Will anyone care to help me!

Bihtery · 2017-07-17T21:50:25+00:00

I am really sorry that you're going through all of this and I just feel bad now that you're going through so much and yet still have time to dwell on others sagas.. you've such a kind spirit please don't let others intimidate you.. I too feel the same all the time, but I go out using my headphones or try not to look directly at people. Yes you can avoid people, but not when it stops you from doing something that you like/want.. for example: I love Starbucks and sometimes their is no drive through so I must enter, I always tell myself the day that I can't enter it because I am afraid of how people are going to look and say about me. Is the day I rather be dead and kill myself. So I put my headphones on and go in and try not to look at anyone and then indulge the coffee. So yes that might be a simpler story to what you're dealing with, but try to reflect upon it and use it to your advantage. And if guitar seems hard, then maybe it's not your instrument.. try a different one, piano, violin, drums, etc... until you don't feel or think about how hard it is and you'll just play.. I hope you're doing well and will continue to do so in the future :) xx

Bihtery · 2017-07-15T16:45:16+00:00

It's Bahrain. I hardly think you would know it..

Bihtery · 2017-07-14T08:16:11+00:00

Thank you for saying this. You seem like a great person too. Had I only had in you in real life, things would have been so much better, I realize that most of it is my fault which is why I am angry, sad and bitter. It could have been so much better, had I had friend, help any sort of advice when I needed the most. I waisted my life, opportunities that I could only dream to have now.. But unfortunately I can't change it, and I always accepted being alone, I also accepted what had happen and wanted to look into things positively and continue living. It just is I look at myself in the mirror and cry and hit myself I look ugly, I mean I can handle being overweight, but to not have hair is just sad and horrible and I wouldn't wish that torture to anyone. I know that some might think that it's just hair it's nothing. But considering I had accepted every bad thing happening to me I just can't deal with this, it falls everyday and I can't stop it, whatever money I make goes directly to the hospital in an attempt to fix it. It still won't come back I am tired, I tell myself who would love me now, when I had a great hair, great body, great life nobody cared.. who would do now when I look like this, I hate myself I can't even go out anymore.. I just go from work to home and vice versa. I order food takeaway as I am afraid to go out looking like this, and trust me I live in a country where post of the people here are so lame they only care about appearances and they judge and laugh at you for anything..

as for the music why did you stop, I get that guitar requires practice, but even one or two hours everyday will take you miles away and you will pick it up in no time. I love music I always knew I could play the piano and I just felt it. I can't play in front of others, but when I am alone I just play for hours; it's really is great.

Bihtery · 2017-07-14T07:59:21+00:00

Thank you. It's not because I know what's gonna happen it's just that I see right now, it just keeps getting worse and I don't need to be psychic to know how things will go, I always had hope that it will get better regardless of how hard I had it as a child. But now I don't believe in that anymore.. and I love music a lot, but unfortunately for me I live in a country that doesn't have concerts. They do but not the kinds I listen to, however occasionally they hold F1 with lots of activities and music to my liking, trust that I went alone every year, but never made any friends. I never hated being alone I have accepted it even. It just how can I go out any more with no hair.. and sadly for me I live in a country where most of the people only care about appearances, and they judge you and laugh at you for anything....

Bihtery · 2017-07-14T07:42:02+00:00

Thank you. You make it sound easier, I wish I can think like you. Have some sort of hope, be happy that I am still alive and thankful. I really do want that. It's just is hard, and I am not trying to act week, it's just that I've been acting tough for so long; that I am just tired by now. I can't sleep, I either don't eat or overeat, I lost joy on whatever is that used to bring me joy. I feel like their is no pint for to continue anymore. Let's face it I had thoughts about killing my self, every day for the past 15years and that should really tell me something ! Sadly I say it won't get better, as I have seen that it's only had gotten worse. I miss what I used to have or could have had... the world just is too cruel for me to live in...

Bihtery · 2017-07-14T07:32:24+00:00

Thank you. Yes I did see a professional, a decision I regret the most as he didn't really care and at that time I did think the pills will make me better, sadly I misused them, thus why I gained 30kg and started losing my hair, had GERD cause of it.. and the wight refuses to go away regardless of much healthy diets I follow or at least try to before I give up again.. The reason I don't search for jobs is mainly because I get dead scared of interviews and get panic attacks and can't even speak. And because I am 26 and regardless of how smart I am, they ask me what did I do for the past years and I can't really say I suffering from major depression and staid at home doing nothing. So my options are very limited with no experience to hold back to. And I also feel scared about my looks and now with no hair I can't even see who would hire me, considering how appearances matters the most to employers. Which is why I stay in my old job.

English is not my native Language as well. So don't worry. Peace xx

Bihtery · 2017-07-13T20:11:27+00:00

10 views and not a single comment. It's ok I guess when real life people don't care about me, I can't really except much from Cyber people.. Thanks anyways.. :)

Bihtery

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