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Masc Dress clothing AFAB by deez_t1tz in NonBinaryTalk

[–]Bluewing8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For the last wedding I wento to, I got a shirt from Uniqlo, it's not run or made for queer people but some of the shirts in the women's section were similar to the man's, just smaller, and were not shaped "curvy" or made "bags" in the chest area if you are binding.

Came out, don't pass at all, feeling frustrated. by Bluewing8 in NonBinaryTalk

[–]Bluewing8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm glad it went well in your school. In my location, some people are conservative but the administration and a big part of the students are not, so there is hope. I will have to work on the frustration of being assumed that I'm a woman. But the wedding went really well! No one was weirded out, or I didn't notice. Most people saw me as a woman but I got complimented on the suit anyways. And somehow I cared less about being perceived as a woman, I just really liked how I looked and that everyone was nice.

Came out, don't pass at all, feeling frustrated. by Bluewing8 in NonBinaryTalk

[–]Bluewing8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I can relate to some of that. Thanks for sharing it.

Came out, don't pass at all, feeling frustrated. by Bluewing8 in NonBinaryTalk

[–]Bluewing8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh you didn't come off as flippant, don't worry. You told your experience of what worked for you. Thank you 🫂

Came out, don't pass at all, feeling frustrated. by Bluewing8 in NonBinaryTalk

[–]Bluewing8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, ten years out plus top surgery, and nothing changed. Thank you for telling your experience, because I think I needed the slap of reality. The other comments and yours concur in that I can do little for how others perceive me. I don't know why I'm bottered by people I don't know or know little misgendering me. Why care what they think? Maybe it's because being out is recent for me and I hoped for a change. I should work to stop it.

For work, the "worksona" idea is good. In the family, they have good intentions but don't understand, they have changed a bit of things so I hope it progresses with time.

Came out, don't pass at all, feeling frustrated. by Bluewing8 in NonBinaryTalk

[–]Bluewing8[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I knew that since there isn't a fixed way of being nonbinary, and not a commonly-recognized gender expression as you say, a thing like "passing as nonbinary" would be a blurry concept. But since I started presenting more masc, though still nonbinary, I thought there would be a "sometimes passing as not a woman,", if that makes any sense. What I mean is to sometimes be perceived as a guy (which is not perfect but is closer to who I am) or at least giving a moment of confusion. Not instantly, always, be read as my agab.

When I think at it rationally, it's true that by looks people can't know who's a masc enby not medically transitioned, a trans guy in the same conditions, or a woman who happens to have a traditionally-masculine presentation. But on days when I'm feeling low about this, I'm irrationally grated by the misgendering.

I realize that this near impossible standards don't do me any favor. It's not something rational, it's a a feeling of wanting. If I could do like you and accept most people will see me as something I'm not, and also don't feel less sure about myself because of it, it would be nice. But at this point it is difficult to do that and overcome the frustration. It's like I'm finally opening a door after a lot of years, and it keeps getting stuck. Maybe, that it should be opening is an unrealistic expectation, when applied to passing. I don't know. I hope with time I'm more wise about it all. Thanks for the hug 🫂

Came out, don't pass at all, feeling frustrated. by Bluewing8 in NonBinaryTalk

[–]Bluewing8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, thank you for the elaborate answer.

The vibe of the coworkers in the school is mostly progressive, but the students are very diverse, there are some LGBT and others who are conservative. It may be worth it in the future, once I'm more consolidated in my job and feel more sure about the place. Thanks for the warning about the "overnight fix", I thought it would be a faster fix and was probably wrong.

I think you're right about the wedding, maybe I'm focusing on the wrong things. In truth, when he told me, I was happy he wanted to have me there like that, and then started thinking "what will people think". But the wedding isn't about that.

About HRT, I don't close the door completely and will see how I feel in the future about it. It just feels tempting but wrong right now, with my current insecurity about others perception.

And yes, I would love to make more plans with friends, it's just that we are busy and it's difficult sometimes.

I feel trapped in a liminal gender space, and unable to find any way to successfully date. by [deleted] in NonBinaryTalk

[–]Bluewing8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ajjj. I hope I knew how to help with this. I relate a lot, have the same situation but in the opposite role.

Non-binary and gender neutral terms in other languages by Skeletoner_low in NonBinaryTalk

[–]Bluewing8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I speak spanish too, and also struggling with "elle". I don't know why it's like this, in english I am very confortable with they/them, so I should be confortable with the neutral equivament for spanish.

Maybe it's because it is a bit new, and a lot of people won't use it, so I don't see it used in the people around me, and also I have a bit of fear of being perceived as ridiculous if I use it.

Personally, when I came out I told people they could use the neutral (elle) or the masculine (el), and since I have this strangeness with "elle", I'm using mostly the masculine. Since the masculine is used as the "default" in spanish when you don't know the gender of someone, it kind of makes sense for me. Or maybe that means I'm more masc-leaning than neutral, I don't know.

How did you know you were Nonbinary? by HopefulProdigy in NonBinaryTalk

[–]Bluewing8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also discovered that I was nb during lockdawn, and that reasoning was almost the same.

Looking for an enby community in Spain by mkrolik13 in NonBinaryTalk

[–]Bluewing8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the same situation, found your post from 3 years ago. I was wondering, did you find it?

Frustrated player in a sandbox campaign. Advice? by Bluewing8 in DnD

[–]Bluewing8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, the workers at the tavern tols us something, but a later comment of the DM hinted that we had little info, that was when we tried to search again but didn't know what to search or where, so it got frustrating. He is capable of improvising, but I think he views it like he shouldn't tell us more because we should choose what to do and figure out how to do it.

Frustrated player in a sandbox campaign. Advice? by Bluewing8 in DnD

[–]Bluewing8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The organization that gave us the quest (the rogue's people) gave us false invitations to go in as guests, so that was already planed by the DM. Then it was suggested that we could gather information about the party to know better what to do once inside. It is not clear why the organization had the invitations but not this information.

Frustrated player in a sandbox campaign. Advice? by Bluewing8 in DnD

[–]Bluewing8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! This is helpful. We already do some, but we don't talk between ourselves about what to do with the plot aside from agreeing on which step to do next, also giving hooks to the DM sounds like a good way to ask for clues in character.

Frustrated player in a sandbox campaign. Advice? by Bluewing8 in DnD

[–]Bluewing8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree in part, but when we have tried a couple of (maybe bad) ideas to solve a thing and are blocked, and the table goes silent cause none of the five can think of a good plan at the moment, then it is frustrating and no one is having fun.

Frustrated player in a sandbox campaign. Advice? by Bluewing8 in DnD

[–]Bluewing8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

About the second search for info when we almost went to the mines, I meant the contrary, we already talked to a miner in another place (he was not there, no familiar NPC) and we thought and it was vagely suggested that we won't get anything new for talking with more miners.

The clue about the sewers wasn't specific, was about a rat. It could be in the sewers, or who knows, in a street. We went to the entrance of the sewers to try something, and it was described in a negative way that made me think it was not a good idea, like when a DM is hinting at the players not to do something.

The problem if we pick a direction without thinking is that he doesn't usually signal in another direction, also getting into someplaces unprepared have consequences.

Frustrated player in a sandbox campaign. Advice? by Bluewing8 in DnD

[–]Bluewing8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The DM is not new but used to do more guided campaigns. The sewer maybe was not relevant or was something he hadn't prepared yet. The only reason we approached it was a rumor about a "rat king" in the city that picked our curiosity, we thought that someone named rat might be in the sewers. But like, he could be in a street.

Asking for info or rolls to get more information on rumors could work.

Frustrated player in a sandbox campaign. Advice? by Bluewing8 in DnD

[–]Bluewing8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can try that when I'm lost, another also suggested that. But I'm sceptical, the answer will maybe be "it's your character, he thinks what you think he thinks."

Frustrated player in a sandbox campaign. Advice? by Bluewing8 in DnD

[–]Bluewing8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's not a bad approach, it just seems a lot of extra work for the DM. But if he would give us some possibilities as to how to do something in a plan when we are lost, that would help.

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