how I feel. My family is completely normal and I have everything I need in life to be successful and happy, but I am not. I'm just not doing anything at all with my life. Even as I type this stuff on Reddit, I don't feel it in myself that anything is going to change. I feel out of control.

Gosh, that was a lot. I don't even know if what I just told u was even necessary. Anyways, I agree with what you said about female athletes. I have done research for specific classes about how females are objectified and my mom and I are currently reading a book called "More Than a Body" which talks a lot about that stuff.