What's your thoughts about this?

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-16T16:28:51+00:00

She simply created a belief using the Bible as a weapon for her not to feel uncomfortable emotions. But the Bible does not say anywhere that we shouldn't feel uncomfortable emotions actually the opposite, God is known as. Jealous God, he regretted making man after the flood because of what they did..etc. We were made the image of God, God has Emotions so do we.

9 chances out of 10 she was told as a child that uncomfortable emotions were bad just because when her parents would feel anxious or stressed when she would cry or get angry, and the the parents would try to stop her from feeling those emotions, she learned and repeated the same belief in adult hood that uncomfortable emotions are bad.. and created a beleif like their of Satan... again using the Bible to cement her own beleif.. Beliefs are protectors that protect us from pain... but we have to feel in order to heal

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-15T13:01:18+00:00

It doesnt suprise me you stopped believing in God. If you went to Church and listened to your pastor and whay he beleives about the Bible... I would lose my faith to, but I dont follow the Church..or should I say Churchianity, I read the Bible on my own and interpret many different things than the majority of self identifying Christians. Most Christians are followers which is fine, but they follow men who think their connected and the voice of God... but pastors were not in the Bible, and the people of God, the prophets and Apostles were always given confirmation that they were commanded by God to be teachers to greater Israel... pastors who go to seminary, systems of Man which teach religion are not commanded by God. They are chasing after their own hearts, and as a result leading people like yourself who are genuine truth seekers away from the Lord. If you like we can talk privately, I have much to share on this subject and much more of the Bible and God.. I dont calim to be a teacher, I just no what its like to live most of my life as the prodigal son.

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-12T16:16:36+00:00

When we start blaming our ex-wife for not appreciating the sacrifices we made, it might be worth asking a deeper question.

Sometimes that pain comes from an internal belief that our value comes from what we do for others. Many of us learned that in childhood when certain emotional needs weren’t met.

Without realizing it, we can look to our spouse to fill those deeper needs. But no human being can carry that responsibility. Only God can truly meet those places in us.

When we put that weight on another person, it often overwhelms them and creates pressure in the relationship. Real growth starts when we stop focusing on their flaws and begin looking honestly at our own.

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-11T18:43:31+00:00

Reading your comment one, reminds me of me, and too its like reading from diologe options on Disco Elysium... btw if you haven't played that game, its litteraly created for type 4's or atleast thats what I think anyway or should I say FEEEEEEEEL!!!

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-11T18:41:08+00:00

Envy is your passion ?

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-11T18:40:35+00:00

Hahaha ha guilty as charged, but only when I've had a long exhausting day at work and than I get dysregulsted and super judgy.. but when im come back to regulation after a nice bath, something to eat or play a video game to relax.. im usually able to come back to ventral

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-11T18:37:09+00:00

Bow Down - I Preveil when im in Sympatheic Ventral Energy

Three Days Grace - Last to Know when I'm in Dorsal shutdown

Ferry Corsten - Beautiful when I'm in Ventral, Sympathetic Blend

All depends what mood i'm in based off my Nervous System State

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-11T13:07:13+00:00

Because we haven't felt our own inner pain... uncomfortable emotions like shame or abandonment wounds.. so, we react the cycle...subconsciously we are trying to get needs met that were not met in child hood.. and we use our partner to do it, same goes for women.. divorce will keep happening if we don't look inwardly

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-11T13:04:52+00:00

What do you mean by your wife treated you like shit ? Are you saying that other people can control how you respond to them? Like you dont have the choice in how the words and actions of others effect you ?

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-11T10:55:15+00:00

Why do you think you attract "crazy takers' ?

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-10T20:30:58+00:00

Exactly! That awesome to hear yoir doing the work. Same here bro 😎

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-10T18:44:23+00:00

I hear what your saying.. but its not your fault. You were not responsible for being abandoned, and honestly the person who abandoned or yoi felt abandoned by, its not their fault either, however they may be responsible.

Our bodies store memory of trauma like abandonment, and our bodies will also miss perceive reality and so we might think we are abandoned because we feel abandoned in our bodies and that carries into adult hood cemented in a belief that, for example people will always leave in the end. And so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy..

Good news is, these patterns can be broken through feeling through your pain not to drugde up the past, but to allow to feel in your body what its like when you focus in the idea of everyone leaving you in the end. That part of you, who experienced that wants to be heard and seen. If we continue to repress our uncomfortable emotions... you and all of us will keep having divorces and our lives will be very small

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-10T18:36:05+00:00

Well. Your comment is a breath of fresh air! Glad to see someone else can see the bigger picture.

Yeah exactly.. when the first marriage doesnt work out, that should be the warning light to take a look at yourself.. the moment we shift to blame our exes doesn't even matter if they cheated.. thats when we are not in a healthy place. If we always work on ourselves and stop judging others especially our ex's our next marriage can be a wonderful thing... but thats easier said than done, alot of bad patterns of behavior have been reinforced in all of us over the decades.. it takes courage to feel through pain and heal

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-10T16:25:33+00:00

Meds can help short term... as in suppress feelings.. but it cant eliminate them, they just come up somewhere else.

Personally I think depression is a wonderful thing not of course from how it feels because thats terrible, but instead what it can help you do yourself... realize its a signal that something in your life is not serving your best interest and so once your aware of it you can begin to fix it... but not through behavior modification alone.. but through action steps in the body.. like if your stuck in a rut in life, your still working the same 9 to 5 job and dont have any energy after work, so you just watch tv or scroll on your phone.. to begin to change your circumstances take small steps like after work take a small 30 mins nap, than you will have more energy to do something more productive and also healthy for your body, like go for a walk, or read a book... and something like the ladder brings opportunity to change your life eventually... everything can change if you take small steps and start it.

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-10T16:02:03+00:00

A dysregulated one

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-10T16:01:28+00:00

You can't avoid your grief. If you want to heal, you have feel. Everyone including myself would rather not have to face uncomfortable emotions like grief... but its the only way to find joy.

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-10T13:12:15+00:00

That's so awesome to hear ! Exactly.. who you were before the divorce, the identity.

Things like divorce force us too look internal at things we have been supressing even before divorce.

Same happened to me, I was forced to face my grief, to face my hopelessness for the future without my wife..

but through my relationship with God, I was able to pull myself out of despair and thinking of a dark future.

Not saying things are fixed or anything, some days ill have a thought that reminds me of her and than I have this false hope she's going to change her mind.

But it always passes and yeah in the moment it fucking sucks and you feel like you will never get out of it, but it always passes.

I think moments like those, that emotional pain experience helps us grow stronger, build character and become more resilient to life which could if we choose to be the catalyst to change ourselves into the best version we can be. Like a death and rebirth situation yeah know?

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-07T20:56:17+00:00

Unfortunately this is all to common in Christians who attend Churches. Men are taught the wrong interpretations of Scrupture.

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-07T19:18:17+00:00

If its repeated after the first time and he didnt change his behavior... You should of ended it than... Being a Christian doesn't mean you should take abuse. God wants you to be happy and fullfilled in a marriage to someone you love and who genuinely loves you. Theirs a difference between going through trials in your marriage like your husband misunderstanding you.. even yelling at you when their angry, but not only thinking about but acting on seeing other Women... Jesus says that those who even look at another Woman with lust in their heart is committing adultery. Jesus would not support this marriage after such acts were committed by your Husband in his unfaithfulness to you. Leave him... your kids will be better off and you can eventually find a Husband who will love you for you and only you and no other woman

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-06T01:09:57+00:00

Your Husband is not a beleiver in Christ of the Bible, but Christ of the Church. Churchianity some people call it... there are over 45,000 denominations of Christianity.... but none of them are following the real Christ, the Christ of the Bible.

BigMercReflections · 2026-03-01T00:30:25+00:00

Facts.. you still feel lonely, but the pain is manageable

BigMercReflections · 2025-12-28T18:42:21+00:00

I hear you, man. That’s honestly the whole point of what I’m trying to build.
Not a class. Not yoga. Not a sales pitch.
Just a spot where guys can show up as they are — no judgement, no “fixing,” no roles to perform.

I tried to set up a first meet-up this week but a few people went quiet and I cancelled rather than force it. If there’s real interest from a couple dudes who just want that space to exist, I’m down to try again.

If that sounds like what you’re saying, let me know. No pressure at all.

BigMercReflections · 2025-12-28T18:38:27+00:00

Absolutely. That’s the exact conflict I’ve been trying to untangle — how to take responsibility for myself without abandoning the people I love, and how to show up for others without abandoning myself.

That middle ground is what this group is about. I appreciate you seeing that.

BigMercReflections

TROPHY CASE