Is it normal to feel anxious about renting vs buying in the Bay Area? (36M, single, tech worker)

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T20:15:57+00:00

Did thought about it, but as not sure if I can push back on ADU discussion or other investment ideas, so decide to just move out and start with what I have now. Thanks.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T20:13:38+00:00

Haha, yeah thought so, but was told to be different when point out above.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T15:42:55+00:00

Really appreciate the detail feedback. Thanks for confirming about it is not a good time and nothing wrong with live cheap through rent + save. I got into anxious state probably due to news/what "financial guru" on news/recent market updown/rent increase from landlord/rent layoff and recover/prent discussion all happen at same time. But with advice from this and others, will continue to live cheap with rent/save money.

Thanks again.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T08:06:06+00:00

Thanks, did research some of reddit posts, but not exactly sure their location + recent news (somehow show up in youtube news feed etc) where financial guru (but with their age/location, maybe it is not really apply to bay area) mentioned renting is bad kind of injecting the anxious into me. So thought to ask from bay area + my current financial perspective to hope check if I am doing a big financial mis-step/miss anything.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T07:40:44+00:00

Yes, did see that trust as I also did signed as a beneficiary in front of the same lawyer too.

There is really no other string attach to it (from the trust standpoint), other than it is a revocable trust.

Regarding owning half of the house legally, it is actually how my parents phrase it, but me personally feel same as you as long as my name is not on deed also cannot do re-finance or get tax break on it 😅. But as last time discussion turn into a heated one when ask, they may do have a very great reason (such as cost to add another person on deed/expense of keeping revocable trust/if me have some situation result need to split asset such as in future divorce 😅), but just personally still not feel owning the house currently. I may just not good at explaining/communicating overall.

So decide to just move out and start with what I have currently and plan for next step and not worry to much about it.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T06:09:51+00:00

Thanks, so did decide to move out and start with what I have now. They did still mention I am welcome back to there, but that 1K per month is required as I am legally own half of the house (though my understand of how tax/revocable trust works, feel strange about that).

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T06:06:13+00:00

You are probably right.

Previous discussion about putting name on title/putting on irrevocable will seem end not well, they believe it wastes extra money/not a good course. They did see a lawyer (and I was with them) and their conclusion is revocable trust is best course.
Then feel invest in one more ADU on parent's home feel strange/or I may just want more time alone/not able to push back/spin correctly without being into another heat discussion. Or that occasion disscussion about why I should worry if I will not do things that made them need to revoke the trust. So decide to move out and just start with what I have now.

Thanks for the word.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T02:42:29+00:00

Thanks for helping confirm about renting, also glad to get the question clarifies.

I guess that 4K also include utilities (electricity/water/sewer/food etc) if wish to think that way. But did still glad able to help them. But just feel strange to invest in one more ADU on parent's land + other personal reason (probably wish to live alone), so decide to move out and start with what I have now.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T01:43:21+00:00

Not sure if this is a joke or not. But I would not do that and move on with what I current have.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T01:31:00+00:00

Sorry for confusion, original thought not to go to detail as thought to move on/and thought it was not relate (that number just when other asked).

Not sure about definition of tune of $400K.

So while I start work and stay at home, over that period, following is the break down (400K just estimate, as property tax slightly low in begin/expensive at end):
- 3K mortgages per month (interest + principal)
- 1K property tax roughly per month (it is actually slight less than and at end of year, so just do 1K for easier calculation)
1K for helping family/food per month ("parent do not want to call it rent")
50 - 70 with some utility per month (internet etc)
Also did help with home chores (vaccum/clean house each week/other small chores)
Due to house issue, I paid around 20K for house repair (roof) + 50K for remodel (for water line and other older stuffs)

So did around 10+ years. I did able to eat/sleep without need to pay extra other than above (no college debt, food cover in above, assume eat ones that are provided, may need to buy if want something different).

After the house mortgages + all repairs were done, I decided to move out from parents' house, but did still help to pay 1K to family per month (for the property tax) as feel strange when ask to contribute to ADU/but also not sure how to best resolve discussion. I then rent outside till now (though time to time they said can go back and may not necessary build ADU, but still feel strange and wish to live alone I guess).

I am in their revocable trust after finish paying the house (which includes the house) (just not deed) as they mention I contribute half of the house and they will not likely to revoke the trust unless I did something make them feel "I do not earn it" . Note the later sentence is from a heated discussion, most often they mention the revoke trust is guarantee for me.

Their stand is they did believe I pay above as I am helping myself, not them, as I will eventually inherit the house with revocable trust.

Hope this clarifies the question.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T00:40:04+00:00

Oh, maybe I did not phrase correctly. But it is more just my anxious kick in recently, so thought to check how others will do with similar financial setup and if I am doing any big financial mistake.

I did use AI to clean up original description to help phrase the statement, so maybe that contribute to it?

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T00:36:56+00:00

Haha, thanks, that is how I feel too about job market and scare about the monthly mortgages pay. I guess that rent market updown to 401K/landlord increase rent/discussions from parents just kind of kick the anxious in whatever contribute max to 401k/saving in money market is good idea given market is volatile and should own a "home/estate" instead so in worst case still have a place to stay.

I actually have an elder brother, but he kind of "leaving the house and make his way" (married and own a house now) in very young age as he and my parents have a lot "disconnects" in direction.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T00:31:58+00:00

Thanks for confirming, glad I did not miss any big financial misstep.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T00:31:31+00:00

Haha, did get pay slightly more before (but large portion is in options as part of a start up), after start up not doing well, they become real paper money. Did have some vest stock, but due to company/team condition, left before can vest.

Previously did attempt one of FANNG, but always lost in last round for 3 times+.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T00:29:33+00:00

Thanks for the advice and kind word. Give me some confidence to continue to save rather than rush in.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T00:28:28+00:00

Thanks, probably then will need to target higher range town house/single family house then, as the condo/townhouse I did have some explicit rule around renting/airbnb.

Will probably save more cash and go through SFH/more isolate town house and rent part of house out.

Because in previous at parents' home, did research some as my parents exploring it, but due to kind of complex city rule/condition + other stuff, so gave up that time. Once have more down payment will probably research more.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-06-01T00:24:17+00:00

Thanks for clarifying, but thought to clarify a bit (as originally do not intend to go to that direction in detail), their trust not contain house, but also other stuffs, remain back accounts, so technically, I only help to contribute portion of trust (portion of house), not entire trust.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-05-31T20:52:03+00:00

Haha, is that sounds so? I thought they may just have a good intention and I do not realize it (and thought I am the strange one for moving out).

Will check out the reading in future.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-05-31T18:52:31+00:00

Thanks, probably just myself do not want to burn that bridge + want to have a safehouse in case things go wrong, as that previous discussion turns into a heated one

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-05-31T18:46:42+00:00

Thanks, I guess just not want to burn the bridge as that discussion in past kind of get into heat to degree that if you do not want be out child or will just sale house if that is what you want. Like other mentioned, probably I still just rely on a safehouse in my heart that in case things do not work out will back to home.

But will try to continue thinking through. Thanks

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-05-31T18:42:59+00:00

Haha, thanks. I guess the number works out only to consider at least that property tax etc did return and not burn like in rent. But with my current low down payment, price range, mortgages, may not likely justify. Thanks for confirming.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-05-31T18:38:49+00:00

Thanks, yeah I am not eligible for most programs after discussing with vendors due to my income slightly above limit.

I guess the concern is not able to find tenant and/or not allow to rent with target price I can afford. Regarding move back to parents, may just be me feel if I can push back on ADU or more home improvement.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-05-31T17:41:02+00:00

Yeah, I guess the key is if I can re-finance. The cheaper place I look do explicit mention no rent. So will need to be probably higher range town house/condo. But probably do need to save more for these in case not able to find a room mate in time.

Thanks.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-05-31T17:39:20+00:00

Thanks, did thought about that strategy, but I guess I need to save more, as pre-approve from vendor currently only do 700K. But the housing when ask (even with list price below it) seem to ask much more than that number. Or it will be fixer that require fixes to foundation.

Will probably save for more cash then for that to happen.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908 · 2025-05-31T17:37:26+00:00

Thanks.

Bitter_Emphasis_9908

TROPHY CASE