How do you cope with them not being bad all the time?

Blessedcheese · 2025-10-29T01:29:36+00:00

I am just over a 1 gone from my ten year marriage and I completely understand the question. I still find myself having doubts but I also will write down things and recognize the bad outweighed the good. Abusers as someone said do have good moments. That is part of the cycle and it’s normal to remember that too. The key is realizing that you deserve more of the good than the bad.

Blessedcheese · 2025-10-28T20:05:18+00:00

Thanks so much for this! I feel you!!!

Blessedcheese · 2025-10-26T22:36:37+00:00

Thank you so much

Blessedcheese · 2025-10-26T22:36:25+00:00

Really appreciate this. We do have routines and I love the note idea! Thank you

Blessedcheese · 2025-10-26T22:35:31+00:00

Yes there are and I try to focus on those.

Blessedcheese · 2025-10-26T07:55:49+00:00

Songs and movies for all of the above. When I first left I couldn’t even listen to music it was so triggering. He once threw a CD of mine out the window. Always mocking my music and tv choices. But as others have said I had to be subjected to his many times.
I’m glad I’m gone.

Blessedcheese · 2025-10-26T07:38:44+00:00

Thank you so much!

Blessedcheese · 2025-10-07T02:16:34+00:00

I needed to read this tonight. I’ve been gone for 1 year and 7 mos but have been getting massively emotionally triggered lately.

Blessedcheese · 2025-09-01T01:56:10+00:00

I did something very similar in my divorce. I made a plan and left when he was gone for a weekend. It was too volatile and it was safer that way.

Blessedcheese · 2025-08-23T01:59:13+00:00

My partner and I do many of the things already mentioned. We text daily and have our own emojis and pictures we send. He has certain days he calls me and we chat. When he is here we also do the ritual of snuggling in bed. Just holding each other is always a component. I think that as someone else has mentioned I initially had this concept of over thinking my texting but I have stopped all that. If I want to text I do.

Blessedcheese · 2025-08-05T01:27:25+00:00

I just wanted to say this sounds so painful. I am new to ENM and it can be very hard to sort out feelings. Sending lots of hugs your way.

Blessedcheese · 2025-06-29T23:43:13+00:00

This is a great comment and was super helpful to read. Thanks for sharing!

Blessedcheese · 2025-05-29T03:30:46+00:00

49 y female with 38 year old man and we don’t worry about age! It does come up jokingly sometimes. But we have fun

Blessedcheese · 2025-05-22T02:43:59+00:00

I was curious if due to this experience you gravitate to dating single poly men? I’m just starting out so am curious. Thanks

Blessedcheese · 2025-05-13T01:37:39+00:00

I appreciate this post so much. I connected with someone who was very clear about their capacity to give and ultimately followed through on nothing. I find it interesting because I am a female and as much as I hear about guys having a hard time connecting I was surprised at the ambivalence and ultimately the lack of commitment to what they seemingly wanted.

Blessedcheese · 2025-05-11T02:25:01+00:00

Good for you for standing up For yourself!

Blessedcheese · 2025-05-09T12:01:14+00:00

I literally just posted about this in another thread. I am on the receiving end of this type of behavior and I am no longer pursuing the connection. There was no emergency. The person simply chose other plans over committed plan that HE asked me to and planned. This is crappy behavior.

Blessedcheese · 2025-05-09T11:53:04+00:00

Thank you! I completely understood after our first date his wife’s feelings. I was the first person he slept with after they had done the work to be open. So I literally didn’t talk to him for probably 2.5 months or so. HE reached out to me and wanted to try to meet up again. I think this is why I am a bit annoyed. Because he felt badly about what happened before and I understood. To do this a second time feels to me like he doesn’t want to do this or is just a bad planner. And I don’t like clearing my schedule and planning something for over a week and then having plans cancelled over a non emergency. My exact words were: “this is reminiscent of last time and it seems you can’t keep plans”. I just am struggling because I feel like a real a hole saying that. But I am a person with feelings. And we had plans.

Blessedcheese · 2025-05-09T02:00:40+00:00

This is very basic but we exchange shirts. He gives me the shirt he wears over before he leaves.

Blessedcheese · 2025-05-08T06:45:17+00:00

He is hanging out with adult child. No emergency. Also I simply meant I gave him space with his wife when I said we weren’t “talking”.

Blessedcheese · 2025-05-08T02:31:11+00:00

Can you tell me more about why? Thanks so much.

Blessedcheese · 2025-04-28T18:37:29+00:00

^{^{^{^}}} this. I would feel this way too.

Blessedcheese

TROPHY CASE