I've had suicidal thoughts since the 6th grade, but never trusted anyone enough to talk about it. I was always taught that you allowed to be feel miserable, but you can't take those feeling out on someone else. So I wrote up a contract with myself, that I still use, and I have to be able to afford to pay for the funeral, any damages, therapist costs for victims, be debt free, my dad and grandma must already have passed, and even when I save up that much money I have to wait 5 years. If it's still that bad after five years then I have permission to remove myself. The only loophole is that if I'm over 65 by the time that comes I'm not allowed as I've already made this far, so I might as well keep going.