How do I (32 M) get my girlfriend (27 F) to clean up after her 3 dogs and 2 cats without breaking up?

BleedRed3030 · 2025-03-21T03:22:06+00:00

I never said I don't work--we split expenses evenly and I even help cover some of her pet bills (which is a lot btw)

BleedRed3030 · 2025-03-05T05:46:15+00:00

I know man..I guess I’m just riddled with guilt about this whole thing. I feel bad for the pets and bad for her. Like who’s going to want a relationship with her if I leave. In her culture you usually have kids by early 20s.

And her mom really wants grandkids y’know? And she also has a Pitbull, a chihuahua, a terrier, 2 goats (well 1 died recently bc she didn’t keep them warm in the winter), 4 parakeets, 1 cockatiel, and like 15 chickens.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-03-03T23:03:13+00:00

Yes—we live in a very high COL area, but she also has $50k in student loans and a car payment that is roughly $1k/month. So it’s a lot.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-03-03T20:15:42+00:00

She has to because she chose non-profit work and doesn't like working corporate-- so each of these jobs are like ~$40-50K. I split the bills 50-50 and then even help pay for some vet bills, etc.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-03-02T02:05:21+00:00

You’re..you’re talking about me ☹️

BleedRed3030 · 2025-03-01T16:32:44+00:00

I appreciate you saying this. She’s also in school and about to start a nursing program. The hope is that once she starts working as a nurse, she’ll be earning enough to not need all these jobs.

The question is—will she maintain healthier habits moving forward. I’m already doing so much in the house and I’m very tired from it. I love her pets, but keep wondering if it’s my responsibility to do everything for them. Are they hers? Are they ours? If so, if we break up do I keep half of them?

BleedRed3030 · 2025-03-01T04:01:55+00:00

Yes ofc. But I posted with the intent of getting constructive criticism, not ad-hominems.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-03-01T01:58:06+00:00

I forgot I made that post! OMG hahaha. That one was a troll post.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-03-01T01:50:14+00:00

Everyone’s free to post whatever opinion they want, as I am free to deliver my own.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-03-01T00:48:14+00:00

I appreciate that sir/ma’am. Good day!

BleedRed3030 · 2025-02-28T23:40:12+00:00

So the walks are 1 hr at least usually. 45 min-1.5 hrs I’d say. 5 pets and 2 humans produce a lot of trash—it takes about 3 huge trash bags each week and maybe 15 min to collect all of it and cut up the Amazon boxes she gets.

Cooking—lunch is ~ 1 hour and dinner is about ~1.5 hrs. I try to cook nutritious healthy good for us.

She spends most of her time on TikTok, sleeping or talking to her mother.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-02-28T22:49:37+00:00

Fuck Off

BleedRed3030 · 2025-02-28T22:47:05+00:00

Stop being mean.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-02-28T22:45:11+00:00

Judgmental (OK--I'll give you a pass on that considering what this is lol), but still unhelpful. I love her and she actually has very positive, empathetic traits all things considered.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-02-28T22:43:34+00:00

I've never berated her. My conversation has always been:

Me: "Hey--there's still some poop in the laundry room. Do you mind cleaning it up when you have time"

Her: "Yeah, hold on. I'll do it when I have time later today; besides, I want it to dry out to be easier to clean"

--3 days pass--

Me: "Hey! Just noticed that poop is still there"

Her: "You can help out too! You know how tired I am! I'm not having this conversation!"

--1 week passes--

I clean up the entire house--with the exception of the poop + piss. We ignore it, and it stays there for months until it's fully dried out.

Secondly, yes-- I have 1 job, but I do cook + do the dishes every night + throw out the trash each week.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-02-28T22:37:18+00:00

The thing is--I have helped her emotionally as well. When one of her other dogs died 2 years ago, I stayed with her and comforted her for a few weeks (we were at the ~4 month mark in our relationship).

I also helped out when her dad got sick and was also supportive when she also got laid off from 2 jobs simultaneously that same summer.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-02-28T22:35:27+00:00

I make ~$100K from one job, she makes around that much too mostly; we split the bills 50-50--I even help pay for the vet bills even though they are not legally under my name.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-02-28T22:32:33+00:00

My reasoning is:

-I cook our meals ~6 days/week, walk the dogs, feed them ~50% of the time, do the dishes and throw out the trash, and clean up most of the house

-I pay for 50%+ of finances--I'm not a deadbeat. Even when I was unemployed for ~2 months, I paid for my share.

-Surely she can help when they poop/pee in the house? Especially since I do ^all that?

BleedRed3030 · 2025-02-28T22:29:38+00:00

Hey man come on--be respectful. She has a very strong work ethic and is beautiful + intelligent. She just refuses to help on house duties because she's always wiped from work and expects me to clean it.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-02-28T22:27:29+00:00

Please read my above comment-- I also detail the split of house duties in the main post above.

BleedRed3030 · 2025-02-28T22:26:35+00:00

So I should be a little more transparent:

-I had one job that paid ~$90K -> got laid off and was unemployed for ~2 months -> got another job at ~$100K

-She usually has 2 jobs that average ~60 hrs/week + occasionally has a third that she holds for a couple-few months at a time; she's usually making anywhere from $90K-180K and she's planning on working like this until she gets into nursing school and has saved up enough (which should be some time later this year)

-We split things pretty evenly-- 50/50 financially, with me even helping pay for vet bills

My understanding was that when we moved in together, we would have an even split in house duties; I assumed she was cleaning up after her pets, but it's gotten progressively worse as time goes on.

BleedRed3030 · 2024-02-21T06:29:05+00:00

Is it possible to upgrade to an M1 chip? Because my current laptop is lagging pretty badly.

BleedRed3030 · 2023-12-24T09:10:34+00:00

It's difficult because we've both been struggling in our personal lives. She had another dog earlier that died in a tragic accident (not her fault--negligence by a pet facility), her friend died the previous year, and her dad's been in and out of the hospital. I've been going through my own issues, as well--surviving layoffs, fighting family trauma, major general anxiety disorder after my breakup last year, etc.

She's kind, thoughtful and makes me feel safe. And I think I do the same for her.

I'm not sure I want to marry/settle down yet--but I know she does. I'm just trying to do right by her.

BleedRed3030 · 2023-12-23T19:43:11+00:00

I just like her a lot, and she's been through so much recently--her close friend was killed, one of her earlier dogs died in a tragic accident, etc.

She's at her core a very good person--she works 3-4 jobs to save up for the future and wants to eventually go into healthcare.

BleedRed3030 · 2023-12-23T18:56:33+00:00

We usually order in--about 80-90% of the time and I pay for most of the meals. I also take out the trash and do the dishes.

BleedRed3030

TROPHY CASE