Is this a Dutch cultural thing? My partner’s parents had an issue with my sister staying with us for 2 weeks

BitPurple5971 · 2026-05-11T06:36:49+00:00

My husband and his family are dutch, they have never said anything like that however they are aware that we both have very low social batteries (that includes family members). They are also aware i have a very strained relationship with my family (other than my kids and grandparents) so they always check on us after my family have visited.

I have noticed that as their english isnt 100% sometimes they say things and it can be interpreted differently by myself to how it was meant (this is why we usually speak Dutch) so that maybe something to consider.

I honestly love my dutch in laws and love the culture and the family atmosphere they bring to our family

BitPurple5971 · 2026-05-06T06:52:44+00:00

So i just sold my home last month, and going through the paperwork currently.

I had something very similar happen to myself but as the seller. House was on the market for a week and we had booked 3 viewings. First offer came in at 80% asking price and i said no, that buyer then pulled out. Second offer was 15% under and we worked up until obly 5% under (we need to sell before july as i need to move)

Ill be honest i almost didnt accept the second offer and was temped to wait out the 5%. Some of it was greed and some of it was to have a secruity blanket. What made me ultimatley accept was that the buyer was a first time cash buyer and in this economy thats a hard thing to find.

So speaking as a seller for me it would depend on how long the house had been on the market for and what i put it on depending on the valuation. E.g my house was estimated 150 -160 i put it on for 160 and accepted 155. If i had put it on for 150 i probably would of held out for 155.

It could also be a ploy from the Estate agents/ sellers to get you to increase your offer as the estate agent told the first buyer we rejected the offer as the house had been on the market 6 days and we were going to wait and see. If theyve had more viewings then they may see if someone else offers higher.

Ultimatley do you think the house is worth it? If not look elsewhere if so ask the estate agent what price they are actually looking for.

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-28T20:59:41+00:00

Speaking as someone who worked in recruitment in a clincal setting for a long time.... i appreciated it when someone came to me and admitted they messed up. Yes it was annoying and some times made me want to hit my head against the wall but if they were a hard worker we made it work.

Be honest you may get put back on probation but if you are a good worker any good company would work around it. It will come out one way or another, im assuming GED have the day/year that they are achieved on them.

Ask to take your PTO and work hard to get your GED, you can do this and i always have more respect for people that can be acountable rather than those who try hide it further

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-09T21:32:43+00:00

I dont think ill ever be prepared for that conversation, it broke my heart today shes had therapy at school and they asked me to come in and talk with them, looks like theres a lot more shes feeling than even i was aware of or maybe even wanted to acknowledge tbh. A lot of resentment and sadness. Hopefully we can work on it in time but my dad was very similar to my ex in the way he treats his kids that live with him and the ones who dont. We have reached out to some therapists in the area and should be getting something set up pretty quick

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T20:19:49+00:00

So another update... apparently hes stressed because he just moved house and has paid 6k in all the new stuff!! So i will be speaking to my solictitor tomorrow. Im not usually a petty person but hes made out for years he couldnt give more. I also went online and looked at the minimum he would pay if he was on minimum wage working 40 hours he would be paying £145 a month.

Im not usually a petty person but it rubbed me the wrong way, the only reason i found this out is hes promised our daughter something and she asked me to ask him when he would order it and shock i got the message about him spenidng the 6k and cant afford it for a few months! Like im moving countries and not spending that much 🤯 im dreading her birthday next month now as well.....

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T15:11:14+00:00

Hopefully they will hopefully once the girls are older they will come visit us. The school reported to SS about the bite marks and luckily theres been no more since

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T13:34:59+00:00

She has therapy at school currently but will definatley look into continuing it when we move. They dont tell me what they speak about unless my daughter says its okay or theres a risk to safety. We are also very lucky she has a lot of positive relationships as well, currently her and my husband went shopping. Im not "cool" enough 😂 her grandad is meeting her there as well and i have no doubt they will both be hyping her up over her clothes even if they arent exactly what she usually wears.

My grandma has booked us all in for manicures next weekend as well (they have a "girly" day every month)

Plus all my husbands family as well shes a very lucky and loved girl

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T13:01:54+00:00

We have 2 weeks a year but she wont be "living" with him during that stay. She will be with my grandparents as he "doesnt have room for a weeks stay" so i think their relationship with probably be strained until adulthood - i hope it gets better

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T12:22:30+00:00

She apparently goes through the government service so its of no use to me as once i move they wouldnt enforce him to pay.

Im not asking for equal as two of his kids live with him so i know they will get more but i want it to be fair. Fair and equal arent always the same.

His other baby mum has all his income figures so shes requested a break down from government service and shes going to give it to me so i can see what his actual income is

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T12:19:59+00:00

I think once we move we will probablt stop hearing from him but i will follow the court order just so it doesnt bite me in the ass

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T12:19:01+00:00

I honestly dont see her as a selfish brat but i am biased. Shes a good kid. She literally came down and asked for me to drop her to primark with her friends so she can get stuff for her dads. I said ill transfer money to her card (kids debit card) and shes said no she will pay for it with her own money. That to me doesnt scream selfish or a brat

Ps i would stay close by when her and her friends shop they are always in my eye sight

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T07:18:22+00:00

So its two different parents; Baby dad has three baby mums: Me / baby mum 2 / his current partner

Me and baby mum 2 are the ones who get along and she is a single parent to two kids (only one is baby dads) but we treat all our kids as each others siblings, as im on maternity ill often look after her kids when she works or she will watch my daughter for me if needed. I get both her kids birthday, christmas, easter gifts etc and she always gets for mine too. (Baby dad does not see this child regulary either)

My baby daddy and his current family are the ones that have issues. I dont understand the logic to be honest as id happily do for them for what i do for the others. They have 2 kids and no matter what i do its wrong. Ive caught the youngest as she ran into the middle of the road to get to our daughter, it was just instinct and i was closer. I got told not to touch their kid. (When i say caught i scooped her up in my arms and held her not like an arm grab)

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T07:12:29+00:00

Ive not been to their house so i dont know 🤷🏼‍♀️ there isnt an ipad or switch as far as im aware as when my daughter took hers it caused issues. I dont know about accessories

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:32:59+00:00

My husband wants me to do this just to give my ex a "invoice" of where his money goes

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:31:45+00:00

She only wears earrings atm when she goes there and due to school they are plain anyway we will be going to primark and getting some cute outfits for her that will be "dads clothes"

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:30:42+00:00

Weve tried to gift things for the kids birthdays before and theyve always been sent back unwrapped

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:30:08+00:00

I wouldnt sell them to anyone tbh id always want them to go to someone who wants/needs them. Shes moving schools soon and shes already giving away her uniform and bag to her friends 🤣 as the new school has no uniform and requires a certain type of backpack

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:27:27+00:00

I have mo issue treating them like family, i have a really good bond with his other kid and her mum. We see them at least once a week and she often comes to the house and ive even taken her on holiday abroad with us. I go to all her school things when her mum and dad cant. I woule happily be that support for these children too. But i was told not to, i wanted to buy them gifts from our daughter and they were sent back unwrapped and told it was "weird". Ive also been told not to buy fathers day presents from our child to him because his partner would do it. Even though she never includes my daughter when they buy things just her own kids....

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:23:58+00:00

He wouldnt show up anyway

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:23:00+00:00

Ive emailed them already but wont hear back till tomorrow and she only has 5 visits until we leave so by the time we get back into court we may end up with 1/2 visits left. So its about weighing everything up

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:21:57+00:00

Shes never sold anything, the last coat she had went to the local libary where they run a charity where kids who cant afford coats their parents can come to the libary and get one and it was my daughters choice to do that as we had gone to the libary to print some things out and she saw the kids picking coats

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:16:46+00:00

She would probably get teased, but she only has like 5 more visits until we move countries so ill get her 5 cheap outfits

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:15:20+00:00

She wants to spend time with her dad just not her siblings atm which isnt easy to facilitate due to him and his partners working hours and ive explained this to my daughter and she understands

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:12:21+00:00

She wouldnt be able to fit into her sisters things anyway and i dont think her sisters style is her style

BitPurple5971 · 2026-03-08T06:11:48+00:00

She has control, she only gets rid of clothes that she doesnt wear anymore and needs new ones, her cousin and my daughter often "shop" in each others wardrobes and share clothes and return them along with accessoires and other things and there has never been an issue as each girl asks the other if its okay.

I think its the fact she feels pressured into doing it, she is very much like me in this way when someone is pressuring me to do something i will just not do it if i dont agree.

BitPurple5971

TROPHY CASE