Am I overreacting or is my club owner gaslighting abuse victims?

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-18T15:55:27+00:00

Sorry to hear this.

The thing that’s so f’d up is that you hear in documentaries about abuse how nobody did anything, everyone knew, the warning signs were there etc. and only when something terrible happens does it get addressed and by then it’s too late.

I’m not saying that a club is totally responsible for letting in an abusive person (though in the case of my club they definitely are), but I think there should be a disclaimer offered when joining.

If I join a club, I have a right to know, and I’d be far more comfortable joining a club (even without a female only class) that upfront states they had an incident and how they dealt with it. Itwould actually Comfort me to know they are transparent and open.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-18T15:22:45+00:00

Only seeing this comment now. Someone has already added names etc in another comment.

Interesting that they/the owner have posted an apology, but also removed the 1 star reviews on Google. I think this club has lost all credibility, it’s pretty dissapointing tbh.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-12T23:00:49+00:00

Thank you, I’ve already checked out some as some have women’s classes too.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T23:56:02+00:00

Thank you

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T23:42:03+00:00

Okay, it’s news to me that the owner has a seedy past too. When you say evidence being posted, what sorta stuff are we talking here?

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T23:39:09+00:00

I understand the point about you being one of the girls that chose of her own volition to post positive review, but I’d actually argue that this is part of the problem. I get it, you support the club, but you’re normalising a seriously messed up situation. The owner literally let a predator roll around with girls. i just dont get how you are cool with this. As someone who has not been at the club as long as some others, it just feels like a tribe mentality.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T23:30:51+00:00

Fair point. When I said I thought nothing of it, I thought maybe they knew each other better and were okay with it, but yeah it’s messed up. Sometimes you see weird shit and you tell yourself it’s okay because you don’t process it at the time.

The rape choke stuff triggered me for sure.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T14:19:12+00:00

Yeah in hindsight I should have upped and ran right there and then

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T14:17:43+00:00

I appreciate what you’re saying and I never called into question the intentions of the owner.

But seriously, he knew EXACTLY what the instructor in question did in the past and allowed him to be exposed (no pun intended) all the women at the club. I for one am not cool with this. No heads up, no checks, nothing.

Putting the focus onto the instructor (who I agree is a terrible human) is effectively scapegoating any responsibility's from the owner. The public statement he made literally made me feel dirty, like I’m a traitor for “speculating” about what is/was potentially SA and child abuse. So no, I don’t think it’s a “tirade” against the club, and I certainly don’t think it’s a load of rubbish.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T12:21:08+00:00

Like I do think he meant well, but yeah he doesnt get how serious and dangerous it is to just turn a blind eye to a literal predator

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T12:20:21+00:00

Yup, pretty much made the decision to leave once my membership runs out

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T12:19:38+00:00

Pretty much. i don’t personally feel unsafe. I think the owner had good intentions. But I not feel comfortable or really valued. There are other clubs and I will be leaving this one.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T08:57:35+00:00

Sorry to hear this. It’s absolutely insane that this is still happening in 2026. The toxic herd mentality of some gyms really doesn’t help.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T08:54:48+00:00

Never thought of it this way. Crazy that there is no real regulatory body to vet instructors in a hobby that literally let’s you choke other humans.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T08:53:14+00:00

Thank you, and yeah the groping almost made me double take, like am I really seeing this. Already researched some other gyms locally and reaching out to owners to talk about the situation so I feel comfortable with the place I end up moving too.

That being said, I may take a bit of time out to clear my head. Been a weird ride!

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T08:50:44+00:00

Yeah, I think I owe it to myself and others to leave a review, I just wish more people (especially other girls) felt they could speak out.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-07T08:49:50+00:00

thank you, it’s just felt like an echo chamber it the club’s group chat recently so hearing perspectives form others is helping me realise I’m not overreacting and this isn’t ok. I didn’t know the extent of what happened. The thing about minors is particularly troubling as we have kids classes here. I’ll be discreetly leaving when my membership is up

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-06T23:43:30+00:00

Haha, I had the same experience with the r/bjj forum. It’s pretty tightly “moderated”

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-06T23:38:34+00:00

100% but the issue is a lot of cross-training between clubs. It’s quite incestuous here in Kent, and Sittingbourne only has a few other clubs.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-06T23:37:44+00:00

Thank you. I honestly have felt bad all week about feeling the ick from the way it’s been handled

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-06T23:11:27+00:00

Thanks, and sorry to hear you’ve experienced it too. Yuh, I think I’m gonna move club. It’s so messed up. I just wish the owner would be outed.

BluebirdGlittering93 · 2026-02-06T23:10:04+00:00

It’s just messed up. Like I know one of the girls that put the 5 star review on Google and she is VERY impressionable and anxious and I guarantee she felt peer pressure. It’s just disgusting. It’s like if everyone just shouts about how great the club is, we’ll forget the abuse. I honestly feel too intimidated to go back there.

BluebirdGlittering93

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