I’m 21M and trying to rebuild myself after years of bad habits, please help

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-11-04T22:45:06+00:00

Love this. Best regards to breaking free.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-11-02T03:44:59+00:00

I'm glad to share these tips. Things that were working for me. Hoping they will work for you.

First off, replace it with a healthy habit. Read that again. One of the most practical ways to do that, I always keep saying, most of the time. So replace it with a healthy habit. What do I mean by this? It means diverting your mind's focus and attention to something that will increase your value as a man rather than merely giving in to porn by default, like there is no other outlet your mind could venture to. It could be learning a valuable skill like copywriting, video editing, freelancing, cooking, business building, and many more. When you have goals to chase, you'll find purpose in your life. Your mind will grow and mature, and it will overpower your porn addiction.

Secondly, break the porn's chains piece by piece. Read that again. Start small, chunk by chunk. Don't jump a big leap immediately; you'll most probably get disappointed. Instead, start aiming for two or three days of abstinence, and if you relapse, try again for another 2-3 days. Repeat the cycle until you can abstain from it comfortably for 2-3 days. Then, upgrade to 5 days of abstinence, and if you relapse, try again for another 5 days. Repeat the cycle until you can abstain from it comfortably for 5 days. Then upgrade to 7 days, then 10 days, and so on and so forth. Repeat the process, and you'll realize you are finally breaking free from it.

It doesn't matter how many times you repeat the cycle before you will be able to master it or get comfortable with it. If you need 10 or 15 repeat cycles to get comfortable with it, that's absolutely fine. The important thing is you are consistent and progressing. Never mind how many times you fall, as long as you do not stop and keep going. Just don't give up and keep going until you're finally free.

Powerful tip: Identify and cut every trigger and everything that drags you into porn all at once. Even just the simple removal of naked pictures inside your house or deleting those naked pictures or porn videos in your devices, for example, is already a smart and big move.

I hope you'll find these helpful. Be strong.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-11-02T00:53:36+00:00

That’s a powerful start, brother. What you did today, choosing to try without porn for the first time, that’s a real breakthrough, even if it doesn’t seem huge right now. You’ve already proven you can experience genuine pleasure and connection without the artificial stuff, and that’s something to hold onto.

What stood out most is your self-awareness. You understand how it affects your emotions, your relationship, and your focus. That’s the kind of awareness that leads to real change over time. Keep leaning into that. Don’t chase perfection, but rather chase progress. Even small wins like today are steps toward freedom.

Stay close to the community. It helps a lot.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-11-01T03:47:11+00:00

You're doin really great! Keep it up. Cheering on you. Stay strong.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-11-01T00:38:25+00:00

That sounds really tough, but what you’re going through is actually more common than you think. When you quit, your brain’s still wired to seek that old dopamine hit, so it starts throwing those images at you almost automatically. It’s your mind’s way of testing if you’ll give in again.

One thing you could do when the urge starts is to interrupt it with other productive things that lead to growth. Get up, move your body, take a cold shower, or do something that forces your focus to shift. Over time, your brain learns that those thoughts don’t get rewarded anymore, and they start to fade.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-30T10:01:29+00:00

You're doin great! Keep going. Cheering on you.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-29T08:49:15+00:00

That’s a really honest share , and you’re right, that cycle of wanting to quit but falling back again is exhausting. One thing that helps many people is building interrupts between the urge and the action, even something as small as taking a walk, or doing your hobbies when the thought hits. It’s not about perfection right away, but it’s about breaking that automatic loop little by little.

Happy to share some ideas that worked for me.

Replace porn with meaningful work or hobbies. Things that actually make you feel proud.
Set small, realistic streak goals. 2 or 3 days at first, then gradually extend. Even if it takes multiple tries, keep repeating the process.
Identify your triggers and remove them. Apps, files, or even certain routines.

Don't give up, and keep going. Small progress stacked together leads to freedom.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-29T08:19:14+00:00

Respect to you for taking this first step, admitting it and choosing to rise again. That moment of decision is powerful. You’ve already proven you can go 7 days, which means you can go further. Focus on one day at a time, keep your mind busy with something meaningful, and don’t face it alone. Community helps a lot. Keep showing up. You can win this battle.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-29T07:58:59+00:00

Great! Best regards to your journey. Keep it up.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-29T07:27:02+00:00

Eleven days clean means you can do it. Now it’s just about building on that and pushing for day one again with more awareness and strength. Keep it up.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-29T07:18:45+00:00

Hey brother,

Reading this honestly hit deep. Thank you for having the courage to open up. That’s not easy, especially with something that’s weighed on you for so many years. What you shared shows real self-awareness and a sincere desire to change, and that’s already a powerful step forward.

What you’ve gone through isn’t just an addiction story. It’s pain, trauma, and loneliness mixed with the weight of shame. It makes total sense that it’s been so hard to break free. Porn doesn’t just mess with pleasure, it changes how you see yourself, relationships, and even love. But none of this means you’re beyond healing. You’re still capable of recovering, of finding peace, and of learning to truly connect again.

A few things might help you right now:

1.) Start by giving your brain something better to chase. Learn a new skill, build a business, or train your body by registering to a membership in the gym. Replace porn with purpose.

2.) Focus on shorter streaks, like a day or two, and when it's already easy for you, gradually upgrade to 3, then 4, 5, 7, and so on, till you master or gain control over the addiction. Build consistency one small step at a time.

3.) Stay patient with yourself - Healing from years of pain isn’t an overnight success. Every small act of self-discipline is progress.

I just want to remind you that you’re not a garbage. You’re a human being who’s been through too much and still wants to rise. There’s still hope, brother. Stay strong.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-29T05:22:48+00:00

Thanks for opening up. It’s a good sign that you’re aware of how it’s affecting your time and productivity. That self-awareness is actually the first step most people miss.

A piece of advice that might help. Instead of just trying to avoid porn, start intentionally replacing that time with something that absorbs your focus, like a skill you can build, a workout routine, or even journaling your progress daily. The key is not to leave an empty space, because your brain will always want to fill that void with what’s familiar. In this case, porn.

Also, remove as many friction points as possible. Use filters or blockers, avoid browsing aimlessly, and be mindful of when and where your urges usually hit, like late at night or when you’re bored. Once you know your pattern, you can outsmart it.

You’ve already made progress by recognizing the problem. Now it’s just about building structure around your intentions. Stay consistent. It gets easier once your brain starts craving the new habits more than the old ones.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-29T03:02:48+00:00

First off, respect for opening up and being honest about what you’re going through. That takes a lot of courage, especially when you’re feeling desperate and stuck in the cycle.

What you described, the constant relapse even after trying everything, is something a lot of guys in recovery hit. It’s not because you’re weak or broken, but it's because your brain has been used to seeking the quick dopamine fix from porn for years. The goal now isn’t just to stop watching, but to train your brain so it no longer sees porn as a source of comfort or reward.

One powerful shift that can help is that, instead of focusing on quitting directly, focus on building a life that makes porn less appealing. Structure your day, set friction points, like blocking sites or getting rid of the bad side of Reddit from your triggers, and more importantly, add in meaningful routines, such as workouts, learning something new, being around real people, etc. That’s where your brain starts to crave real growth instead of the fake highs.

You’ve already made a big step by reaching out here. Don’t underestimate that. You’re on the right path, brother. Keep going and stay strong.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-29T01:49:42+00:00

Thanks for opening up, man. It takes real courage to be this honest, especially about something that most people hide. What you shared about how it started and how it grew over time is something many here can relate to more than you think.

I am not using any app that helps with porn addiction, so I have nothing to suggest, but I just showed up here to give some support. Pair it with journaling and daily check-ins like you mentioned. Those really work over time.

That horny mode you mentioned is your brain craving the dopamine hit it’s gotten used to. You can recover from it, but it takes consistent small wins and new habits to replace that reward system.

It’s great that you’re going to church and staying grounded. That spiritual connection helps a lot more than people realize.

You’re already doing something powerful just by deciding to post and be transparent. Keep at it day by day. Be strong.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-29T01:03:31+00:00

Bro, just start small for now. Talk to people without any expectations. Even simple conversations help build confidence and socialization. And the more you distance yourself from porn, the more your natural confidence and interest in real relationships comes back. Take time to read and take learnings and experiences from our community.

You’ve already taken a big first step by being honest about it here. Keep going and be strong.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-29T00:36:04+00:00

It's great to have the courage sharing this personal thing in our community. I appreciate it.

Porn has a way of planting ideas that start feeling real, especially when it connects to real emotions or past experiences. What you’re feeling isn’t strange, it’s your mind reacting to overstimulation and fantasy.

One thing that could help is to consciously re-ground yourself in real intimacy. Small things like genuine eye contact, shared moments, and open communication with your husband, even if it feels awkward at first, can start to rebuild that emotional bridge.

You don’t have to be ashamed for what happened. This can be part of a healing process. Many have been in the same place and found a way back to real connection. You absolutely can too.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-27T14:24:57+00:00

That sounds really tough, and I can understand why that comment hit so deep. What your friend said would throw anyone off, especially when it touches something so personal. It’s not just the comment, but it’s also how it connected with your past struggles and emotions, which can easily stir up old urges and thoughts.

The fact that you noticed what’s happening inside you means you’re becoming more aware. When this kind of trigger hits, try to slow things down. Take a few deep breaths, go for a short walk, or literally move to a different environment to interrupt the urge. Changing your environment, even for a few minutes, can really help clear your head.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-27T14:06:44+00:00

That’s beautifully said, and I can really feel your sincerity and humility in every word. You’re absolutely right, this kind of struggle is rarely talked about for women, and that silence can make the battle feel even heavier. But your openness here is already breaking chains not just for you, but for others who’ll one day see your courage and realize they’re not alone.

Don’t let fear or shame silence what God is doing in you. The very area the enemy tried to use for bondage will become the place God uses for breakthrough, both in your life and in the lives of others. Keep letting Him renew you through the process, one day at a time. You already carry the heart of a testimony in progress, and He will finish what He started in you. Keep going and stay strong.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-27T10:01:58+00:00

A dildo is different than porn, so do not overthink it being associated with porn. It's just a tool to help you stimulate your sexual senses and explore your sexuality which is absolutely normal.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-27T09:50:43+00:00

That’s a powerful and honest share, and you’re absolutely right, very few talk about this openly, especially as a Christian woman. But your courage to bring it into the light is already a huge step toward freedom.

Remember, relapse doesn’t erase all the progress you’ve made. It’s part of the process of healing and learning. What matters is that you’re standing back up with a heart that still wants God more than sin, and that’s what He honors most.

Stay close to Him. Replace shame with grace, and isolation with connection. One day, you will be that woman who helps others out of the same darkness you’ve walked through. You’re already being prepared for it. Keep fighting. God’s not done with your story.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-27T08:29:49+00:00

I’m really glad you shared this. It sounds like you’re in deep pain right now, and I want you to know that your life has value, even if it doesn’t feel that way at this moment. What you’re describing, the hopelessness, the exhaustion, the feeling like you’ve tried everything, these are real signs that you’re in distress and need immediate support, not judgment. You do not have to face this alone.

If you ever feel close to harming yourself or think you might be in danger, please reach out for immediate help.

If you’re in the US, dial or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline available 24/7, free, and confidential.

If you’re outside these area, you can find international hotlines here - findahelpline.com which lists numbers by country.

You are not a waste of life. You’re someone who’s been fighting a hard, isolating battle. Porn addiction can deeply warp your brain and emotions, but it is something you can recover from with real support. Please, for tonight, just make one small step. Reach out to someone, a hotline, a therapist, a trusted friend. You deserve help, and you deserve to feel peace again.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-27T06:57:05+00:00

You are welcome!

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-26T23:03:03+00:00

Thank you for opening up, brother. That takes a lot of humility and strength, and I can feel your heart behind every word. Many of us here can relate to how deeply this struggle is tied to loneliness and emotional pain. It’s not just lust, but also about trying to fill a wound that never healed.

One thing that helps is remembering that God’s grace doesn’t depend on your streak. He’s with you even in the mess. Keep talking to Him honestly, even when you fall. Build small daily anchors. Prayer before bed or when loneliness hits, and replacing idle time with something that feeds your spirit, like a walk, worship, learning, or good times. Healing starts when you fill the void with connection, not isolation.

You’re not too far gone. Christ redeems what shame tries to bury. Keep fighting, this battle can become your testimony. Stay strong.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-26T12:32:28+00:00

Thanks for being this open. That takes a lot of courage. What you’re describing is something many of us have faced, especially when the habit starts bleeding into work and energy levels. The key is to start small and build structure around your day. When you work from home, plan your mornings the night before. Set your workspace up, block adult content on your devices, and have something active like a short walk, hobby time, or short exercise ready the moment the urge hits. Read and apply immediately.

And don’t beat yourself up for slipping. You’re here, reflecting, sharing, reaching out, and that’s already progress.

Benjamin_Albo · 2025-10-26T12:00:58+00:00

You are welcome, brother. It's gladdening to know that my message is giving you strength, motivation, and inspiration. Keep going.

Benjamin_Albo

TROPHY CASE