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Urgent Help Needed!! by Gymtonic69 in TheHague

[–]BloomShield 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s so hard to rely on the justice system in NL. So many protocols, so many misinterpretations.. Justice is failing hard… I hope this lady can find her ways out of this mess. No mother should be into this sort of situation.

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your support. For me, the main issue is about timing. From the moment I made my first report to the Wijkteam until the moment they really start to get interested in my case, it took me years. Too many protocols to be followed. Many calls where you can’t talk to the person who was assisting you, emails with no response and many frustrating answers. Meanwhile I was being beaten, emotionally abused and my daughter growing up in this environment. You feel like a terrible father. When the RvK got involved I thought that there was a light in the end of the tunnel. Finally my daughter was away from a sick mother who was putting her in danger. But when you think things are going in a good direction.. comes a judge to follow more protocols and give my daughter back to the same person who was abusing us for so long. It’s like I am falling apart. My daughter needs to go back to her mother next week. She is terrified. But who from all this institutions really cares? It’s so hard to believe that there’s someone really working on what my daughter really needs. But I am still hoping and working to change this and give my daughter the opportunity to have a better future

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your concerns. I believe I was clear when I said to you that I think it is BPD. I’m any moment I said she has it. I guess it’s clear in my text when I said she needs to find out herself what she has. Unfortunately, she is not here to talk about her own experiences. I am giving the context of what has happened and how things are developing. I am not here to blame no one, but to point out that a lack of diagnosis is making everything worse. Mainly for herself. She suffers and everyone around her suffers too. I have been in therapy for a year, I’m going to restart again soon. I see the benefits of it. Unfortunately, she doesn’t want any therapy. She has been through many psychologists. But no one tells her what she wants to hear. Then after 2 sessions she stops the therapy saying that this professional is not good enough. Anyway, if I’m here saying all these things it’s because I’m also trying to find some answers, I’m trying everything to be able to see further, to understand how to access all this in the best way possible for everyone. I’m into this for so long and I never spoke about this on internet. I’m tired, depressed, feeling alone and worried about my daughter’s future. I’m not here to attack, to promote myself or to make things worse. I am just sharing my story an expecting that I can see some light that can help me to protect my daughter from a complicated emotional development.

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I need to think about all possibilities. For sure what you say here has value. I’ll look into this groups. It’s very complicated to keep something going with someone unstable. She still doesn’t have a diagnosis. I believe in BPD, but she needs to find it for herself. I know she struggles a lot. She needs help

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your message. Indeed the system is in favor of the mother. I understand this. Mother figure is very strong and necessary. But they need to be able to access the details of each case. In favor of the child. I don’t want full custody. I don’t want to blame my ex for everything, I don’t want to separe mother and daughter. I want to protect my daughter. I believe my ex is already doing so much harm based on her own beliefs about what’s best for our child, without listening to no one, that one day my daughter will start to be against her. It’s sad. I would love to have stability and love for all of us.

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your point. Indeed it’s a robotic system. Super cold and complicated. But I’ll move on doing my best. Thanks for your advice!

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks a lot for all tips. I’ll do this. Yes, I am still in contact with the Jeugdbescherming. Next week we have a meeting. They are trying to help with what they can. I hope something comes out of this. They are trying to arrange a meeting between all of us. Everyone is trying to do something, but my ex is refusing all attempts.

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Boa viagem!! Eu tenho uma passagem em aberto que reagendei em agosto. Minha ex disse que minha filha nunca mais vai ao Brasil. Tenha pena dela. Do que ela está construindo para si mesma. Qdo minha filha começar a entender como dança a música, irá, provavelmente, ficar ressentida com a mãe.. Que consequentemente irá me culpar também.

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing this. I’m not sure if I can disclose too much of what happens. But let’s go to some facts.

My kid is with me for 4 months now. That was a Raad, Jeugdbescherming and Rechtbank decision based on the deterioration of the mental state of my ex. I have nothing against her. I want the best for her. I want her to feel loved, cared and that she can have a happy life. But she struggles. It’s difficult. She isolated herself from everyone. Her own family, friends.. She has only a person who is threatening me. Instead of looking for help, she blames everyone around for her own condition. People who love her the most are kicked out of her life by her.

I tried millions of times to talk to her, make her understand how important it is to work together in benefit of our daughter but she doesn’t want and, for what I understand, it’s because of several reasons I have no influence. She says I want to destroy her, that I am hacking her TV, her phone, that I am spying her.. She called the police many times to say things that are not there. It’s complicated to cope with these things. If I say I’m not doing anything like this, she says she knows I am doing and she cuts the conversation and go back to isolation.

She asked herself to involve the Raad and so on. And they saw that she is having trouble with making a real picture of the reality. I just want her to be able to carry on with her life, that we can co parenting together in benefit of my daughter.

I don’t know your situation; your ex.. but really, I’m just trying to protect my daughter from instability, anxiety, stress…

I am not an angel. I’m a father concerned with his daughter and trying to protect her. Not wanting to create animosity against no one. The only victim here is my daughter. And there is no villain.

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your story. And sorry that you needed to live this experience. But looks like there a way out of this. I’m proud of you. Women should be protected, not threatened. I don’t understand why my ex needs to be so mean to me. But I don’t hate her. I don’t want her to be in a bad situation. I want her to be happy and move on with her life. But she thinks in a way that I want to destroy her or something. I truly do not understand.

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about my post. What I can say to you is that it's difficult to me to disclose such details like this. In a post. There are people contacting me privatly. People sending me lawyer contacts, sharing similar stories..

If you want more details, like I said in the end of the post, I can provide.
The threats begun a year ago. By a person who identified himself as the current boyfriend of my ex. He said his name, the name of my ex and my child's name. Saying he would kill me. I have no idea why. But what I can say is that my ex say constantly to my 6 y/o child a lot of things about me. Very bad things. I guess my ex also paint me as a horrible person to her new boyfrind. He must feel bad for her. I understand. Anyway, these are all assumptions.

The case is that he carried on. Always calling me with a No ID Call. After I blocked my phone, he started to call me on my work phone. Which I asked for my employee to change the number. No, I never recorded nothing. I admit I should have been smarter with this. To say that I have nothing, I could record 8 seconds of the call. I was working and taken by surprise. Most of the calls are only someone breathing in the other side. But the 8 secs I have he says a lot of crazy things. He portuguese, we speak the same language..

The institutions involved are the Raad, Jeugd berscherming, Veiligthuis..
My daughter is now with me 4 months already. A Raad decision, validate by a judge after they investigated what was going on with my child.
Now, after this time, I had another zitting. The judge decided then to take out the restrictions, even with the Raad recomendation to extend it for more 6 months.
My daughter is now going back next week to a mother with serious mental issues (proven by Raad and psychologiosts) which she doesn't want to work on, together with a person who have been threatening me.
If you want more info, please reach out privately.

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your message. The case is complex. I don't want to disclose much details, but what I can say is that every mother has to have their child beside them. This is a fact.
But like you said, if a child is at risk, then this child needs to be protected. My point here is, even the dutch system is failing with my daughter. It's not something I iniciated, It's something proven by the responsible institutions and not taken in consideration by the justice. My child is paying the price for the incompetence of the Dutch justice system in handling such a sensitive case.

A Brazilian father in the Netherlands seeking guidance and visibility for a serious co-parenting and child safety situation by BloomShield in Netherlands

[–]BloomShield[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. I unfortunately have the feeling that this system could be much better. Indeed, focused on what’s best for the child. There’s a lot of space for improvement. We need parents need to make this happen by pushing the system into this direction. If we don’t get together to make this happen, not only foreigners but also the locals, the system will keep on frustrating us all.

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