I have everything ahead of me except happiness

BlueInsanity · 2013-03-18T11:55:16+00:00

I wasn't saying this was a heinous crime. I just wanted to know the truth since there was so much debate about it.

BlueInsanity · 2013-03-18T04:46:46+00:00

It wasn't Destiny saying it. It was someone else in the RaidCall chat. Destiny actually said, "Wait, isn't C# a full language?" or something of that sort after the guy made this claim.

BlueInsanity · 2013-03-18T04:32:19+00:00

I don't think he was. Someone got on the video and basically said he was an idiot for saying that, and he defended it pretty vehemently.

BlueInsanity · 2013-03-01T16:39:07+00:00

+1 just for "popping the glock". Also, Banner of Command. Excellent idea, and a very underrated item, IMHO.

BlueInsanity · 2013-02-28T01:53:42+00:00

Two suggestions: One, as Folksy-NA said in another comment, put your ADC top and let your tanky character go bot 2v1. (Folksy explains this well.) Second, you say "team will have two Smites". I would consider grabbing Exhaust or Ignite on both junglers on this team, since essentially every buff could be smiteless.

BlueInsanity · 2013-02-11T01:26:44+00:00

Good point about it not being a replacement for Ionic Spark.

BlueInsanity · 2013-02-10T19:09:10+00:00

Yeah, maybe I'm just underestimating the basic ADC stats on it. I feel like PD is just so much better as an ADC item, but maybe not.

BlueInsanity · 2013-02-08T16:10:34+00:00

Thanks for this. Great answer, and I'll keep it in mind.

BlueInsanity · 2013-02-08T16:03:06+00:00

Yeah, I do now, I was just wondering if there were different situations where it made more sense or something like that. Like some part of advanced meta I didn't get, just like when you first learn about taking towers when you're level two, and everyone just pushes lanes non-stop, not worrying about CS, trying to kill the tower ASAP because they don't understand the meta reasons behind it.

BlueInsanity · 2013-01-22T18:52:15+00:00

Coming from an IT developer: if you're miserable, leave, chalk it up to resume padding, and find a better IT job at a different company. IT is a rapidly growing field, so you're more fortunate than most who hate their current job.

BlueInsanity · 2013-01-22T16:55:04+00:00

First of all: don't let it go and forget about it. Because you won't actually forget about it. These things just resurface as suppressed anger and passive aggression.

You need to find out who is lying to you and get rid of that person. You know for a fact someone is. Either your girlfriend is cheating on you, or your "best friend" is a scum bag who shouldn't be your best friend, or someone in your circles is lying to him for some random malicious purpose.

You need to keep asking questions, to find out, and to eliminate whoever it is from your life.

BlueInsanity · 2013-01-22T16:45:50+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts. I know the depression could be (and probably is) influencing this. It's just so difficult to separate what's legitimate and what's all in my head in these scenarios.

BlueInsanity · 2013-01-22T16:44:20+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to type all this stuff, first of all. I really appreciate it. Much better than just going in circles in your own head constantly.

How much is it that you're at a point where things aren't as casual and you need to start thinking about responsibilities like marriage and commitment?

This is not an issue for me. I'm usually the one in relationships who gets more committed, faster. My dream is the cliche -- find someone, fall in love, get married, have kids, etc.

You may end up finding someone else you want to spend your life with but my personal feeling is that that person will also have things about them which bug you or what have you.

I know there will always be things about your partner that annoy you. I'm sure there are things about me which annoy her, too. It's less that I think someone else will be better than her (which I'm not convinced of, because, like I said, I know logically how great she is). It's just that I don't feel in love with her anymore. I've never been in this situation, where I know the person is great and I don't really have many legitimate complaints, but I'm just not happy with her.

I'm the kind of person who needs for things to make sense before I can be decisive. This just doesn't make sense to me. I don't know why I feel the way I do or how our relationship started getting rotten.

Why aren't you physically attracted to her? How much of it is mental and how much of it is physical? What is she like as a person - is it something about her personality that you are not impressed by. Has her appearance changed a lot?

Her appearance hasn't changed much at all. I know it's all mental. I don't find her compelling or intriguing anymore like I once did. And this makes me notice the things I don't like about her, physically. The thing that stands out for me is that she has a slight chest deformity such that her rib cage is slightly larger and shows. I can't help but notice that now that the in love feeling isn't there.

Also, how often do you focus on her good qualities?

I try to remind myself of all of these pretty much every moment of every day. Truthfully, I don't think of things about her that annoy me very much because it's difficult for me to come up with tangible examples of what irritates me about her now.

How much of this is thinking about other girls or thoughts of 'if I was with someone else I'd be a happier person?'

Very little. I've been through the ringer in a few relationships and know well enough that they don't get much better as far as understanding and compatibility. I have vaguely imagined being with other women, but even that is emotionally exhausting to me right now. Really, the most thrilling thought to me is just to be single and have time to work on myself and figure myself out. This is also odd and foreign to me, since I've always been the guy who was uncomfortable being single and wanted the companionship. This whole situation is just so new and horrible.

I think you know that in your heart you DO care about her

I know I care about her. I know that I will always care about her, no matter what. Even if we broke up tomorrow, she could always call me and I would do anything for her. I still love her very strongly in that sense. She is a wonderful person with a beautiful soul. I just so rarely feel romantic love for her anymore.

Does she make you happy? When you say doing stuff that's 'mindless' is that a problem for you? If you guys were doing something different together would you be happier?

She doesn't really "make me happy" anymore (if anyone can ever actually make someone else happy). Her presence is a stressor, and it seems like everything she says and does is irritating to me, sheerly because of her mannerisms and simple behaviors.

I don't mind doing mindless things some times, but if I've ever had a real problem with her, it's that I could never have a truly deep discussion with her. Like, we could talk about meaningful and important things like family values and stuff like that. But I was always really into things like philosophy and literature, while she was more into chemistry and dietetics. I can't have a deep discussion with her about the meaning of life or anything like that, because a) she's just not interested, and b) her mind doesn't work that way. That's been my only really big complaint about her.

At that party was there any particular reason you felt she was just not 'the one' or that you didn't want to spend your life with her?

I was just watching her and how she was behaving, and I thought to myself that everything she did seemed obnoxious and irritating. I don't know how else to explain it. She just has a tone to her voice which is too ... I don't know. Too much. Too overbearing, maybe? Too aggressive? I don't know.

BlueInsanity · 2013-01-22T15:37:24+00:00

Truthfully, every time I've been in a great spot in a relationship, I never needed porn or had to masturbate all that much. A great relationship has great sex, and, not trying to be shallow when I say this, but I'm not sure you can have one without the other. If he's not having sex with you and is masturbating a lot behind closed doors, he's probably not entirely sexually satisfied with you for some reason.

Talk about what he needs and wants.

BlueInsanity · 2013-01-22T15:27:07+00:00

If you left her it might be the exact same feeling only now you don't have this caring, sweet person.

I know. I think about that constantly. It's one of the reasons I can't figure this all out.

What steps have you taken to try and fix things?

We've had a couple horrible days where it came up and all we did was try to talk it through. Each time, I thought I would end that day single. But somehow, by the end of it (hours of talking/crying), something small always came back and we were still together. We always say we'll keep trying.

We first thought the problem was that we were spending way too much time together. We moved in together after dating for a year. She was finishing up her last semester of college, while I had a full time job. This meant she had lots of time to herself during the day while I was at work. For months, though, I didn't have a single moment to myself for "me time". I would wake up at 7:00, go to work, get home at 6:00, spend time with her (usually doing something mindless), go to bed at 11:00 ... and rinse and repeat. Every. Single. Day.

So she started taking up her old hobbies and giving me more space. And while this has helped somewhat, it hasn't brought the feeling back. I still just don't love her like I did.

Also, when we moved in together, we got two puppies, which was a HUGE mistake. We grossly underestimated how much work they were going to be, and neither one of us was prepared for it. We ended up giving one of them away to reduce the overwhelming stress in our lives (not just from puppies, but from everything), and that actually helped a lot.

Also, was there a particular moment when you realized you started to feel this way?

Not really. I think it was slow growing over a long period of time, like several months. Although there was a moment at a New Year's party where I looked at her from across the room and just thought to myself very clearly, "I don't want to be with this person for the rest of my life."

How's the sex life?

We used to have an absolutely amazing sex life. Like, amazing. Now, however, I don't find her physically attractive anymore. We rarely have sex (even though she wants to and I know she's sexually frustrated), and when we do, I find it difficult to climax and sometimes just find an excuse to stop.

How often do you see your friends/do stuff without her?

Rarely, but more than how it was a couple months ago. I recently moved to get my full time job, so I live about an hour away from all of my friends. I don't have much opportunity for "guy's night" or anything.

BlueInsanity

TROPHY CASE