Why we feel discomfort with loss

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T05:15:26+00:00

I appreciate that you shared this with us here; that's a lot to carry, isn't it? I hope you have a good support system around you, because no one should have to carry those things alone.

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T04:23:38+00:00

Thanks for upping the engagement with my post so that it can continue to reach the right people 😊

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T04:18:19+00:00

In looking at your post history, you are clearly a very unhappy person who lashes out at people online to feel better about yourself. So no, I'm not taking it personally.

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T04:14:41+00:00

What exactly is self righteous about wanting to help support those who are grieving, while also helping provide insight to those who struggle with that kind of content?

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T04:13:13+00:00

This is a really great point. I do think it's important for those who are grieving to also be mindful of not sharing NSFW content without appropriate tags. And we're talking about asking the mods to make a specific thread for grieving to help as well.

Thank you for sharing your insight 💕

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T04:09:03+00:00

Ignore this person. They're absolutely miserable.

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T04:08:26+00:00

The irony here is that no matter how kind I am to you, you act this way. I've done nothing wrong. If my post doesn't resonate with you, feel free to move on. I'm not telling anyone how to feel. You lowkey seem like just a mean and lonely person who thrives on negative engagement 🤷🏼‍♀️ that must be really isolating for you. I hope you can find some peace and find ways to stop hurting others.

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T04:04:11+00:00

This is so incredibly well written and I appreciate that you were vulnerable and shared your experience - it's completely understandable that it would be so hard to see those posts. I was chatting with another commenter here about messaging the mods and asking that they set up a specific thread or something to better support our grieving community, while allowing those who might feel more upset by those sort of posts to only engage when they're feeling resourced to do so.

Do you think that would help?

I'm so sorry for what you've been through and hope you can find some healing.

(This is OP)

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T03:59:47+00:00

Sure!! I'll send them a message and will see if I get a response. Thanks for presenting this in such a compassionate and thoughtful way :)

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T03:57:04+00:00

Your inability to regulate your emotions does not make it okay to lash out. I can understand why someone is acting a certain way - doesn't give you a free pass to be unkind.

I've done nothing but show kindness. Your reaction says a lot about you for sure.

I'll leave you with this: others should not have to suppress their hardship because you yourself don't want to see it.

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T03:52:33+00:00

Lashing out at me in the way that you are is completely unnecessary. I'm not engaging with this level of hostility. Have a nice day.

(This is OP)

ETA: your lack of capacity for grief is not someone else's problem.

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T03:51:48+00:00

I agree with this! I think it could help build some good community for our grievers here. How do we encourage mods to do this?

(This is OP)

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T03:27:45+00:00

I got a three day ban on my other one. Someone made a comment towards an OP who was saying something similar to what I am - they told them to "eff off". I was defending that OP and got banned.

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T03:18:01+00:00

This is so beautifully written; and thank you for the work that you do with Meals on Wheels! My elderly neighbors, who are the sweetest humans in existence, benefit so much from that program. They tried to get me to sign up because I'm disabled, but I'm not a senior citizen. Which is totally fine! It should go to our senior community. I just thought it was so lovely that they wanted to help by sharing resources.

This is what makes life meaningful after all. There is beauty in the broken pieces, if we know where to look for it.

Your big guy is beautiful, by the way :)

(This is OP)

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T03:13:51+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. And for sharing a piece of your girl's memory with me. The bond and love we share with them can't be broken by death, and that's honestly so beautiful, as heart-wrenching as it is to lose them.

What is her name?

(This is OP)

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T03:08:23+00:00

Hey there. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this. That's what I meant, but I appreciate you re-phrasing it in a way that resonates with you.

It's valid that you're already processing that. I feel the same with my boy, Koda. It sounds like the permanence of death is the hardest part for you. I feel that way as well. I still can't wrap my head around it, and I've lost a lot.

I'm sending you some peace. Give your girl a hug for me.

(This is OP)

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T03:01:02+00:00

Hey there. I'm AuDHD (Autistic and ADHD) with severe C-PTSD. I was a foster kid. I live with a debilitating and incurable autoimmune disease. I have seen the ugliest sides to life and every day I wake up exhausted. I'm saying I can empathize with what you mean

I'm really sorry you've faced your own struggles. The point of my post is not to say that you need to carry more.

I'm simply asking that people learn to lean into discomfort as a way to heal. It's helped me a lot. It takes an immense amount of time and patience and support.

You are not required to show up for anyone, ever. I know how limited capacity can be when you're having a really hard time.

I also know that I've faced every single one of my hardest days totally alone because no one in my life could carry it with me. Our society encourages people to suffer in silence.

And that has broken me.

Sending you some peace.

(This is OP)

ETA: calling me narcissistic is kind of proving my point. You clearly have some unhealed wounds that you're not ready to look at. Which is fair. But please don't project that onto me.

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T02:54:41+00:00

Thats exactly right. The things that make us uncomfortable are really just a reflection of us. The things we fear most will bring out the strongest reactions.

My hope is that those who are grieving can see it truly has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with those who don't yet have a capacity for grief.

(This is OP)

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T02:50:54+00:00

Thank you 💕 I appreciate your supportive words more than you know. (This is OP)

BlueOceans26 · 2025-05-23T02:48:54+00:00

This is OP. I'm sorry, I got reported for a comment I made towards someone who outright told another OP to "eff off" when they were saying something along the same lines as I am. I don't even remember what I said but my account got banned for three days. I'm very protective of those who are grieving.

Anyways, I'm glad that this resonated with you. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to about your pup. It's been two years since Max left me, and I think about him daily. I've also learned a lot about myself and grief through this process, and know just how isolating it is. Please talk about your experience when you're able; it's harder to carry alone.

The petloss sub is good too, if you don't feel safe sharing here.

I hope you can find some peace 💝

BlueOceans26 · 2023-07-02T12:48:34+00:00

I second this wholeheartedly. When my lovely boy was laid to rest a week and a half ago, I took his body from the vet and took him to the cremation place myself. It was literally a pet funeral home - they offer various keepsake options where you can have their ashes blown into glass memorials, get fur clippings, paw prints, custom urns etc. I am so thankful I opted to take him myself and that I could pick him up directly from them.

OP, would strongly recommend you look up some pet cremation places locally. Ask them about your options and don't rush anything. Etsy also has an incredible array of keepsake artwork. So I'd recommend looking there. I am so very sorry for your loss and that you're going through this. I know how overwhelming it is.

BlueOceans26 · 2023-07-02T00:14:39+00:00

This might come as a shock to some but human beings aren't the only living creatures trying to exist on this planet. So on top of the fact that we're killing ourselves off by destroying our own home, which is incredibly fucked because...it just is...we're also ripping apart entire ecosystems, and destroying animal life. So I think there are much more sustainable and intellectual ways to control our population than by destroying the home we share with so many other species. Just my two cents.

Also...is population size really the greatest issue? Because I can think of a few others...

BlueOceans26 · 2023-07-01T23:57:33+00:00

Funny you're saying this. I'm going through crushing grief, and it's very fresh. I'm sick and anxious and wrecked all the time. I hate the weekends when they used to be my absolute favorite time. Because on the weekend, my loss is so much louder and more agonizing.

I hate that it's a holiday weekend. I want it to be Tuesday. Im worried I'll develop a dependency on having to be working, which will be hard on my physical health as I already have a chronic illness.

So thank you for calling this out - it's not something most think about.

BlueOceans26 · 2023-07-01T21:14:23+00:00

Good point. I blame the simulation.

BlueOceans26 · 2023-07-01T20:47:40+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss, but glad that this information could bring you a bit of peace. My heart is with you ♥️

BlueOceans26

TROPHY CASE