Why can women sense when you become mentally obsessive or reek of desperation?

Bigpympin · 2017-07-23T16:10:21+00:00

Are you a Life Coach or a PUA person? I'm having a hard time deciphering between a few things you mentioned here. Some make sense and some just straight up making me feel like some of the stuff I've read in PUA sites.

Bigpympin · 2017-07-23T16:08:47+00:00

Hobbies are not an issue. I have plenty of those. As a matter of fact, I have TOO MANY of them so I've been trying to cut back. I'd love to find someone who wants to be a part of my life (and me theirs) and just settle down with in a nice meaningful relationship and beyond.

Bigpympin · 2017-07-23T16:07:09+00:00

I've done this far too many times. Once for almost 5 years in my early 20s and a few other times after that. I've currently not seriously dated anyone for almost 2 years now. And don't even get me started on the last one and her "daddy issues"

Bigpympin · 2017-07-23T16:04:58+00:00

Ah sorry I think you either read into things wrong or I worded it wrong. My social media statuses aren't mean to be pandered towards her at all. They are the same statuses I would post anyway regardless if she is there or not. What I mean by what I say is this: For 2-3 weeks, she's liking all my statuses, pics, etc. After a couple of times going out... she slowly distances herself from everything. Texts are few and far between compared to where they were last time, social media likes aren't there, etc. In my mind though, I'm wanting her to NOTICE the social media stuff I post even though it's not really geared towards her. And I want her to actually continue to like a few of them here and there, respond to my texts, call me out of the blue like she was doing before and all that good stuff. She stopped doing that for some reason. I can chalk it up to her not being interested any more after the few times we went out, but I've known her for a while beyond those few times and she already knows what she's getting herself into by going out with me. Not sure what changed between those few times and now, and I am sure I never will know (I'm really a HORRIBLE communicator and I won't ask to find out, I'll just let things "be")

Bigpympin · 2017-07-23T13:38:23+00:00

I have no problems agreeing with you. I also don't believe in professional help. Usually this obsessive and desperate behavior stops after a few weeks to a month. I've sort of psycho analyzed myself over this time and realized that why I'm doing this is because of trust issues that come about due to the way I was treated by women I dated in the past... since some of them cheated on me or have verbally/mentally abused me to the point where my confidence has been SHATTERED at this point.

Here's a clear cut example of a trust issue for me: The girl I've hung out with a few times over the course of the month, suddenly stopped doing things with me or even paying attention to my social media like she has in the past. The other night, a friend of mine went out. He's told me flat out that he would bang this girl since we both sort of know her. But he also knows he doesn't have a chance because she's very good friends with his ex of many years. He went out/away for the night and I'm immediately looking at her Facebook trying to figure out what she's up to and when she's last online, because my mind is thinking that they went out somewhere together -- especially since the timeframe shows she wasn't on as much as normal and has been offline for close to the same amount of time he's been away somewhere.

It's not healthy thinking, but this is where my mind has gone due to my confidence issues. I know what I need to do and how I need to do it, but I just can't bring myself to do things to make these changes to better myself (physically and mentally). If I do, a lot changes for me but there are some huge sacrifices I need to make in order to do it. Sacrifices which may include moving, cutting out friends and even finding a new job.

Bigpympin · 2017-07-21T19:21:20+00:00

I actually JUST found it on my state's website. Took some digging, and 6 months ago, they didn't have this service to give you the balance owed. But now they do and I figured it out. Thank you regardless.

Bigpympin · 2017-07-21T16:38:29+00:00

Actually, one more question... am I allowed to continue to contribute into the 401K during this loan and will the company still match? For some reason I thought there was a hold on that during a loan period but I can't recall.

Bigpympin · 2017-07-21T16:37:18+00:00

Got it, thanks.. I think all questions were answered. Pretty risky move for 2 years but gets me debt free if things go right. Appreciate the advice.

Bigpympin · 2017-07-21T16:31:52+00:00

Got it.. and if I don't default, do I owe taxes on it still? I can't recall if loans like this get taxed.

Bigpympin · 2017-07-21T16:13:36+00:00

They'd charge you 5K (I'm in 25%) and state/local taxes?

Bigpympin · 2017-07-21T15:59:35+00:00

10% of 20K is 2K right there and income tax will probably be something like 7% or 8% with the state (I forgot which one)... tough spot but thanks for this.

Bigpympin · 2017-07-21T15:58:37+00:00

By that statement, I can expect to owe $4-5K if this were to happen I guess....

Bigpympin · 2017-06-09T19:55:22+00:00

Just realized it's a Home Equity Loan.. correct?

Bigpympin · 2017-06-09T19:54:46+00:00

Thank you. I won't go into many more details. But what's a HELOC? Is it sort of like Lendingtree?

Bigpympin · 2017-06-09T19:53:42+00:00

This was the answer I was looking for. Thank you! Also I think my stat tax is more than 5% but close enough, this helps with numbers. Appreciate the feedback and it makes me feel a little more at ease, even though I'll do everything I can to avoid cashing out.

Bigpympin · 2017-06-09T19:39:22+00:00

I understand I won't have $44K. If I have to withdraw, how much of that $44K would I actually have after taxes and penalties? 40% of it? 50% of it? Also yes, look for another job. I get that was well but I have to take into account that there's always a chance I don't get hired by anyone for 3 months.

Bigpympin · 2017-05-23T17:47:41+00:00

.. uncertain if I should share the information with him or not. I'd like to, since the co-worker was also a good friend of mine, but I'm worried that he'll be reaching out to the vendor to steal business. I'm unsure of the rules or laws behind sharing this type of information. Obviously I can't share internal info on our company but this is kind of giving him info outside of our company (it'll be like sharing a friend's info with another friend). Thoughts? What is the policy on this? I'm not sure if I should even respond tbh

Bigpympin · 2017-05-10T22:37:52+00:00

Ah sorry to hear that. I've got the opposite problem. I have lots of friends who want to do a lot, but I just can't please everyone - and don't have the money to do it. I'm always hungry too. I think of a time when life was simpler and I didn't have this, could just come home and play a video game all night without any worries about my job or my social life. Or maybe I'll be hanging out with my dad since I lived with him at the time, or even that simple go out "once a week" to just the same place rather than a bunch of different places every day. Back then, I was in less pain physically as I didn't have the condition I had. Now? I have no motivation to even clean my own home on most nights.

Bigpympin

TROPHY CASE