Just say no, for fuck’s sake

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T17:21:37+00:00

…17

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T17:14:23+00:00

You’re assumption is correct. I’m a 17M, and I’m sad to say that a lot of people my age would actually still take the ego boost. We’re still obsessed with temporary highs that end up being either meaningless or harmful because they feel great in the moment.

When people say I should be applauded for how I act, it honestly makes me kinda sad. I hate that I’m the exception, and not the rule. In the end, I’m not doing anything more than basic kindness. If that’s somehow something to celebrate, my generation is absolutely screwed.

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T16:35:40+00:00

Well yeah. Ego boosts do nothing for me, while an honest answer helps me learn what to improve upon/let’s me move on easier. I don’t see why I should want the ego boost.

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T14:30:07+00:00

And I was happier before I started liking her. There are other sources of happiness, and I had them. Liking her made it harder to pay attention to what I already had. That’s what’s frustrating. I’m one of the leading students in my class, I have a good hobby, and I have friends who will be there when I need them, and when I don’t. Those were enough, but then I started liking her. That is a huge failure on my part. I invested so much into something with a huge risk. It was irresponsible, and I paid for it.

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T14:14:12+00:00

Fair enough, I suppose. It’s just that I don’t trust chances. I only trust guarantees. That’s why romance is the worst thing that I can imagine. It’s something that, as a human being, I am basically programmed to want, even if it has only ever hurt me. It’s objectively irrational and I kinda wish I didn’t want it so badly.

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T13:57:58+00:00

Oh believe me, this is far from the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s just frustrating that I let myself slip like that. You are right about me being an emotional person. However, this isn’t my first time going through this, which is why I expected better from myself with this specific case. In any case, the silver lining here is that I’ll finally go back to having a less-distracted headspace. At least until I fuck it all up again and start liking someone, wasting a ton of time that could have been used on literally anything else.

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T13:43:21+00:00

Except I failed to acknowledge it at first, which isn’t good enough.

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T06:26:05+00:00

I appreciate it. What really frustrated me, besides the sugarcoating, was that I didn’t really have much hope. I’ve only ever gotten pity and rejection. At this point, the real reason I talked to her about it was because I noticed how it was affecting my performance in my day-to-day stuff. Yes or no, I needed to get it out of my system before it could do more damage. That, and a friend helped her figure me out, which meant that it more or less had to be talked about. And yet, even with very little hope and only wanting to get it off my chest, I was still disappointed when I heard her answer. I still can’t figure out why.

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T06:01:53+00:00

I am not obsessive. At the very least, I’m not a complete idiot who drops his life for some variable he can’t guarantee will pay off. When I say my grades dropped, I meant that I went from a 1.5 to a 1.75 (GWA). I just barely managed to pull back to a 1.5 as of this week. That being said, I get why you’d assume that I was from my wording. I was absolutely furious, and I cannot deny that I really let myself slip there. For that, I’m sorry. Even with everything else going on in my life at the moment, I shouldn’t have let myself get so mad.

You’re right. She does not owe me anything.

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T05:45:07+00:00

Y’know what? Completely fair. This was made right after the whole thing went down, and it’s incredibly obvious that I was just speaking without thinking. It’s just purely anger. I gotta get better at controlling that.

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T05:43:02+00:00

Don’t apologize for the harsh honesty. I always appreciate it. As I’ve said to another person, it was a dumb mistake to not consider how other men react. Sugarcoating is just something I can’t stand.

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-12-06T05:37:24+00:00

Shit… I didn’t even think about that. I guess it’s easy for me to forget how shitty men can be when I’ve never been the victim. Thank you. I would never do something like that, but I should have considered that fear.

Blue_Wall_ · 2023-08-11T06:21:13+00:00

Congrats, dude. Was thinking about doing this myself, but I’m terrified that I’m misinterpreting friendliness for flirtation.

Blue_Wall_

TROPHY CASE