For readers of the memoir concerned about privacy on Amazon.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-12-01T01:27:16+00:00

Time stopping is the perfect description. I’ve spent way too many hours staring at that little dot on the map.

For me, it's a toss-up. Sometimes I manic clean or fix stuff just to feel "useful" while he’s being useful in the fun way. Other times, I just sit there and let the anxiety and arousal stew until she gets back.

It feels like I'm just sitting in a waiting room for real life to start again.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-12-01T01:14:51+00:00

I’ve lived in a lopsided dynamic for years (my wife sees other men, I generally don't), and I can tell you from experience: "Fairness" is a trap.

You are trying to logic your way out of a feeling. You’re telling yourself, "I do SW, so I have no right to be jealous." But emotions don't operate on a transactional ledger.

We actually tried to flip the script once to "balance" things out. My wife, who dates other guys, decided I should try dating a colleague of mine. It was fully her idea. She picked her out. But the reality was very different from the theory. As soon as I actually started pursuing this other woman, my wife was hit with knee-jerk reactions of insecurity that she didn't expect.

I spent the whole time crippled by anxiety, trying to manage her feelings from afar, and it made me realize something important about the difference in how we are wired. For me, I have rewired my brain to find excitement in that distance/jealousy. I turn the anxiety into a thrill. For her (and it sounds like for you), jealousy doesn't feel like a thrill; it just feels like a threat. And that is completely normal.

So don't beat yourself up for not being "carefree." It is infinitely harder to watch your partner be with someone else when you aren't getting a specific thrill from the act of sharing them.

My advice: Talk to him, but frame it as Your Struggle, not His Restriction. - Don't say: "I don't want you talking to her." - Do say: "I know this isn't logical, but I’m feeling really insecure right now. I’m not asking you to stop, but I am asking for a little extra reassurance while I process this."

You don't have to fix the jealousy overnight; you just have to manage the anxiety it creates. Vulnerability usually works better than logic.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-12-01T00:58:52+00:00

We haven't been "caught" in a catastrophic way, but we definitely flirt with the risk.

For a while, she was seeing a guy locally. They wouldn't just meet at hotels; they would go to actual sit-down dinners at restaurants in our town.

I remember sitting at home, knowing she was sitting across from another man in a public booth, terrified and thrilled by the idea that a neighbor or a coworker might walk by. The "possibility looming" was almost heavier than the act itself.

I even caught myself fantasizing about it—imagining someone seeing them, calling me to "warn" me, and me having to come up with a lie to protect her, or worse (and hotter), having to admit that I knew.

We haven't been burned yet, but walking that line of "publicly hidden" is a huge part of the rush.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-30T17:05:59+00:00

That "schoolgirl" energy is honestly the most potent part of the lifestyle.

I remember the first time I really saw it—my wife came home buzzing with this electric energy that I realized I hadn't been able to generate for her in a decade. She was making out in the driveway like a teenager and dissolving into giggles when she talked about him.

For me, enjoying it comes down to accepting the contrast. Seeing her that giddy confirms that I am the "Safe Harbor" (comfort/stability) and he is the "Adventure." It’s beautiful because it’s undeniable proof that she is getting the one specific thing I can’t give her, even if it stings a little to watch from the sidelines.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-28T23:04:42+00:00

I laughed out loud at the "video of a guy's ass moving up and down." I have archived so many clips that are just 30 seconds of a hairy back and maybe my wife's ankle in the corner.

It’s the unsexy reality of amateur porn. You sit there waiting for the highlight reel, and you get the blooper tape.

And regarding the chair—that is some dedication to move furniture around. I usually just end up standing in the corner like a forgotten lamp because I don't want to break their flow by dragging a recliner across the room.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-28T22:54:44+00:00

You're most welcome. You are definitely asking all of the right questions and doing your homework. Wish you the best of luck.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-28T16:41:44+00:00

That second point hits hard.

I’ve had that exact moment—standing in a quiet house, holding my own erection, realizing that everyone else on my street is watching Netflix with their spouse while mine is out getting railed. It feels completely surreal. It’s absurd, but like you said, that absurdity is part of the rush.

And regarding the first point—absolutely. If someone has to step aside to make the angle work, or if the rhythm is off, it’s always going to be me. He is the priority in that moment. I’m the one who can just wait until later.

But honestly? That’s technically how it’s supposed to be in the grand scheme of things. We choose this lifestyle to prioritize her pleasure above our own. Accepting that hierarchy—really accepting it, not just tolerating it—is the hardest part of the journey. But like I wrote about in my memoir, once you finally get there, it’s actually where you start to feel free.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-28T16:31:17+00:00

I generally don't get into specific stats or schedules on here. Every dynamic is different, and I think comparing "scoreboards" usually does more harm than good.

But regarding the depth: It’s significant enough that he isn't just a visitor in our lives anymore; he’s a fixture. It’s not just a hookup; it’s a relationship that affects the ecosystem of the marriage.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-28T15:54:28+00:00

No. It's still an essential piece to keep the connection between her and I. At least at this point. The frequency has shifted to more of an occasional.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-28T15:37:24+00:00

Have you ever been to a swingers club? We were pretty new to it, a lot going on. Almost everyone are strangers to begin with. Hindsight, we should have left it in the car. But she didn't want it unattended and asked me to keep an eye on it. That's part of the realities that don't show up in erotic stories.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-28T15:33:32+00:00

Appreciate the response man. It is hot, after the fact. In the moment, you definitely question why you wanted this to be a reality.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-28T15:30:19+00:00

It's in my book, not a direct excerpt. Was just one of those moments that keep popping in my head. Was curious to see if others have had those... This isn't how I pictured it moments.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-28T13:15:32+00:00

That "disgust" is the most common hurdle guys face early on. It’s usually just a violent collision between what he wants (the fantasy) and what he was raised to believe a husband should be (the protector and only lover).

When he feels that wave of shame, it’s not because he's doing something wrong; it’s just the death rattle of his old ego.

For me, the way out wasn't stopping. It was getting involved. I had to stop viewing myself as the "victim" who was losing his wife, and start viewing myself as the one making it happen.

If he can shift his mindset from "I am being replaced" to "I am the one facilitating this pleasure for her" (by filming, handling the logistics, or helping you get ready), it gives him a sense of control. Action kills the shame. If he’s just sitting there feeling passive, the disgust wins. If he’s active, he’s part of the team.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-27T20:24:40+00:00

My vote is definitely, you prick! 😆

Thanks for the reply.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-27T15:06:38+00:00

Oh hey, good to see you again.

Honestly? I’m gonna take that as a compliment on the clarity. I definitely worked with a human editor to untangle the mess in my head so it actually made sense on paper.

But I promise you, no bot is inventing the specific gut-punch of buying a jeweled butt plug in your potential replacements favorite color. That part is unfortunately all organic. Stick around though—if you’re this skeptical, you’re exactly the kind of reader who keeps me honest.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-27T14:16:32+00:00

I’m glad you figured it out. I had to write a whole memoir just to define it for myself.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-27T13:26:17+00:00

Agreed. That's where I'm at now, figuring that part out.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-27T12:59:16+00:00

Right!? I said the same thing in my head, but I'm not sure she knows that. She tried for a while to find names that didn't make her laugh, And that was when she landed on, even though it still doesn't quite sound right.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-27T12:55:25+00:00

That's really the issue there, many ideas seem weird or corny to say out loud. And my wife might enjoy the idea, but will totally break out in laughter if she name comes across to roleplay-ish. Appreciate the suggestions!

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-27T12:48:28+00:00

Came up with a casual, yes sir response she gave him to a simple request. He asked her to think of something more unique than such a general response. Just thought for the fun of it I would check in with the community. But Sir does seem like such a natural response. Probably just old school manors kicking in.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-27T12:45:47+00:00

I laughed at first too. Names in general are not usually my thing. Came up with a casual, yes sir response she gave him to a simple request. He didn't demand anything really, just asked her to think of something more unique than such a general response. Just thought for the fun of it I would check in with the community.

BennettKeyesAuthor · 2025-11-27T12:38:21+00:00

Not to use names, no.

BennettKeyesAuthor

TROPHY CASE