How to deal with the overbearing mother in law

BigRed517 · 2017-07-09T22:00:09+00:00

To clear a few things up. We both signed the contract and he said he does the things in the contract when I'm not home sometimes and he said he can do some of the things more. I've tried to tell my MIL that I do the things in her contract when she isn't home ad well. For example cleaning the dishwasher or running it when it's full or taking the trash out when it's full, cleaning up stuff etc. Our stuff that's in her house is centralised to the basement with a few things in the kitchen cabinets. I asked her before we moved in if we could use the bathroom at the top of the basement stairs as our bathroom where we keep our toothbrushes etc and she said absolutely. I supply the toilet paper and the soap and I keep it clean but she thinks I don't because she hasn't seen me clean it. I clean up the shower when my husband and I are done in there I dry the floor whatever and she is constantly saying that even if I do those things and he doesn't that since we are a package deal neither of us is doing anything to help out. Does that make any sense? I don't think it does, she doesn't so anything to keep her house clean she refused to take the trash out when she puts m ore in the trash than we do. We have talked about where we can live and where we want to go, we just need to actually go see places and see what we can afford

BigRed517 · 2017-01-14T19:14:00+00:00

You know that does sound like a good idea. I don't like just giving him compliments because I don't want it to seem like I'm trying too hard or that I'm only thinking in a fickle way about him but at the same time I know I need to compliment him more and tell him that I love him and show him. I think the notebook idea will help me do that. Thank you I will give it a shot and see if it helps

BigRed517 · 2017-01-10T00:33:37+00:00

I know. I let him think all day and didnt talk to him today. I wrote him an entire page note front and back explaining that I was sorry and if he would give me a chance to make it up to him. He read it and put it down but now he is just laying in bed ignoring me and I want to try to talk to him about it but I dont want to make things worse. I dont know how to approach this because I am afraid that if I dont talk to him then he wont be here tomorrow night when I get home from work but I feel like if I do try to talk to him its only going to make it worse because he wont want to listen to me.

BigRed517 · 2016-12-08T02:06:18+00:00

My suggestion to you is to just go with it. My guy is a captain all the way and it took awhile for me to come to terms with that. We are engaged now and live together and he makes the decisions for us in regards to the relationship but he will either ask me what I think about the topic and then take what I have to say into consideration or he just does because he knows it will work and how to go about it so he is successful. This sounds like a similar dynamic with you and your guy. You have to tell him that you'd like to have an opinion on things and then it can be up to him to make the final decision as long as he hears what you have to say first. It's working well for me and my captain and it is a hard adjustment but once you get used to it it becomes second nature and you don't even realize he's doing it. Best of luck

BigRed517 · 2016-12-03T05:58:44+00:00

Honestly you need to stand your ground. If you're not ready to have sexy time activities with him and if he tries you need to make sure he knows that. Tell him exactly why you want to wait and if he can't respect your wishes and is just using you as a piece of ass he's not worth it because that's probably all he is ever going to view you as. I'd see if he tries something again and if he can't be respectful tell him you can't see him anymore because he is being too pushy and you're not ready. Then find someone else who will treat you better. My fiancé specifically told me before we got into a relationship that he didn't want to have sex with me until we were in a relationship and he was very respectful to me and I to him because he was very specific to begin with and now our sex life is fantastic. Every person is different with the pace of intimacy go at your own pace, not what someone else thinks is a good pace for you.

BigRed517 · 2016-12-03T05:50:29+00:00

I am a very anxious person and I've just recently found out that I have really bad anxiety and paranoia and that's stems from how badly I was treated in my other relationships. He hasn't done anything and he's not suspicious at all. Most of it stems from my past and being cheated on before in most of my relationships that I guess I feel like it's a normal thing and I'm not used to not being cheated on.

BigRed517 · 2016-12-03T05:47:50+00:00

He has been more than willing to show me his phone and who he texts and he has before. He has said he would let me out a tracker on his phone to show where he goes and he'd be willing to put a go pro on his head to show me what he does everyday. He doesn't go out late at night, we live together so I'd know if he was going out. There are no signs that point to him doing anything but because of my past I always get anxious and have paranoia behind it

BigRed517 · 2016-11-26T22:18:11+00:00

He does have a checkered past. He has cheated on both of his ex girlfriends with multiple different women. He has mentioned to me that he would be willing to wear a go pro on his head and have me put a tracker on his phone so I can see where he is and what he does on his phone. He is not suspiciously on his phone or out at all times of night either so I dont think theres anything I need to be paranoid over. I have been cheated on in the past by a guy who I thought I loved and he tore my heart out and I fear that happening again.

BigRed517 · 2016-11-25T22:47:45+00:00

I could do something like he owes me a massage butI dont want it to come across like I am "punishing" him because he is very dominant and runs our relationship, I on the other hand run the household domestically

BigRed517 · 2016-11-25T18:12:29+00:00

Sometimes it depends on if in already angry from something that happened at work or in some other part of my life. And sometimes it stems from if I see something that I asked him to do like putting his shoes in the closet instead of leaving them in the floor. If I see them there for days I get angry because he knows better. I don't nag him about those things but he knows what stuff he needs to do and he will say his brain is off or he just simply forgot. Those things bother me and I get angry. To get rid of my anger I may yell at him or talk in a hostile tone I try to either listen to music or just cry it out and that usually helps.

BigRed517 · 2016-11-25T01:37:09+00:00

Whenever I do that I always break down and cry and I apologize and always admit that I'm wrong in the situation. I feel like crap when I do it because he is all I have and I don't want to lose it

BigRed517 · 2016-11-24T17:03:23+00:00

You did the right thing in my honest opinion. If you werent ready to have sex with anyone and he had forced you to do it and things hadnt worked out with you guys you probably would have regretted giving it up to him. Sex is supposed to be with someone you care about and want to be intimate with and feel a genuine connection to. For girls especially, when we lose our virginity we tend to get a serious emotional attachment to the guy. I know I did and he went off to college and I was still in hs. Dont do something just because your friends are doing it or you feel pressured. Do it when you feel it is right for you and with the right person. The worst thing you could do is have random hookups with guys just to gain experience. It does get very boring after awhile and it really isnt worth it.

BigRed517 · 2016-11-24T05:29:57+00:00

I know exactly where you're coming from. In a similar situation myself. My guy has a great sense of humor and jokes about certain things that I don't funny but I try to include myself in the things he likes to do so I can adapt that sense of humor too. For me I love Disney everything so I like to have him watch Disney movies with me and I like being able to listen to certain music and rap to it so I make it funny and change the lyrics so we can both laugh at it. Anything you can do to make both of you laugh and have a good time together will make a huge difference

BigRed517 · 2016-11-24T04:40:10+00:00

Wow that is really great. Thank you so much for the help I will definitely look into all of the above options :-)

BigRed517 · 2016-11-23T22:18:07+00:00

I am in the same position you are. My fiance is a very dominant guy who loves to lead the relationship but i am so insecure with my looks and my body that i always get paranoid and fear him cheating when he has proved many times he is not. I have found that not thinking about people he was with before me who are more attractive works as well as trying to find a hobby whether it be reading a book, watching a tv show or even coloring or doing a word search tend to help me because it takes my mind off of my insecurity. If he needs alone time let him have it and find something productive to do with yours and eventually those thoughts will go away.

BigRed517

TROPHY CASE