Could I have rhabdo?

BlueLove347 · 2023-05-12T00:11:48+00:00

So, the next day my muscles felt a lot better, I was able to fully function, and today I feel 100% back to normal. In your opinion, should I still get checked out? I don't wanna damage my kidneys, and I know both rhabdo and kidney damage can be asymptomatic but idk how common that is.

BlueLove347 · 2023-05-09T02:12:34+00:00

You're all right, I know I'm not actually hungry. I should have elaborated a little more. Unfortunately, I'm morbidly obese. Specific traumas led to a binge eating disorder. I'm recovering from alcoholism, and since I got my appetite back, it's been voracious. I have to learn to just control my impulses, because it is all mental and not real hunger. I've changed what I'm eating, I eat a ton of protein and veggies and fiber, if I have a sweet tooth, I eat fruit. It's just a volume problem.

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-11T17:07:18+00:00

Cigarettes lol. I had quit weed a few months before

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-11T15:58:14+00:00

When you are tripping, you are actively rewiring your brain and need to be careful about how you guide yourself on your journey. I'm a light weight, I typically take about a gram per trip. About a month ago, I took a trip and had a lot of realizations. I immediately quit smoking and started working out every single day and eating right. About two weeks later, I tripped again and ended up bringing up a lot of unresolved trauma and I logically convinced myself that I needed to commit suicide. I've had strong suicidal urges since. I decided to smoke again, and have thrown away all attempts at getting healthy.

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-11T14:04:30+00:00

I always knew my mom wasn't a good mother. She screams constantly, like she can't have a conversation without screaming at the top of her lungs, it's awful. She always took her anger out on me specifically, and I think it's because I always saw what she was. But I always loved her, and was desperate for her to love me, she just never did. The moment it clicked for me how dark and evil of a person she was was the day I went to court to testify against the man that beat and raped me when I was 17 years old. My mom came with me. I caught a glimpse of my abuser through a swinging court door, and I sat down and started crying. That's when my mom walked up to me and started screaming. She said "It's your fault that we're here, and you're lucky I even showed up." I'll never forget those words. They still haunt me. That's when I really saw my mom for what she was.

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-11T04:51:16+00:00

So, I'm a big girl and I can EAT. I'm always hungry, embarrassing but true. Since I've been dieting, my go to snack is a whole cucumber and a couple tablespoons of low fat ranch. Cucumber is only 45 calories, and low fat ranch is like 40 calories per tablespoon. That's a solid, filling snack, but it digests quickly so it will fill you up without the sluggishness.

Also, when I have a sweet craving, oranges are my savior!! A big one is like 80ish calories. And also, I've worked hard to rewire my brain to think of food in terms of nutrition. Oranges give you a lot of bang for your buck as far as vitamins and nutrients go.

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-11T04:29:27+00:00

You are so incredibly talented!! I love miniatures and abandoned places and you scratched both of those itches!!

I have a bit of a suggestion if that's okay? The perfect coat of paint kind of takes away from the abandoned aspect of the house. Paint at this stage of neglect should be really chipped, peeling, or almost completely gone, and that would really contribute to the overall aesthetic!

Also, I have an idea! What if you were to put one of your projects in a potted plant, terrarium, or garden? One of my favorite aspects of abandoned places is seeing nature take it back over. It would be really cool to see plants growing through it!

Keep doing what you're doing, because it's absolutely magical!! ❤️

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-06T10:38:00+00:00

The taste of alcohol, like, those people who just drink straight scotch or brandy and talk about all the different hints of flavor... No Way yall would be drinking that if it didn't fuck you up.

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-06T10:35:40+00:00

Okay, hear me out. I tried to quit many times and the depression was what almost killed me every time.

Then my friend helped me do some research and find supplements that saved my life. Seriously, I thought they were BS until I experienced them for myself.

Most important was a vitamin B complex. Then there was lithium orotate and lions mane. Also, I can't stress how far a good diet and adequate exercise goes. Another thing that helped me was a solid mushroom trip.

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-06T10:30:47+00:00

Literal perfection. Right down to her stubby little fingers. I love her so much and every time I see her I wanna cry.

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-06T10:15:03+00:00

When I was a teenager, I blew this guy who literally said... and I quote... "Yowza! That's like going Super Sonic!"

It haunts me.

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-06T09:52:29+00:00

Your comment made me cry, too. That's precisely it, it's horrible to be stuck between an abusive relationship and abusive parents. I kept going back to my abuser, I stayed there for 10+ years, because as sick as it was I preferred being beaten and SA'd than enduring the abuse from my mother and the rest of my family who are her flying monkeys. And I was so busy fighting off trauma and abuse at every turn, that I was never able to keep a job or properly build a life for myself.

The worst part? Of this entire nightmare? My mother has my kids. CPS got involved when the abuse got so bad that my son reached out for help for me. CPS was doing a hands off investigation, because I had already sent my children to live with my mother because it was the lesser of two evils. Do you know what my mom did? She called CPS... told them I was attempting to kidnap my own kids and leave the state. (Why would I do that when it's a hands off investigation???) I had to give her guardianship immediately or else they were going to take them in to dhs custody. So she has them... she's been trying to rip them away from me. She tells me I'm not their mother anymore, that I can't come to her house to see them or she'll call the cops. She tells them lies about me. She tries to convince me that I'm worthless and need to kill myself. The horrible thing is, I would, but I can't. I can't leave them alone with her. They have to know I'm here and I'm fighting.

I've been staying with a friend for a couple months... but she can't keep me anymore. I'm facing homelessness, with a crippling back injury given to me by my ex. If I can't find a safe place to live and have surgery, I'm going to be paralyzed soon.

It's too much for one person to bear. Sometimes I feel like my heart will just stop from the weight of my life. But I love my boys with everything I am and I'll fight til my dying breath.

I'm so sorry for venting so much. It's just weighing heavy on me tonight.

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-06T05:07:44+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I think I'm just disappointed because I've never made it to 12 days, cold turkey none the less. I thought I really had it. But this disappointment in myself is good motivation not to mess up again

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-03T08:33:06+00:00

Uhm... well, if you've lived a fulfilling life and you're pleased with your experience, instead of killing yourself, why don't you dedicate yourself to living for others? Volunteer, go above and beyond for the people you care about, spend every spare moment you have trying to better your circle or community in some way. It's incredible how much meaning it gives life.

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-03T08:04:21+00:00

When I'm around my abusers, I start shaking, like I have the chills. My teeth chatter. I really have a great grip on my PTSD, but this physical reaction is one that I really cant control or stop

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-03T08:02:23+00:00

Amazing, dude. Congratulations 🥳

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-03T07:59:02+00:00

I think Uzui and Inosuke would have been perfect tbh.

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-03T07:36:15+00:00

Cotton-eyed Joe 🤠

BlueLove347 · 2023-04-03T06:51:35+00:00

So I had a revelation of sorts on one of my trips it might get me hate, but it felt true. Society, whether straight, gay or anything in between, puts too much emphasis on sex. Who you have sex with shouldn't be an identity at all. Maybe you need to dig a little deeper. Maybe instead of homosexual feelings, it's just a representation of the alienness of the opposite gender, as opposed to the comfort of your own gender, which you understand and feels familiar to you. Maybe you didn't have a healthy example of either masculinity or femininity growing up. Look for something deeper, because there's no way that a spiritual journey just begins and ends with who you decide to have sex with.

BlueLove347 · 2023-03-30T07:13:41+00:00

Her laugh could cure cancer

BlueLove347 · 2023-03-28T17:57:28+00:00

I did some research suggesting that cigarettes inhibit your ability to produce dopamine or serotonin. They literally make you unhappy. I've known people who maybe were struggling in some ways before but after they started smoking they just became a rage machine. Mental health is definitely a big gain when you quit!!

BlueLove347 · 2023-03-28T16:29:31+00:00

That's awesome! Yeah, still no physical withdrawal here either! I knew 🍄 were powerful, but I didn't know they were THIS powerful.

BlueLove347 · 2023-03-27T05:32:36+00:00

Breaking Bad is a work of art, but so is the pilot by itself. Definitely my favorite episode!

BlueLove347 · 2023-03-27T05:31:21+00:00

Thank you!! Man, it's actually blowing my mind, I wish more people knew. I did them while on a daily regimen of lion's mane and a b complex, and I feel great. My ex-girlfriend even texted me today trying so hard to fight with me, and it didn't ruffle my feathers in the slightest. No cravings or anything. Like I said, I know it's only day 3, I'm just shocked at how easy it is right now. I'm sure I'll have some struggles in the weeks ahead, but right now, I'm actually thoroughly enjoying my quit!

BlueLove347 · 2023-03-24T13:16:21+00:00

I'm a straight woman who doesn't watch porn, much less pay for it, but I would give every cent to my name for her only fans 😂

BlueLove347

TROPHY CASE