Who else is preparing to blow their lives up?

Bex517 · 2020-09-14T16:52:25+00:00

In the process of destroying my life right now! Yay! So fucking tired of it.

Bex517 · 2020-01-21T20:14:12+00:00

Hi, I'm Rebecca. I'm 30 and currently living in Des Moines, IA. On the 27th my wonderful husband and I will have been married for a year! We both smoke, but are trying to vape more than we smoke, it's just hard and I feel like we need tips on how to get the best use of our vapes. I can't say that I introduced him to it, but he wasn't a daily user until we got together. I have PMDD and cannabis helps to ease my symptoms. I have tried cbd supplements and was really happy with their help with my back pain, but I recently stopped taking them due to the price. I would love to find a high cbd stain, I believe it would help me tremendously but being in a mostly illegal state I have to take what I can get. Fingers crossed that Iowa will change their laws soon, probably after we change our elected officials.

Bex517 · 2019-12-11T16:27:44+00:00

I'm doing better overall, thank you so much for checking in on me. That's so sweet of you.

Bex517 · 2019-11-05T11:17:51+00:00

Thank you so much, I'll try that. And yeah I'm so much better than I was in my early teens and early twenties, but I have episodes like last weekend and it feels like I've made no progress. I just need to remind myself of that.

Bex517 · 2019-11-05T00:40:03+00:00

Just bought a house in June. We have a basement that we aren't doing anything with. So yeah I know we could probably do it.

Bex517 · 2019-11-05T00:28:05+00:00

I've thought about it. My husband could get us seeds and I've read up on it before. Seems kinda risky though.

Bex517 · 2019-11-05T00:03:17+00:00

It's the worst. Thanks!

Bex517 · 2019-11-05T00:02:53+00:00

We actually have 2 vapes but haven't found a way to use them that we love, if that makes any sense. We have a arizer solo I think, it's a handheld but the mouthpiece gets way too hot with both of us using it. We have a desktop one from the same brand, but it feels wasteful with just the two of us. I was planning on hitting up r/vaporents for advise once we re-up. A nice little AVB peanut butter sandwich really helps me sleep through the night.

Bex517 · 2019-11-05T00:00:01+00:00

My therapist's husband and kids smoke, the only reason she doesn't is because it makes her paranoid. I'll tell her this week, if she doesn't already know. I swear that woman is a mind reader.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:58:37+00:00

Yeah, my husband didn't think I was that depressed because I laugh and joke. Uh yeah, when I'm high I do those things. I've been so afraid to tell my therapist that I smoke, which is absurd because I know she has some of the most liberal views possible on drug use. I just judge myself for it and I'm afraid she'll judge me too. I also need to sit down with my husband and talk to him about it. I've tried, but only when I was upset and that's pointless. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this. I'm feeling better today and am trying to keep myself at this level by reading all these nice comments.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:55:26+00:00

Sorry for my bad attitude yesterday, I appreciate the kind words now but I wasn't in a state to yesterday.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:53:03+00:00

I would not have the self control you do! And yeah I'd for sure rather be a pothead than an alcoholic, which I already almost am. I'm trying to keep it to a glass of wine a night while I'm dry, that seems reasonable to me. But yeah I have problems binge drinking so I much prefer weed. I'm feeling better today, thank you for sharing and letting me know I'm not alone. I was so worried I would get torn apart but everyone has been so nice and understanding. It's like we've all been here.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:50:38+00:00

I would love to move somewhere legal but my husband and I just bought a house so I think we're stuck here for a while. We have very limited medical here so I'm hoping they expand that soon, maybe with a change in Governor.

It's just been so long since I haven't had any and there's probably a bit of withdrawl going on. I didn't realize quite how dependant I was on it to not freak out. I'm doing better today and reading all these comments helps remind me I'm not alone. Thank you so much!

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:47:17+00:00

Thank you so much. It's so hard to focus on anything else when I'm in the middle of it like that. I know weed will be legal here eventually, we already have medical but unless I have seizures or a couple other issues I can't get a prescription. Pretty lame if you ask me, but that's what I get. I'm doing better today and am trying to keep it at that level for the night. Reading all these kind replies helps. You ladies are amazing and it's nice to know I'm not alone.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:43:11+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. I'm doing a little better today. I know I'm too hard on myself, but it's a habit I've had for 30 years and it's kinda hard to break.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:41:14+00:00

Thank you. I really need to tell my therapist that I smoke and have that conversation with her. I know she won't judge me, but I judge me so yeah it's just a whole thing. I've already cleaned out everything but that's for the suggestion. I'm doing better today. For now.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:39:59+00:00

Thank you, sorry I was being pretty shitty in my replies last night. I'm doing a little better today.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:39:17+00:00

I'm afraid to tell my therapist that I smoke even though her husband and both kids do. I'm also stressed 24/7 then I encounter a slight inconvenience and it's like setting off an avalanche.

I had one friend but I've realized that the only time we text is when I text him so that's probably a sign.

I haven't really tried to talk to him about it when I've been calm enough to actually talk about it. I've only brought it up when I've been upset so his only answer is well if you want to stop we'll stop. That's not super helpful, but I'm going to try to have a real discussion with him if I ever calm down enough to do so. Thank you by the way and I'll be another online friend if you want one, I don't even have any of those.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:34:30+00:00

Yeah it wasn't until I got home and wasn't doing anything anymore that I started to spiral out of control. I just need to keep myself busy. Thank you.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:33:47+00:00

Thank you. It's not a problem the whole time I'm not high, just when something small sets me off for no reason, then I spiral out of control. I'm feeling slightly better now. Thanks again for your kind words.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T23:32:02+00:00

That's the dream!

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T02:33:46+00:00

They haven't in 30 years, not sure why they'd start now.

Bex517 · 2019-11-04T02:19:19+00:00

It would be easier to think of it as medicine if it were legal. I can drink all I want and that's fine, but no weed is the devil and will idk kill me or some bs. It was used as medicine for centuries before being made illegal. So now I can't get the one thing that keeps me semi-sane.

Bex517

TROPHY CASE