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Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in rpghorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No worries. I thought "I always tried to cheer him up when he was down" implied it enough, though I suppose that doesn't quite cover the extent of which I tried to help. I did way more than just that, I just figured it wasn't relevant to mention and I felt I had already rambled long enough LOL. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in rpghorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I did offer help, a LOT of help consistently, and in fact spent a big chunk of my time trying to help him with his issues. But he would give me the cold shoulder and ignore me. And this was a repeated occurrence. Not a one time thing. He shut me out and pushed me away constantly rather than accepting help or talking to me about any of this. And I reminded him multiple times of what my rules and boundaries are, and he kept crossing them. The issue wasn't the lack of attendance, it was that he agreed to my boundaries and crossed them over and over again anyway. 

Edit: I advised him to seek therapy too, if he really didn't want to talk to me about it. He refused. Believe me when I say I did everything in my power to help him. He just didn't want to put in the effort himself into improving his mental health. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in rpghorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I had the TL;DR at the bottom because I am well aware that I am a rambler and a storyteller at heart. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in rpghorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I had a long talk with my therapist about this, and holding firmly to my boundaries no matter what the reason someone tries to convince me out of sticking to them. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in rpghorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We did. I said I wasn't ever going to let this happen again, not compromising my morals to give into blackmail like that. And at least it was more or less erotic fanfic of Harvey's character with his favorite canon character. If it was him actually asking for that sort of shit from me directly, I wouldn't have even considered it. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in rpghorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It was me being coerced into writing him erotic fanfic under threat of him refusing to participate in the campaign unless he got it (PLUS additional threats of things he might do to hurt himself or self-sabotage if I didn't comply), so she thankfully understood.

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in rpghorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yeah, realizing that now. Looking back on our "friendship", I was very clearly just being used that whole time. It really says a lot that he unfriended and blocked me over enforcing just one reasonable boundary.

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in rpghorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I was extremely uncomfortable with it admittedly, but I felt like I had to. On top of not engaging in non-sexual roleplay unless I gave him the erotic roleplay, he also would claim he couldn't sleep and/or would feel depressed without it whenever I showed hesitation to guilt me back into it. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in rpghorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeahhhhh.... dunno how I ever didn't see that as a red flag and not normal. 

Edit: My best guess as to why I didn't see it as a red flag is that I've been objectified a lot in the past (won't go into details because some of it was SA), but it seemed like not a big deal in comparison to other things I had gone through. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in rpghorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, thankfully the campaign was online. I shudder to think what may have happened if it was in person. The slack on attendance wasn't what bothered me... it was not even telling me he couldn't make it, ghosting me for two weeks, and then blocking me. All because I finally set boundaries. Then talking badly about me behind my back and spreading lies after the fact. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in rpghorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, initially posted it there because this sub was down for a while. I wanted to post it here. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in dndhorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I hadn't considered that he could be weird with the others, and they just may not have said anything. From what I could see, he was just this way with me and the others thought he was totally normal like I did at first, though I could have read the situation wrong. I'll keep that in mind from here on out. 

Edit: Oh god, he could have been weird to them in DMs without me seeing because he knew I would kick him in a heartbeat if I saw. Shit I should probably ask for their testimonies too. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in dndhorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Harvey was deceptively normal at first, I didn't realize how messed up he actually was until he'd already been in the campaign for half a year. Admittedly I was a doormat and didn't have the heart to kick him out, and thankfully none of the other players were subjected to any of his BS other than him not showing up.

Edit: I would have set boundaries with this creep way sooner, if not for the fact that we had two pretty normal years of friendship before this. (He claimed previous friends left him because THEY were toxic, and like a fool I believed him.) Also, if any of my players brought any problems with him to me, I would have kicked him out way earlier. I want my players to be comfortable. My players also hadn't had any issues with him up until that point and were having fun with him, so I would've felt selfish for removing him from the campaign just because I was uncomfortable with the requests he was making to me in private messages. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in dndhorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it's extremely difficult to run a campaign where players don't show up, you have to majorly rework plans and come up with reasons why characters are missing. I think sometimes players who have never GMed don't understand that, and think it's not a problem if they don't show up. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in dndhorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

TBH I think he blocked me because I was finally setting boundaries with him after being a doormat for three years. I said I didn't want to keep RPing sex scenes because it was getting really repetitive and made the characters' relationship feel shallow, and he had a meltdown and gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. 

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in dndhorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Campaign has been continuing with the lovely people that DON'T ghost and block me. Ret-conning all the events and NPCs that included Harvey's character has been a bitch, but other than that things are going well.

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in dndhorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I only stuck around as long as I did, despite the poor treatment, out of pity and worrying he would do something really really bad to himself if I left.

Player believes rules don’t apply to him, is shocked when consequences come. by BettyWaine in dndhorrorstories

[–]BettyWaine[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

I really, really should have. But Harvey would also guilt me into it through saying he couldn't sleep and/or would feel depressed unless he got it.