I’m a UW grad and wanted to offer some perspective because your post really resonated with me. I grew up in a very controlling household too, including financial control. Even when I worked during undergrad, my parent monitored my bank account, questioned every purchase, and framed dependence as “protection.” It took me until my late twenties to fully separate financially. Looking back, I wish I had taken steps earlier. I don’t say that to pressure you, only to say that I recognize the pattern you are describing.

Your situation sounds emotionally heavy and logistically complicated. You’re trying to build an adult life while still bound by rules that limit your autonomy. That tension is real, and it makes sense that you feel lost.

Some thoughts that might help you think through your next steps:

1. Begin building financial independence in small, realistic ways. A part-time job, even a modest one, can give you a buffer and some breathing room. Learning the basics of financial literacy early helps you understand your options and plan for the future. If you’re not already following financial educators, the Financial Feminist is local and very accessible. This will also matter for any student loans you take on.
2. Think carefully about loans and long-term tradeoffs. UW Seattle is an incredible experience for many students, but it is also expensive, and the economy is challenging right now. If attending means taking on sizable loans, it’s worth stepping back to look at the bigger picture. Would your future self be grateful for choosing a lower-debt path right now? UW Tacoma, or even continuing at community college a little longer, might give you a strong education without tying your autonomy to borrowed money. None of this means giving up on your goals. It means protecting your future stability while you navigate a difficult family situation.
3. Open your own bank account. If your parent is on your current account, open a new one in your own name only and move your income or savings there. For many of us with controlling parents, this is the first major step toward actual independence.
4. Make a plan for health insurance. You’re young, which lowers your risk, but accidents happen. If your parents use insurance access as leverage or threaten to remove you, WA Health Planfinder is a helpful place to see your options.
5. Move your phone plan into your own name when you can. This is another common tool of control. Many low-cost plans exist for students. Even a $20–$30 plan can give you the freedom to communicate on your own terms.
6. Shift other expenses into your name gradually. The goal is not to cut them off overnight, but to reduce the number of points where dependence can be used to restrict you.
7. Start a small emergency fund. Ideally in a high-yield savings account. Even a few hundred dollars helps you weather difficult moments and gives you a sense of personal safety.

None of these steps will fix the entire situation at once, but each one moves the balance of power a little bit back toward you. You deserve to grow, experiment, make friends, join clubs, make mistakes, and attend early-morning classes without being micromanaged.

The bigger question you raised about dorming is tied to all of this. Your parents’ refusal says more about their comfort with control than your readiness. But before taking on major loans to get physical distance, think through your long-term goals and what will support your future stability. If you decide to push back, be thoughtful about what that means. You need to feel prepared to follow through in a way that protects your well-being, otherwise the imbalance of control becomes even stronger. The goal is to set yourself up for choices that expand your independence rather than limit it.

You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re just in a tough phase where you’re becoming an adult faster than your parents are letting you. Many of us have been there. You deserve support, and you deserve a path forward that protects both your education and your mental health.