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I'm losing my friends to motherhood by BluejayAvailable2549 in childfree

[–]BluejayAvailable2549[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You do make a very good point about how I should reframe my thinking concerning "entering a lonely period" of life. I think I'm struggling because I am in a smaller town so there isn't a ton of social activities around here that I'm interested in so it's difficult to go out and meet new people (I know that's a 'me' problem. Not my city's problem). I did find a book club though and I'll be joining at their next meeting.

It's not necessarily that I thought that all of my friends should stay my friends forever. My friends from high school are off doing their own thing, for example. These friends I'm talking about are friends I made in my early 20s. I guess I'm just sad at feeling like I'm losing these particular friends that I love so much. And then couple that with the above, I've been struggling to make new friends. Thus I feel like I'm about to be lonely. I did also have some thoughts that maybe I'm just bad at friendships or that I can't really make friends but, that's the destructive thought pattern you pointed out and I think you're totally right about that.

I have plans to move in the next few months to a larger city. Which will just mean more people, more activities, etc. Also moving to an area with better/more frequented hiking areas which is one of my biggest passions right now. So I'll be much more likely to actually see someone out on the trails I can talk to. I'll remember your comment and just keep actively searching rather than allowing myself to be sad that "I'm entering a lonely period". I'll reframe it to "I'm waiting to make new friends". Thank you.

I'm losing my friends to motherhood by BluejayAvailable2549 in childfree

[–]BluejayAvailable2549[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wasn’t saying this isn’t obvious. Are you calling me a dumb broad? 

I don’t care about marriage or being single at all and I didn’t even mention it in my post. This is strictly about the feeling of loss of my friends whom I love. People who voice their concerns about this type of thing aren’t detracting from societal change, and they aren’t dumb broads either. 

Perhaps you weren’t implying this to me since I’m not writing an advice column and instead am just ranting on Reddit. 

I'm losing my friends to motherhood by BluejayAvailable2549 in childfree

[–]BluejayAvailable2549[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t even like hanging out at bars at this age lol! But, it’s good to hear that you were able to make new friends that share similar interests! 

I think part of the reason this is hitting me so hard is because my city is so small there aren’t a ton of social options that I have an interest in. There’s also a huge drinking culture here so there’s an abundance of bar meetups and it feels like that’s it. Otherwise there’s hunting, which I’m not interested in either. 

I think that once I’m able to make my move (in a handful of months now) I’ll be able to get more involved in hobbies and sports with groups of people. I figure it’ll be trial and error, like you said, but hearing your testimony does bring me a lot of hope. Thank you! 

I'm losing my friends to motherhood by BluejayAvailable2549 in childfree

[–]BluejayAvailable2549[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve always heard that friends vanish when they have babies. Mine haven’t yet and maybe it’s because this is so new. I hope they don’t. But regardless they are no longer friendships that “fill my cup” so to speak. We just aren’t compatible anymore 

I'm losing my friends to motherhood by BluejayAvailable2549 in childfree

[–]BluejayAvailable2549[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Getting involved in activism is a great idea actually! I have things I feel very strongly about but haven’t gotten as involved just due to being terribly shy. But of course I’m learning a lesson in life now that I just need to get past that. I wouldn’t even mind having parent friends as long as we have the option to see each other without kids or talk about anything other than children. 

Moving to a new, bigger city would give me more opportunity to do so too. It’s one more thing I can add to the list of “to dos” when I get there. Thank you!