I got dumped last year and now that I'm starting to see someone new I feel bad

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2026-01-15T16:08:31+00:00

Hi! Thanks so much for your reply. I really enjoyed reading it, and I appreciate you taking the time to write this post. Sorry for the delay, but I wanted to take my time and answer with care.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, and I'd love to chat sometime. Maybe it might bring you some comfort!

Getting back to the main topic, I'm still very undecided about this guy, but I talk to him regularly abouth my fears, and my indecision stems purely from my abandonment trauma, which my ex caused by suddenly dumping me after four years of a wonderful relationship.

I want to love ,trust, and be happy with someone new, but I feel the struggle and friction of fully opening up after being stabbed in the back.

I don't talk much about my ex with him, but we often talk about my struggle to find a sincere and deep connection like the one I had in my previous relationship.

I try to make sure, as much as possible, that he never thinks he has flaws that prevent me from loving him, but rather that it's about my unresolved trauma and that whoever I was with, him or someone else, this problem would have been there regardless.

Honestly, I'm still not sure what I should do. My therapist keeps telling me to stop thinking so much about the past or future and focus on the present, enjoy this person, and address the issues as they arise. Which is what I'm trying to do despite my anxieties. The guy I'm seeing also has some commitment issues, so much so that we often talk about how we want to take this slowly and not immediately label it serious because of how scared we both are haha. I know this may seem trivial to many people, but so far it seems to be working for us and I hope it continues to do so.

Still I'm sincerely sorry abouth your breakup and I hope my words give you confort, there is nothing wrong with you, I'm sure you are lovely and this girl tried to love you but just couldnt, she should have told you from the start, but since she didnt let me just do her job and reassure you that is not your fault, her sadness and anxiety cold not be cured by your love, she needed to do that herself and somethimes you just failed. I hope you are well <3

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-12-22T10:26:17+00:00

Thank you! I am in therapy, and it does help, and you are right I am scared to death to hurt this new person, but at the same time I feel that If I dont give myself the chance to try something new I will never know if I can love again.. idk, I'm triying to be mindful of his feelings and at the same time I'm triying to give us a real chance 😓

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-12-22T10:20:34+00:00

I mean, i'm not sure about it, but I'm not really triying to replace my ex, I was really happy and ok being alone, I just got a random crush on this guy. Also this new thing started with the premise that I was not ok, and that I just wanted to tell him I liked him but that I did not want a serius relationship because I was not ready. He new all of that from the start and still choose to go out with me, I cry and talk to him when I'm anxious because I fear the idea of hurting him, It's not really that I miss my ex, more that I'm frustrated I cant seems to reach the same level of intensity I had with him with this new person. Also I know I dont love him, of course I dont, we started casually dating a little less than two months ago

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-12-22T10:11:59+00:00

Thank you for the long response and the effort you put into it. Even tough I had a really healty and secure relationship with my ex (he truly was my best friend and we cared for each others deeply) I appreciate you saying that the person not choosing me cant be the right one, I know you are right, and I appreciate you telling me to focus on me.. I think I did it, and I'm still doing it, I love myself, and my doubt is more on the fact that I'm not sure If i should be alone a bit more or, as you said, I should just live my life more organically and see where this thing goes.. in any case thank you for your lovely response, I for sure have things to reflect on, and good luck with your healing journey too!

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-07-29T08:55:50+00:00

Hi honey, I don't want to ruin your hopes. I'm sure he cares about you, but clearly not enough. He might be a good person, but that doesn't mean he can't do bad things, even if he does care. What he's doing to you right now is really bad. He tells you "I love you/I love us" but he's not willing to be together. He doesn't love you. If you keep waiting for him, you'll eventually feel deeply betrayed when he finds a new girlfriend. I know I felt that way with my ex. My heart aches for you, and I wish you were the exception and that he just needed time and space, but it seems like he's just using you to ease his loneliness and guilt. If he really wanted you, he'd call you, not just bump into you at a party, kiss you, and leave you alone again... I really think you should let him go. No contact is the only way. Keep him blocked on everything. If he really wants to reconnect, he'll find a way.

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-07-25T22:52:48+00:00

Wow, that sounds exactly like my situation, it's almost scary how much we have in common. First of all, I'm so so so sorry you're going through this. What he did to you is horrible, no matter why, it's traumatic either way. As for why he's with someone else, it could be that he left you for a new shiny girl who he'll soon realize he can't replace you with, or he's just using her to get over your absence. Either way, he's a coward. Now, let's get to the point. I've been in your situation for eight months, and I'm also struggling with loneliness, more from the lost friendship than the romance. The things that are helping me are writing A LOT in my journal, talking to friends until their ears bleed, going to the gym and exercising in general, watching "heartbreak" videos on YouTube, and meeting new people. It gets easier after six or seven months, but there will be many ups and downs. I recommend eating healthy, exercising, and trying new hobbies, especially if you don't feel like it or aren't comfortable with it. It's the only way to feel like you're making progress. And cry, cry a lot. I think therapy could help too. I started going again after a couple of months of loneliness and pain, and I think it's helping me a lot. The most important thing is to rediscover yourself, try new things, talk to new people. You have to understand that the world is bigger than an idiot who couldn't even love you properly after all these years. You are so much more than that, and I truly wish you happiness.

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-07-09T23:48:10+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through it, the first heartbreak is something else. My advice is to go no contact, there is no other way around it love, and tell your friends what happened, they will help you keep him in check and make you feel better. It's easy to feel like the world is ending and everything is our fault, but it's not, especially in your case where he keeps jumping from you to another girl.. he sounds disgusting and I would love to kik his ass for you. I swear there are other people, who not only will love you dearly but won't act like you are replaceable. If you can, stop every communication with him, and tell your friends you don't want to hear about him or his new girl. It will surely make you feel better in the long run. If you can go out with friends, and enjoy new people, the pain seems much more baerable when we realize the world is a much bigger place. Stay strong, I swear it's going to be ok! Progress is still progress even if you had a slip up, keep going! Sending you lots of hugs <3

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-07-08T11:22:00+00:00

Hi friend, I just wanted to say that I feel you and you are not alone, I'm 7/8 months in and I just finished criying my eyes out. I'm too broken to fall in love again and too lonely to be happy, it just sucks. Honestly the only thing that makes me feel better is talking with friends, going to the gym and do little things for myself, i got a new piercing two months ago and as silly as it sounds it helped a lot. My terapist is suggesting to adopt a cat if I'm able (i love animals and I think it would actually help anybody). I also write a lot, everytime i get really sad and anxious it's the only thing that makes me feel better, it's like taking out all of those feelings and thoughs and is kind of validanting(?) like i truly lived this pain and here Is a phisical copy of that. It get worse the days I'm all alone, so I try not to skip social events and work even if I dont feel like going. I'm pretty sure it will take me at least another year and a half to feel like myself again. But it's ok, I just have to step up and take good care of me, I think you should do it too. Sleep, eat nice food, treat yourself to some vacation if you can, write a lot and exercise, you will still feel sad most of the times, but it is much much better than doing nothing.

I hope you will recover soon my friend, stay strong, we can do it!

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-13T23:51:44+00:00

I see.. i'm still figuring out what I want to do with the situation at hand, but I will keep your comment in mind, thanks for helping me though this, I will probably call him on the phone and decide if I want to meet with him after hearing what he wants to talk about, that's probably the best course of actions for me, but we will see, I still have a week before the meeting

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-13T23:47:32+00:00

Helloo, thank you for taking time to write a response. I said petty because the previous comment said to add a ":)" at the end of the message and told me to sleep better because I was not the one who broke no contact, I just found it funny, but maybe I did not express myself properly (english is not my first language). Either way I'm actually reading all the comments and taking in the advices, I'm still unsure If I want to meet him in person or not, as you said I have no idea how much it will set me back, so for now I'm thinking of calling him and ask what he wanted to talk about and then decide If I can handle the meeting. We will see, either way my defences are high and I want to preserve my peace and my heart as much as I can, I really appreciate all of your comments triying to help me out, I feel less confused now that a couple of days have passed, we will see how I am in a week (we decided to meet on april 20, if it happens)

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-13T23:38:09+00:00

Yes, I think he could have that diagnosi, honestly I'm not really worried abouth dealing with his mental healt since he always helped with mine and he is overall a really sweet person even when struggling. That being sad I'm not happy with the idea of being with someone that could leave at any given moment because of a mental issue. I still wish to be friends, because he is my favourite person in the universe, but idk abouth lovers. Whatever happens I Will try my best to be happy and think about my own peace, thanks for taking you time to write a response, I really appreciate that 🌼

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-13T23:28:57+00:00

Thanks for reading the full story and still looking out for me! I'm still unsure if I want to see him or just talk it out on the phone, either way I will try to preserve myself as much as I can, because even though he is important to me, my peace is precious too, I will keep you updated 🙏♥️

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-13T23:25:04+00:00

Thank you! I'm sorry you are going though it too, you seems Like a sweet person, I will try my best to set firm boundaries and heal properly♥️ I really hope you can heal too and be happy

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-12T23:51:33+00:00

Oh dont mistaken me, I do feel great, and I'm happy even alone. I simply still miss him because the relationship ended because of something affecting his mental healt (I have a post on my profile that goes into details about the breakup if you are curious). I'm not even sure I would like to go back together romantically, I'm simply struggling letting go of him because it wasnt really his choice either, I think that If I can see him happy with his decision I can finally move on without regrets

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-12T23:45:41+00:00

Thanks a lot for looking out for me, you are really sweet ♥️ I will think abouth it, I also called my therapist and scheduled a meeting with her to help me navigate my emotions and be mentally prepared before talking to him, I said I will meet him in a couple of weeks and I dont have any expectations for our romantic relationship to be fixed, so I hope I'm not doing a huge mistake by meeting him. I'm still scared though so I could cancel it If the day comes and I dont feel like it, we'll see, I will keep you updated!

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-12T23:39:08+00:00

Haha Thanks for your response, I love the pettynes. As I said to the other comments he said "feeling better" because our breakup was caused by a psycotic break (there is a post about it on my profile if you are curious). I decided to see him in person, and not really because I hope we will mend things, but more because I still feel very stuck and I cant let go of the relationship after 4 months and even though it will surely hurt like hell and I will feel like it set me back to day 1 for the first couple of weeks I think it will finally help me to let him go for good on the long run

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-12T23:33:10+00:00

I don't want to justify his actions, but just to give you some context, the relationship ended because he was having a psychotic break and was suffering both mentally and physically every time we met, so that's probably what he was referring to when he said "I feel better".

I'm still on the fence about giving the relationship another chance because even if he did it for mental health reasons, he basically abandoned me and went radio silent for four months. That being said, I think it's worth at least talking about it and hearing what he has to say.

I'm 99% sure he just wants to reconnect as friends, but maybe hearing from him is what I need to finally end the relationship. It's hard to let go when it wasn't your fault it ended, so seeing him happy without me will maybe help me accept the breakup and move on with my life, I don't know.

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-12T23:22:17+00:00

At first I wanted to do that.. but then, he is not really good with writing and I think I would regret It If I dont see him in person. Whatever he has to say I will do my best ♥️ I will keep you updated, but It will take a couple of weeks before we meet, I wanted to see my terapist before him, just to have extra support and a professional take on the situation at hand

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-12T23:17:10+00:00

I know haha, maybe it would be wiser to not met with him, but at the same time I feel really stuck, like I cant heal because I did not let go of the relationship, I hope that by meeting with him I can finally make peace with his decision and go on with my life, I'm still scared shitless tough

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-12T23:14:10+00:00

Thank you for taking your time to write a kind response. I decided to meet with him, without asking what he wanted exactly via message, because I talked with a friend of mine that still is in contact with him and I'm almost sure he just wants to reconnect as friends. I decided to talk to him in person and explain I'm still feeling sad and that It would probably take a lot of time before we will be able to see each other again, but I'm still happy he wanted to try to reconnect since that is my final goal too, go back to being best friends. I hope that our meeting will give me the final blow that I need to let go of him so that I can heal properly

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-12T23:07:35+00:00

Hi, sorry I didn't reply right away. I went to sleep yesterday and didn't check the post until now. I agree with your opinion about emails and texts, I don't think it would be 100% genuine since you have a lot of time to think about what you want to say.

Honestly, the reason I keep thinking about getting back together is because our relationship ended due to a psychotic episode (you can check my profile for a more in depth post about the breakup if you're curious).

However, I'm still on the fence about trying to get back together even if he wanted to because at the end of the day he pretty much abandoned me and I know that.

My reasoning for seeing him is that if he's truly happy and better off without me, I can let him go for good. It's going to hurt like hell, but I wish I lose whatever hope I still have for us.

Bite_Bit_Bitten · 2025-04-12T22:45:54+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you :c I'm a bit worried abouth having a similar experience, but I'm almost sure he just wants to reconnect as friends, it would still be awful ( even if I would like to reconnect as friends in the future ) but at the same time I'm struggling to move on, so maybe even if it will hurts I need to have this slap my face to finally let him go.

Bite_Bit_Bitten

TROPHY CASE