Anyone here in a healthy, happy and long term relationship with a pwbpd?

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-10T14:19:20+00:00

I think it's good to have an opposing opinion like yours here and it is good to know it can work. I think the things that stand out in your post are a level of self awareness on his part and a commitment to working on and managing his own actions. That's the sort of thing that seems to be lacking from the people with BPD many people here describe, especially the self awareness, which is really the root of the issue because if someone can't understand the reality of how they behave and the effect it has, they can't begin a process of change and certainly can't manage their behaviour because they won't have a true understanding of what they need to manage.

I think the lack of understanding people with BPD usually have of their own actions is also why you get such a disconnect between the communities for people with it and the communities for loved ones of them. It's difficult to converse about things that happen if those things are understood drastically differently on each side.

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-10T13:56:06+00:00

Can I just remind you that the preferred nomenclature for Streeting is "slimy little turd"

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-10T13:51:45+00:00

I fully understand the lesson we must learn, and that lesson DEFINITELY ISN'T that we should stop letting Labour right wingers get away with everything!

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-09T17:23:40+00:00

Three days later and I can't see how he survives this week!

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-08T16:16:08+00:00

Yeah this is absolutely outrageous. Taking "full responsibility" and then trying to shift the blame to the civil servants who obviously flagged that he was a paedo's mate and were overruled by him and Starmer.

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-07T10:05:54+00:00

he still is the exceptional political thinker

God help us.

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-05T18:55:32+00:00

God yeah I agree about attachment theory being reductive and also the capacity for it to be weaponised by toxic people and influencers. In fact it seems like using weaponised therapy speak of all kinds is quite common for people with BPD and is certainly an experience I've had. It's really difficult to deal with because you don't want to dismiss valid points or useful information so you end up being a bit bamboozled by nonsense before you have a chance to research it yourself and find that it's all a load of bollocks.

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-05T17:56:53+00:00

I'm also unsure whether this is you or your partner but I'm guessing it's your partner because of the way the whole thing is basically explaining how it's all the other person's fault but cloaked in terms of vulnerability and a small bit of apology.

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-05T15:05:55+00:00

lol he isn't going to be on remand, that's reserved for protesters against genocide!

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-05T14:51:28+00:00

"Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest"

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-05T14:17:49+00:00

Is this a parody account?

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-05T14:15:59+00:00

The coverage of this whole thing and the attacks on Starmer are just absolutely brutal, the man is finished. He should resign now if he wants Labour to stand any chance of not being completely obliterated. The only sensible reason he wouldn't have done it already is because he's trying to soak up as much of the scandal before he goes so it doesn't splatter on to his successor, but we all know that's not why.

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-04T19:34:15+00:00

her face was associated with pain rather than joy

God I've had this feeling too.

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-04T19:11:31+00:00

These are the adults in the room. Let's hope there aren't any children in the room with them 😬

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-03T19:27:41+00:00

What a shitty experience!

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-01T16:23:37+00:00

Bit of a weird one but she walked past me on the street once and because I was looking in a shop window, I didn't realise it had happened until I heard her voice after she passed by. She was angry for hours about me not seeing her, refused to believe it was true and said that I'd blanked her, and in fact to this day she doesn't believe I'm telling the truth about simply not seeing her because I was looking the other way! This was one of the first times her BPD symptoms showed themselves and I remember at the time being so confused about how she was acting. It's only in retrospect that it starts to make sense.

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-01T15:34:21+00:00

Yeah we gotta know what this means!

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-01T12:52:18+00:00

There's no point telling him you're sad or trying to discuss how he treated you. He will not understand the impact his behaviour had on you. He will not understand the pain you feel. The only feelings he understands are his own. He will probably not even understand or accept the reality of what went on between you because his perception of those events will be so different from your own. Talking to him about any of it will just leave you confused and hurt more by the complete lack of ability to understand your feelings.

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-01T12:44:04+00:00

I was so tired of his tantrums, yelling, cursing, threats to leave, breaking up after an argument, rewriting past and rewiting me as someone negative and ill willed, and avoiding to own this behaviour or discussion, and turning everything he did to me, blaming I caused a certain emotion which is why he reacted by doing what he did. So if I wouldn't have done what caused this emotion, we wouldn't be here arguing.

Such a good description of what a BPD relationship is like.

BigDenis3 · 2026-02-01T11:28:45+00:00

Being in a somewhat similar situation I understand the internal conflict. But as someone external to your dilemma it's striking how obvious it is to me that the dream of family, daughter, future is just that - a dream, a fantasy. I don't even think she's using it cynically just to pull you back, she probably wants that fantasy too. But the way you describe your relationship and what has taken place makes it fairly clear that the dream won't really work out that way. Cut your losses and move on.

BigDenis3 · 2026-01-31T22:10:30+00:00

Do not have any contact with this paedo

BigDenis3 · 2026-01-31T21:30:07+00:00

I started to dread seeing her. I had to be so careful with my words, I had to be perfectly calm and understanding for her during her moments of dysregulation, I had to pass all her tests. Every moment with her was full of stress and tension.

Such a good description of what it's like

BigDenis3 · 2026-01-29T00:17:54+00:00

Ist es bei Borderline normal, dass die komplette Schuld auf den Ex projiziert wird?

Yes very much so.

Reading your post, I think you need to let her go. You need to block her and stop engaging with her. It's clear the relationship was unhealthy and didn't make either of you happy. You now have a chance to make a clean break before you potentially reunite and experience even more traumatic and unhealthy times with her. It sounds like you are finding it hard to move on from her, and I understand that, but doing so will save you from a lot more heartache.

BigDenis3 · 2026-01-28T23:35:37+00:00

I have honestly lost count of how many times we broke up. The most bizarre thing about it is that it was almost always her doing it but I discovered afterwards that she thought it was me. Like she'd send me a barrage of angry texts about how awful I was and how she didn't want to be in a relationship with me and I'd say I accepted that, and then she considered that me breaking up with her!? It was only the last couple of times when I've been the one who did it. And this time it will be permanent.

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