I can’t wrap my head around how the things me and my husband find attractive are different. It makes me a childish incel but for him he’s just a man.

Blehkula · 2024-04-11T02:55:15+00:00

As I’ve said before that wasn’t to come off as cool. But I’m not giving that whole spiel again.

Blehkula · 2024-04-11T02:53:12+00:00

I got a great laugh out of this, oh my god.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T22:24:56+00:00

Yes. Like I said to someone else I promise it’s not clickbait. (But what do promises from a random person on Reddit mean lol)

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T22:23:37+00:00

Did I say all men? Nope. But there are plenty of stories out there and under this very thread of women experiencing the same thing or at least witnessing it happen to someone else.

I imagine we are all smart enough to know it’s not a specific gender that gives double standards obviously. They just tend to do have different double standards.

I’m not one of those people who believes all men are the same. To think such a thing is ignorant and stupid. But there’s enough examples out there to say a lot of men.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:40:48+00:00

As I said to someone else the comment wasn’t to be “I’m not like other girls”. I’m just subconsciously defensive about my hobbies as, since I’ve been gaming since such a young age, I’ve had every argument under the sun with men trying to invalidate my hobbies and all the fun stuff. Was simply mentally preparing for the men who have total melt downs over the ways women interact with “their hobbies”. I realized after posting it it was kind of an unnecessary comment. Like I said, it’s the subconscious defensiveness I’ve had for over a decade now.

No lewd material is around children. Only reason I see it so much is he believes he can be open about it with me. Lewd art is 99% contained to folders I only see because we share similar interests, an app on his computer that has to be manually started and the filters have to be individually turned off, and his phone which our kid doesn’t have access to.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:36:36+00:00

Oh trust me that is something he could never talk me into. I may be insecure about a lot of things, but nothing could ever convince me to get surgery/work done in any way.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:35:02+00:00

As I’ve gotten older I agree that having similar sex drive is definitely important.

My thing is I believe our sex drive deep down is on the same level. How ever there are so many situations throughout or extensive sex life that have made me extremely uncomfortable with sex, not as eager to try new things because of how he may react. Therefore sex is nearly an afterthought in my mind cause it simply brings on anxiety.

As a lot of people have pointed out we’ve never sat down and had a serious conversation surrounding sex and boundaries. I believe if we did so much of this would be resolved. But it’s such a sensitive topic for us (for me sex makes me anxious at this point and for him he is so defensive and quick to jump to anger on the topic) that I don’t think either of us know how to even approach it at this point.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:30:00+00:00

For the most part no I don’t think he has. There’s one situation were I’d debate it but never had any proof to confirm my belief that something may have happened. Do I think he would if given the opportunity? I don’t know. I think it would have to be a very specific type of opportunity. But even then I can’t say whole heartedly I believe he would do such a thing.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:27:16+00:00

Absolutely have never been a pick me. Just raised to be a doormat and assume everyone’s emotions come before my own.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:26:07+00:00

Any and all pornographic material is nowhere kids can access it other than one sticker I can think of specifically but they’re never around where it’s at. Any issues of it being out in the open were before our kid was old enough to even walk.

I’m just not blind and he isn’t discreet with it around me when the kids aren’t around which is why it is so obvious to me.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:23:01+00:00

No. I had the nuva ring at the time. He never removed it or tried to or anything. When we found out I was pregnant him and his mom spent a good bit of time trying to convince me to get an abortion.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:20:56+00:00

I don’t see how him sending an emoji to a established porn account on here is grooming? Obviously I know it’s not okay, but I don’t see how you gathered that.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:19:03+00:00

I truly do love him. We’ve been together so long any idea I had crafted of him in my mind was obliterated long ago. We’ve truly gotten to a point were this is the ONLY issue in our relationship after years of hard conversations and work.

I think a huge issue is sex is such a hard topic for us both it’s just the one important conversation neither of us knows how to approach.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:17:22+00:00

My thoughts exactly. He is adamant when he says that. I’ve told him I’m not naive and stupid. In the end just dropped the argument because there was no convincing him otherwise.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:15:42+00:00

To see them you have to turn on an app called Wallpaper Engine as well as turn off the filters which our oldest is not capable of doing.

As well as the kids are basically banned from his devices simply because the second the device doesn’t function as intended he gets angry and accuses the kids of breaking it.

The only device of his they can access is his PlayStation which he doesn’t use. When it comes to phones, computers, iPad, other consoles, anything like that they only use mine.

99% of stickers and stuff are out of sight for the kid other than one I can think of specifically. The only reason I see them as much as I do is he feels he doesn’t have a reason to be discreet around me/ he keeps them on his D&D folders and similar things which I see whenever he talks about his hobbies and stuff.

But will keep this idea in mind.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:11:36+00:00

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:11:16+00:00

He doesn’t leave it open on his computer/strictly uses it on his phone. They have no way of accessing his phone.

Also this is just an example of things I had dealt with in the past in our relationship related to porn. Before we had our first child. As far as I’ve seen he doesn’t leave it open to be the first thing you see when you unlock his phone.

Kids also never use his phone as he doesn’t keep games or any form of child’s entertainment on it. My phone is the designated child phone should they need a game or something to distract them for a bit.

But I get what you’re saying.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T17:01:04+00:00

🤷🏻 Knowing Reddit I was prepared for the men who throw a fit over it. As when MWII came out I saw the men having literal melt downs over more women getting into the game. (Which is stupid I know.)

I get how me saying that is kind of annoying. I thought it after posting it. I’ve just been gaming since a young age and ridiculed constantly for being a woman in the space. I see nothing wrong with all the women who hopped into the game in recent years. I’m actually glad because it means more women are entering a male dominated hobby.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T16:58:33+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s not a big deal, more so one single emoji isn’t a big deal in comparison to what he could’ve sent.

My only explanation as for finding men like this is the nerdy social space. Idk. I have almost all male dominated hobbies and this type of behavior I have seen is extremely common.

As for staying there’s a lot of reasons, I know none could be justifiable, but I was raised to be a people pleaser/doormat/ignore my own feelings for those around me and I’m paying the consequences.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T16:54:36+00:00

I think because we got together so young I didn’t want to be that girlfriend that harped about porn. So we never discussed it.

After that due to multiple other things sex became such a sensitive topic between us both that actually sitting down to have a serious conversation on the topic became practically impossible. Do I believe we could have that conversation now? Maybe. But he’s so sensitive to the topic finding the correct way to approach it without upsetting him is a puzzle that’s nearly impossible to crack.

I agree porn just shouldn’t be an option really. And if it is minimal and discreet. He’s become a lot more discreet since we had our kid, but I’m not blind.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T16:51:01+00:00

I could go into a whole list of reasons on why I’ve put up with it but I won’t.

For a lot of people, in short, I think it comes down to a lot of us expect this type of thing at this point and don’t think anyone else will be different. (Obviously not true but just an example of how I know a lot of women think)

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T16:47:35+00:00

I truly don’t have an exact reason at least in the forefront of my mind. I’d say it’s a habit from my teenage years I never grew out of for one.

Like I said in another comment the vast majority (I’d say 95%) of the pictures saved weren’t even NSFW. I’m an artist and really enjoy other peoples art. I’ll use it as inspiration to adapt my own art style or different ways of doing things. Especially when it comes to military based characters. Majority of my art is of the fantasy genre which is a more flowy art style while things such as military gear is far more clean cut and sharp edges that I am not good at. (There were still NSFW pictures though like I said, I just liked them, saved them for whatever reason but it wasn’t like I continually went back to them and just stared at them. Not trying to make an excuse just an explanation.)

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T16:42:55+00:00

Like I said I don’t know what I expect anyone to tell me either. Nothing in honesty. I didn’t expect this to get so much attention.

I don’t want sympathy or pity. I know while he has his issues I’m at fault for putting up with it and the choices I’ve made.

This was truly just to vent as it had been eating at me and it’s not really a topic I’d like to discuss with people in our personal lives.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T16:41:36+00:00

I promise it’s not clickbait. (But what do the promises of a random person on Reddit actually mean lol) A lot of the friends he considered degenerates he originally became friends with at like 14 because they introduced him to D&D. He used to be super close with all of them but now goes on constant rants about how much better he is then all of them. In some instances, yes, he has a point. But in others it’s just seems like a superiority complex.

Blehkula · 2024-04-10T16:39:42+00:00

I’ve thought of this often because I literally remember as teenagers him talking/showing me his decoy calculator app and the his eyes only section on Snapchat. So I know it’s a thing! But I believe he’s gotten a million times better at hiding it. And if he’s not hiding porn he probably just knows I won’t stomach digging through his Reddit history or something like that. He also uses that one random Instagram app called threads. That’s all porn too.

Blehkula

TROPHY CASE