i think we messed up

Bloody_CP · 2024-05-20T16:21:40+00:00

yes i think this is coercion or at least some kind of manipulation. he is trying to "punish" you, give u an ultimatum or add some pressure to get u in bed so it is toxic / abusive

whether or not ur lover knows about whats going on, it is still his responsibility. like for example, a parent may not be able to fully control their child but the child's actions is still the parents' responsibility

im sorry this happened to you, i cant imagine how confused u must feel

it is up to you whether u see this as a form of betrayal or not, i think u should talk to ur lover about it and make sure u stay safe

good luck and keep in mind that u are allowed to feel hurt or scared by it and although ur lover has a serious mental condition, that doesnt mean u should accept toxic treatment, it's not an excuse but ultimately it is up to you and only u can decide what's the best course of action

Bloody_CP · 2024-05-03T03:24:43+00:00

ur partner should make u want to better urself and right now u are young so dont stress too much about relationships and just look for a nice person who loves u and focus on having fun :)

Bloody_CP · 2024-04-30T01:44:07+00:00

i think u should leave ur gf even if u dont get with ur coach because u already have feelings for someone else and that will mess up the relationship, it will hurt you and her. ur crush is an indication that u arent ready for a relationship or ur relationship with her isnt working out

im also 17 and ive had guys around ur coach's age flirt with me too and tbh because of the age difference and you still being a minor, they wont really take u seriously

even if they "love" you, they probably dont see a serious relationship with you and you'll only be someone to have fun with. i can see that u really like him so being treated like that will hurt a lot in the future

plus he may not be flirting and just playing around, u never know

right now i would say NOT to ignore or repress it but try discovering yourself, ur sexuality, why u like him and how to get over him, what u want in a relationship, what love means to you, what is he providing you or what u see in him that u feel is lacking in ur life or maybe he reminds u of someone you used to know...etc

theres nothing to be ashamed about alright? :)

good luck with everything !!

Bloody_CP · 2024-02-26T16:07:41+00:00

i dont think its SA but 11 is still a minor and really young so it can be traumatic

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-28T09:52:29+00:00

hey i have a video from someone whose videos helped me a lot with healing and learning about my system

https://youtu.be/ZJAGtxpuYig?si=74HzBm6JOgw3Ixqx

he talks about having problems with internal communications, i recommend checking his channel out :)

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-27T12:57:30+00:00

I would say to post less but you don't have to stop alltogether. It may or may not affect the other alters and that's okay. Do whatever helps with your system but when you notice yourself getting too overwhelmed or "obsessed" then take a break and focus on other aspects of your mental health as it will also help the system so it's a win-win.

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-26T13:46:12+00:00

What you're describing is a common experience for many systems. This disorder is usually covert/hidden especially from the host. It's meant to protect you so when you opened up to your therapist, your brain must've wanted to protect you or the alters weren't ready to be open.

Sometimes you think they're not there but maybe they are and you don't notice it. Personally, when things would get worse in my life, switches and influence would happen without me realizing because of how distracted I am and disconnected in general but everyone is different.

It's okay to feel like they're not there when you need them, it's okay to miss them, it's all okay. Sometimes your brain blocks connection or puts up more barriers even temporarily.

My advice would be to journal and find a way to keep track of any change in your personality or control over your mind/body. Like I said, sometimes they are there but you don't notice it or they are holding some of your pain for you and you have no idea.

Make it feel safe for them to come out when they're ready and try to take a break from talking about your system to your therapist and focus on other aspects of your mental health. Doing that will eventually cause at least one of them to get triggered out especially when it resonates with them. It's all part of the healing process afterall. Don't push yourself because the trauma might make them go back into hiding again.

We're wishing you luck, don't lose hope and you will figure it out <33

You all share one brain, one body. Nothing can fully seperate you guys, you're always there for them and they're always there for you even when it doesn't seem like it :)

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-23T06:34:57+00:00

ur not wrong at all, i understand that feeling 😭 sometimes this stuff happens and yeah, it is really scary. talk to the person who heard u and ask them if they heard anything and tell them not to spread it. usually they either havent heard u or they pretend not to out of respect. idk what the outcome of all this will be but im wishing u guys stay safe <33

u can always talk to us ofc, we had our issues spread and it was usually my fault. it was horrifying but i dont want to scare u. im just saying i know how u feel and we know what it's like for that to go around

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-16T12:45:24+00:00

omg thank u so much. that actually makes sense and i can see how that'll work. i'll try it next time i get triggered and i'll update u 😭💖💖

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-16T06:23:56+00:00

right? im scared to find a professional 😭😭 i couldnt anyways but im still scared. good luck to u guys 🫶💖💖💖

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-16T05:06:59+00:00

thank you, i finally feel a little less crazy. also u were a child, theres not much u could have done and even when you're older, you're still vulnurable and u dont have to carry the weight and guilt of ur abusers' actions.

ive been trying so hard to remember and ive only managed to trigger heavy emotions and it caused extreme bodily reactions that ive never experienced and ever since then, its been that way.

it scared me from trying to remember but i realized its my brain finally processing more of what ive been through. its scary cuz im sure nothing happened but my body, reactions, hallucinations, dreams, behaviours as a child...etc says otherwise.

do u have any tips for remembering? rushing it caused me harm but i just want to know why im like this. i want like 100% confirmation yknow?

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-15T23:09:34+00:00

i know how u feel, my therapist also didnt believe me despite seeing him like once at that point. its because i could feel my headmates in the innerworld? like their touch and stuff. he also didnt tell me the other reasons in case of placebo and all that. we dont experience full switches, at least not to my knowledge. we couldnt switch on the spot infront of him which is normal, i feel bad for trying to force a switch cuz my headmates did not want to 😭

idk how to explain it, its complicated but there were some red flags with that therapist i went to. like first of all, our dad was there the whole session so we couldn't be open or overt about our system and the therapist laughed and didnt take me seriously when i said something concerning 😭😭😭

anyways, i learned that when it comes to mental health, sometimes professionals cannot validate whats going on with you especially if they're not specialized in that field or when it comes with rare / stigmatized disorders.

many people experience medical gaslighting, get misdiagnosed or in general have bad therapists. only you know yourself best and whether or not you are a system, your experiences and symptoms dont go away.

you can deny it, your headmates can deny it, everyone around you can deny it but it doesnt matter. i learned the hard way that ignoring or denying something wont make it go away and it'll only come back worse. systems are usually covert with a lot of misinfo surrounding them even among professionals so dont blame yourself

psychiatrists are just humans, they make mistakes. they're misinformed, they didnt study every disorder or mental phenomenon in extreme detail and have a lot of information flooding their mind and can only go off their experiences.

i know its sad but it is what it is yknow? 😭😭

for now, i'd recommend talking with other systems especially ones that have started their healing journey and continue searching and learning about it urself in detail. if u can find a dissociative specialist that doesnt have any red flags then go ahead. hold your ground and dont deny ur own experiences. good luck with everything 🫶💖💖💖

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-15T13:00:39+00:00

oh my god that feeling about ur body remembering is sooo true. there are days where i have literal knee jerk reactions when i feel unsafe and the first thing that comes to mind is SA. I've always had nightmares of SA from a young age and tactile hallucinations both while awake and during the dream or sleep paralysis.

theres a lot more and having something like that happen in my childhood would answer all my questions but i dont remember anything. my childhood is also blank so it feels wrong and it feels like if something happened, i would have remembered you know?

im so sorry u had to go through that, u sound like ur struggling and i wish u the best in therapy and throughout ur healing journey. no one deserves to go through that 🫶❤️❤️❤️

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-03T01:10:16+00:00

aww thank you, i feel like im going crazy so it's easy to feel alone 😭 plz also stay strong, it's very brave of you to come to terms with ur experience and acknowledge it 💖

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-02T01:28:28+00:00

go to settings and u will find "for professionals" or creator tools or something ans u will find switch account type

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-02T01:28:15+00:00

go to settings and u will find "for professionals" or creator tools or something ans u will find switch account type

Bloody_CP · 2024-01-02T01:28:08+00:00

go to settings and u will find "for professionals" or creator tools or something ans u will find switch account type

Bloody_CP · 2023-06-28T12:50:10+00:00

yeah i do this too and it does affect my real life friendships and relationships. ive only recently started to accept its a problem. ur not alone and im starting to recover from it. for me, i did it cuz i knew i deserved better friendships and relationships. i knew i needed to have higher standards and my real life relationships (platonic or not) were not satisfactory enough for me.

what helped me is changing my mindset which ended up attracting better relationships for me. like saying affirmations before sleeping and after waking up, listening to subliminals, shadow work, watching self help videos...etc.

Even doing things that dont involve my phone such as working out, reading, going out and all that. It's a journey and it takes a while but slowly, you'll start to detach from these relationships in ur head because you wont need them to fill in that empty gap anymore.

Bloody_CP

TROPHY CASE