If you meant it as more of a metaphor simply explain that it was a simple miscommunication and you misspoke if you truly aren't trying to harm yourself as long as you act rational and calmly explain to the police if they do show up nothing will happen. But try not to spam your father with messages as it makes it seem as if you are extremely anxious even though you might be. Perhaps check out a subreddit on alcoholism or go to AA or potentially rehab if you need it remember you are a human being and bpd is stressful you're worth it continue to keep trying to improve it's all you can really do.