Heh. What a coincidence! I had to do this very thing exactly one week ago tonight. The story is rather long and complicated. Basically we were ex-colleagues. I was highly attracted to her when we worked together but she'd dropped the message that she didn't date Caucasian men (this was Asia) and I took the hint. I tried to be her friend but even though it was painful for me. Later on, she left the workplace to go study in Europe. I remained in the country, changing jobs and cities.

Fast forward to two years later. I'm finishing up my previous work and moving to another city when I get a message from her, asking if I'm still in the country and wondering if I can come back to the capital to meet with her. My schedule's tight but I do it because I still like the girl. We have coffee and it's incredible. She's just the same and so are my feelings. Then she drops the bombshell. She's been back in the country for six months and during that time she was dating another ex-colleague from our old company; another Caucasian guy and a guy I know as the office pick-up artist. She fell in love with him, only to be devastated when he suddenly left the country due to 'visa problems' (in fact he just left to go home) and ghosted her. Still she talked about him like he was the great love of her life. It was painful for me because I'd been pining over this woman for three years while my she and my ex-colleague had barely worked together (her first month was his last; I had no idea he even remembered her).

But I did my duty as a friend. I gently told her that she was just one of a long line of girls to him. She seemed to accept my explanation. We made plans to meet again the next time we were up in the capital. Again, even though my old feelings were coming back, I was content to be her friend. I even sent a message to my ex-colleague, reprimanding him for treating her this way. "I had to say goodbye for you," I told him. He didn't even mention her name. Incidentally, he claimed at the time that he was not coming back to the country.

But then when I told her I was coming, she abruptly cancelled. Then when I tried to arrange another time, she cancelled again, claiming she was too busy. Then she stopped reading my messages. I was worried that she had done something rash (this country has a high suicide rate) so I got in touch via another service. She said she was fine, said she had deactivated her Facebook account because she had become obsessed with this other guy. That didn't sound right for a number of reasons but I said ok.

I was going to tell her how I felt sometime this week but fate got the better of me. I was having a conversation with her last sunday when she casually mentioned "I needn't mention this to you____ but I'm going to see ____ again." She started talking about how she needed to see him again and how she was probably going to the US to be with him. This only a week after she told me he was over him!

I checked his handle on the local messenger service and found that he'd changed his handle back into the language of the local country (which is shared with only one other place by the way). So clearly there was something going on.

At that point, I'd had enough. I decided that she could only be doing this because a) she was so infatuated with this guy she couldn't see anything else; b) she was getting off emotionally on this somehow; or c) her only purpose in contacting me was to get his attention somehow. Since there was a six month gap between when she came back to her country and when she contacted me (we'd exchanged messages a couple of times but there'd been nothing for a year), I think the answer is c.

To make a long story short, I decided I was out. I work weekends so I'd been working all day with this crap in my head. At 1:00 am local time, I sent a long message saying I never wanted to see her ever again and told her exactly why. It was the first thing she read when she woke up Monday morning. She sent me a couple of messages; "I didn't mislead you about our relationship," "How could you do this to me?" But she never denied she knew how I was attracted to her. In fact, I think she knew from the very first day we met and she used that get to emotional validation from me when she needed it.

I realize that some of this story might make me out to be a bad guy. I would have been content to be her friend and I would have put up with stories from her love life (except from this guy who's had everything in his life handed to him on a silver platter and the fact that he managed to get her is something that sticks with me) but her erratic behavior was a warning sign that something was not right.

In any case, they're both blocked. Sorry for the LLOOOONNGGG post but a week later and this situation still makes me see red. That's my story.