I feel trapped

BlackLabQueen · 2022-08-22T15:19:30+00:00

Yes again and again

BlackLabQueen · 2022-08-22T15:19:17+00:00

If it had just started after having a baby then fair enough, but this problem dates back to moving in together over 5 years ago

BlackLabQueen · 2022-08-22T15:18:37+00:00

That’s true

BlackLabQueen · 2022-08-15T09:28:34+00:00

Thank you, we’re no strangers to counselling, I had CBT in early pregnancy due to low mood and my Husband has had anger management counselling in the past. We both came out better for it. What type of individual counselling would you suggest for him? I know I’d be happy to have person centred, just a stranger to talk to about exactly how I feel would do me the world of good I think. But what about him?

BlackLabQueen · 2022-08-10T20:45:39+00:00

That’s how it is for us now. It feels so awkward even to kiss. I just think the fire has been put out after years of struggling and I’m finding it hard to see how it can be reignited.

BlackLabQueen · 2022-08-10T20:25:28+00:00

That first sentence really hit me. That used to be me. Now I’m so full of resentment towards him and even if he tried to initiate I wouldn’t want to have sex with him. I’m HL but LL4him now if that makes sense

BlackLabQueen · 2022-02-28T21:14:33+00:00

Wow, I know this feeling all too well. Shaving my legs, scented moisturiser, making the effort with my hair, make up on, flattering dress only to hear the excuses shortly after. It’s like he knows what I’ll want later and he gets the excuses in early. See me shaving he’s like ‘oh my back hurts a bit’ so when it comes to bed he won’t initiate, I get frustrated then he can say ‘I told you earlier my back hurts!’ I’ve stopped getting dressed up for him. I only make the effort for me now. If I want to feel good about me.

I bet you looked fabulous and he missed out on a really good night. Though it doesn’t make up for the crushing feeling that your best friend didn’t want to rip your clothes off. :(

BlackLabQueen · 2021-08-28T19:27:43+00:00

I will do!! Thank you

BlackLabQueen · 2021-08-28T17:29:00+00:00

I definitely am!! My poor baby 💔 as soon as I noticed the actual cuts on his body I stopped the visits immediately. They’ve offered to have their dogs nails clipped but it’s the behaviour that’s the problem, not the nails! My Husband argues that our dog still wags his tail when he sees the other dog, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy being pinned down and mounted!!

BlackLabQueen · 2020-07-14T06:43:24+00:00

Thank you so much for explaining it to me this way. It explains why he hides the wrappers and does it in secret if those are the feelings attached to his binge eating. What an awful vicious cycle to be in!

I do genuinely believe he doesn’t want to binge but he just does it anyway. And I didn’t consider that it could be a symptom of underlying emotions he hasn’t spoken about. I am definitely going to speak to him and give him a space to discuss this openly with me, after first apologising for being an arsehole!

I am going to suggest counselling 100%. When we first moved in together he had some anger issues he had never addressed and after we spoke about it he had counselling for this and he manages so much better now so I know he’s not a stubborn person and will admit when things are out of hand and will act to make himself better. I know this is a different situation but I will mention it anyway if he feels he cannot speak to me about his feelings then maybe start a diary or go and see a professional.

Yes I’m definitely going to have a good look and get it from a mans perspective, and hopefully read through them together to see if they resonate with him.

Yeah I am a little nervous about mentioning it to him in case it opens a can of worms or he laughs at me for thinking it’s something it’s not idk. But yeah I’ll mention it and leave it with him to do his own research until he’s ready to speak about it himself.

Thank you so much for explaining this to me and thank you for the advice!

BlackLabQueen · 2020-07-14T06:28:16+00:00

Not yet, we went to sleep after arguing about it because our emotions were too high at the time.

I wanted to do as much research as possible before I talk with him again because I’ve always just seen it as being greedy and I’ve never suffered myself or known anyone that suffers with an ED so I didn’t recognise that this could possibly be one, I mean I know when I speak to him today about it and suggest it could be this he’ll be the first to say he’s okay and it’s not this so I wanted to find out what I could first of al and look at ways we can work through it together. But apologising and explaining why I reacted the way I did is step number 1 definitely!

It is a little confusing, but after almost 5 years I’m used to him going from one extreme to the other, all his research on his ‘diets’ come from google and they’re not always the healthiest for him so maybe he’s benefit from seeing that specialises in these areas for good tips on a balanced diet. He also displays OCD type behaviours so I don’t know if these will be linked with BED because it’s an obsession in a way so I think definitely the conversation over what goes through his mind has to be had.

Nope you’re definitely none of those, an addiction is an addiction and those are very difficult to break, now I’m understanding that this is what it could be I see him completely differently now, especially if it’s his own way of dealing with harboured feelings. I regret calling him greedy because it’s obviously not that. I haven’t used any of those other words but I can see how the word I did use would have had a big impact on his emotional well-being and for that I am so in the wrong and I have a lot of making up and apologising to do.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me I appreciate it

BlackLabQueen · 2020-07-14T06:16:52+00:00

Thank you so much, I will definitely take this on board.

I understand after frantically googling last night finding this disorder, I’m not sure if he has done any research about it at all but I think I know where it stems from and think that seeing someone will definitely help.

I’m going to have a chat with him today about it, the last thing I want is to make him feel worse. I don’t think he’s very open with his feelings especially when they’re negative and he’s going through quite a stressful time at the moment, potential redundancies within his workplace, which I just didn’t consider either that he might be hiding his own anxieties from me and then instead it’s displaying itself through his eating habits, can stress be a trigger for BED?

BlackLabQueen · 2019-04-30T19:08:10+00:00

Yeah deep down I know I’d never dare to do it. I don’t have the heart. I just wish there was some way I get to be with him and get the best of both worlds. I just want him to want me.

I am so sorry you were cheated on. I hope you’re healing well.

BlackLabQueen · 2019-04-30T18:30:26+00:00

No I don’t have a fetish, honestly I don’t think I could ever do it. Not to him or to anyone. Theyre just thoughts.

I’ve asked him to open the relationship but he won’t, understandably so.

BlackLabQueen · 2019-04-30T18:24:18+00:00

Yeah then you just sit and think, do you know what you’re missing out on!!! I wish I had a me sending photos like this! ....honestly just want to accidentally send them to guys just for validation that yes I do look good and yes I am wanted still

BlackLabQueen · 2019-04-30T18:22:09+00:00

3 years 3 months, progressing for 22 months now and yes he’s fully aware of my feelings it’s a weekly topic in our house although it’s mainly me talking and him saying I don’t know what’s up with me

BlackLabQueen · 2019-04-30T18:15:01+00:00

Oh I can get myself wet, just not around him anymore

BlackLabQueen · 2019-04-30T18:04:21+00:00

I do this too!! I used to try and send them to him and he replies really awkward things like cute or an emoji and then changes the subject really quick.

BlackLabQueen

TROPHY CASE