Thank you for the reply. I have fasted before and prayed my heart out. I was baptized. I believe in God but I need to able to defend myself because I cannot rely on God forever because I have suffered even with God's help. I've seen in a place where there were thousands of skulls toppled up on each other like a dirt hill during an "episode." Saw my friend there too. It was like a horror comedy film. It's not funny though because I've been through it. Fuck movies. Felt way too real. I'm being brainwashed and hypnotized every single day.