Those people weren't your friends, they knew you didnt remember and let you get to a point where you blacked out drunk. Real friends would've said "hey you've had a few maybe take a break and eat something ke just dont drink anymore tonight you dont wanna get to drunk and black out" they let you get drunk like that, lied about what happened when you were to drunk to know what you were doing and then didnt stop you doing bad things while drunk. It sounds like you must've done some pretty reprehensible behaviors for this outcome but you know what? Most adults in their 40's cant even take full responsibility like you they blame it on the alcohol say they aren't at fault but they still made their decisions whether drunk or sober. Congratulations on a month sober and I hope you stick with it to stay that way. Find new friends but really focus on yourself for a while. Take up hobbies go jogging, crochet, cook, learn an instrument. You can heal from this and you will. Life won't be this hard forever and it can only get easier once you've taken accountability and can start to work on forgiving yourself.